Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

You can't re home her. You made a commitment, if you got sick and became a burden to your husband in some ways you wouldn't want him rehoming you!

Please don't leave that dog, she'll be heartbroken and your children will despise you for it.

Also. I’m going to add. Please don’t let people get u done about judging u for this. I had a lot of people judge me for what I did. And quite frankly I didn’t care. They didn’t know what we all went through. And it wasn’t their business either.

If your husband doesn't want to remove the dog, he needs to be the default dog walker and dog admin.

My parents gave away our dog when me and my brother were early teens/tween. It was the right thing to do, she was a good dog but we couldn't really afford her and probably had other similar reasons to you as well.
We were not involved in the decision and we were quite sad, but honestly, we got over it really quickly.
It's only a dog. Arrange a good home, do your due diligence, drop her off when the kids are at school and present a united front with your husband when you tell the kids.

My parents rehomed a kitten we had as a child. I absolutely never forgave them and was heartbroken for weeks and weeks. Even now many, many years later I still cannot comprehend how they could have done that and I still get really angry.

You brought the dog into their lives now you act like the grown-up you are supposed to be and look after the poor animal and don't break your kids hearts.

Especially a lab with a double coat . To be fair as a previous lab owner the shedding is awful but I mean a quick Google will tell you the truth about owning a lab .

Many years ago for various reasons we moved from a house with a big garden to a second floor flat and we had to re-home our lovely one year old doberman. She went to live on a houseboat with experienced owners who already had a male doberman.

We explained to the children, rising 3 and 7, what we were doing and they came along for the handover. In the car coming back youngest was upset and we explained that doggo would have a lovely life with her new family 'but we're her family' wailed the youngest

In the subsequent months they sent us photos of her enjoying life on the towpath.

The children were not damaged by this and soon forgot about the dog - I still think of her, nearly 40 years on!

This is so interesting. I posted below about how I never got over the fact my parents gave away a kitten we had. I didn't want to put my age but I was 7 at the time and I'm 63 now! It still makes me angry all these years later.

You are right in the middle of the hardest bit. Honestly it will be so much easier in 6 months.

I don’t think you should rehome her. It will be the defining incident of your children’s childhoods. She sounds like a lovely dog. I’d have a go at breaking down what it is you are struggling with and finding a solution to each bit- if it’s the mess, can you change your set up better to deal with it? Employ a dog walker? Cleaner for a couple of hours to help you keep on top of the hair. Outside dog shower?

If you explain why, there's a good chance your kids will get over it.

My parents rehomed a cat that I adored but when they explained where he'd gone etc, I was fine.

Yes, exactly. Just tell them the truth. I think kids can grasp it all better if they're told why.

Can you get a dog walker?
A cleaner?
Have a dog sitter on standby?
I also bought a robot hoover which keeps the dust and hairs down - not a replacement for a hoover but it does help with the hairs.
It's shedding season so will be particularly bad at the mo

Plus labs are complete knobs for the first 18 months. Your dog will calm down and be the dog you see on the telly!

Have you tried training? You say you have to play your days out so as not to.leave too long, do they have separation anxiety then?

Honestly training really tires them out too. With our golden retriever if we don't get time to do a big walk, I play some games with him to tire him out like I'll hide his ball somewhere in the room and he has to sniff it out. Apparently the stimulation and thinking tires them out so much it's an equalivant to 45 minutes walk time. Get the kids involved too they'll love it.

I think personally, rehoming a dog is such a big deal and I think you need to look at all avenues before doing it i.e. training, dog sitter/walker. Because it does get easier, your dog is still very young and learning and adapting to your routine and schedules.

This age is not great with dogs. I remember my DH and I talking around this time saying 'is she always going to be like this?'

She's now 3 and just wonderful. Really calmed down, everything we hoped for.

I have a golden and I felt like this at around the year mark as she was such a teenager.

I wouldn't ever rehome as DC adore her and she's family!

She's two now and so much better and I wouldn't be without her now! Got used to the hair and the dog smell.

Good job you didn't find you couldn't cope with children isn't it?

Brushing twice a week is not enough and 2 shorter walks a day would be much better than one long walk.

Do you know anyone who wants her? Taking her to a rescue that is already full of unwanted dogs is not a good idea at all. Will her breeder take her back?

She is part of your family and will likely be unhappy and pine for you all.

"Rehome". I think "discard" is more appropriate.
Your poor dog, I can't imagine being this callous. Please never own another pet.

I wonder if you were like 90 per cent of Mums (esp) and dads ,who were told "we will look after him! 3 dogs later and guess who was walking said doggies ! A friend uses a kennel twice weekly .even though they are home,just to get a break.At 1 they are effectively a teenager ,Dog behaviour therapist may help too.A 7 year old will be devastated .If DH is not happy this will damage your RL with them both .Dog walker will be helpful here .

These sound like the reality of owning a dog, which surely you would have known

If your dc really love the dog I feel for them

Approach one of the Labrador rescue organisations. I used to volunteer for the southwest one. They may be able to help with telling the children and rehoming your dog.

Personally, I wouldn't rehome. Your DH and DC don't want the dog to be rehomed so you're pretty outnumbered. 1 year old is still so young, as so many PP have said - that's the middle of the teenage years! Nothing you've mentioned is outside of the normal expectations of dog owning tbh, is there anything you can do to make it easier - dog walker? Robot hoover? Dog grooming?

1 x 90 minute walk sounds hard for the dog, our labs had 3 x 30 mins or 1 x 60 and 1 x 30 mins. If that's a morning or evening walk does it leave the dog the rest of the day having to control its bladder / not be exercised? That might not help.

If you do go ahead with your decision to rehome if the dog came from a breeder it's probably contracted that you need to return to the same breeder.

When I was a child my father rehomed our family dog, but my parents told us he had run away and got lost. So don't do that - be honest with them, that the responsibility of owning a dog was more than the family could cope with. And I say that with no attempt to guilt trip you, because as an adult I had to rehome my own dog due to my abusive exH hitting her. I wasn't in a position to leave him at that point and did what I could to protect her.

Life is messy sometimes, and the right choice doesn't always sit easily or feel good in the moment. I hope it works out, op.

At the expense of a marriage and harmony in the home environment? I’m pretty sure the dc would rather have parents that don’t argue ?

It’s fine to rehome if you need to or circumstances have changed or if it’s just not how you thought it would be. Just make sure you rehome responsibly. You may even have a family member or friend who could take the dog on and your dc could still visit.

better to do it now when dog is young and please don’t feel guilty

We have a Labrador, now coming up for 3 years.

Labradors are HARD work: the energy they have, the power, the greedy food theft, the digging…. And OMG yes, the HAIR!

And one year old is the doggy teenage stage, and our Labrador forgot all her training overnight. 😖

I had the same thoughts as you at times, but just like raising children, it does get easier and he/she will calm eventually.

This is my experience, but you must do what you feel is best for your circumstances. It will take a bit of courage either way. Good luck.