Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

Have a look online to see if there is a Labrador Rescue in your area. If you tell them you are thinking of rehoming they will send someone out to talk to you and assess the dog so they can match them with the right home.

It's good to talk things through with someone who is knowledgeable about dogs and who is non-judgmental. Sometimes this leads to people changing their minds about rehoming. But if not, the Trust will work hard to find a suitable new home for your dog.

This. I'm hoping the dog gets other walks, too? 90 mins is too long a walk. I grew up with police GSD and labs in the house and even the GSD wouldn't have got 90 minutes! One longer walk (45-60) then a few shorter runs are better.

I can still remember the heartbreak when I came home to find my parents had sent my best friend to "live on a farm" because they had had my sister and decided that two kids and a dog was too much work.

I've been i your situation but as a single parent with a very difficult terrier. So many times I looked at rehoming him, felt like I couldn't cope. But ultimately it was the thought of the guilt I'd feel for the rest of my days around giving up on him as the innocent party, and the thought of the heartbreak it'd cause my son.

He's lay snoozing here in his bed next to mine, currently about to turn 11. The laughter, joy and comfort he has brought us both far outweigh the mess, hassle, commitment and ties. Has it been easy? No. But I love him so dearly I'd literally do anything for him, he's part of the family and life absolutely wouldn't have been the same without him. Please have a rethink and weigh up every pro and con before throwing in the towel..

Gosh, my children would never forget that. Please reconsider. I have a dog who gets right on my nerves from time to time but he is part of the family. Reframe your relationship with the dog. Consider that walking your lab is your exercise and downtime. Put on a podcast and just walk. There is nothing better. As for the mess, consider getting hard flooring on the downstairs, don't let him upstairs. Washable paint on the walls. Labs calm down a lot after the age of one. They are generally lovely dogs.

Are you the poster who posted another thread about one person wanting to keep the dog and the other wanting to rehome?

Looks like you've got your way. I'm.not going to say what I think of you, but please. never get another pet. And tell your children the truth about why the dog is being removed.

These are the kind of posts that drive me mad. Someone chooses to bring a puppy into their home, then decides the realities of owning a puppy are too much for them and wants to find a guilt-free option to get rid of the dog.

Many people will soothe your feelings and tell you you're doing the right thing and how brave you are, etc. Obviously you can rehome a dog in these circumstances. But should you? I just think it's wrong to make a commitment to an animal and then decide for relatively frivolous reasons not to honour that commitment. We're not talking about a dog who behaves aggressively, after all. You have an adolescent lab that is likely still puppyish in behaviour. However, if you put in the effort now, you will end up with a gorgeous family pet.

How much training have you done? Does she have the opportunity for mental exercise, brain games, etc.? What sort of walks does she have?

If you do decide to rehome her, I don't think there is a way to explain it to the children that will be easy or without consequences.

If there were behavioural issues or your circumstances had drastically changed then I can get rehoming a dog. But your dog is just being a dog. Surely you were aware labs can be hairy, messy, smelly and need exercise.

Don't rehome the dog yet.

Get a Rota drawn up together with your husband for who does what around the house. Even if he's a worker and your a sahm he has to take responsibility for things that need done if an evening when you are both there.

You could include many things on the rota that will make your life easier.

Yes they will be crap at putting their own clothes away and you'll need to be the dish washer inspector to make sure they are properly cleaned but it will be good for them to earn pocket money and take more responsibility for the dog too. Make sure the chart is displayed and you make a big deal of the stars or ticks or whatever.

Include your husband in making all plans as he will have to also supervise stuff.

I'd defo take the dog to the groomer or get a cleaner if you can afford it. I don't know if you get those hoover brushes for dogs but you do fur horses. It sooks the fur off their backs as you groom. Don't know if any good but I always wanted one!

God I detest human beings sometimes. Sorry OP, but this sort of thing makes me so annoyed. I think you are being hugely unreasonable here. The dog is being a dog and is part of the family now. Your children would be devastated and may never fully forgive you for it. This is a living being who is settled and treats you as their family, rehoming them will be devastating for the poor dog too.

You wouldn’t have a child and then decide it’s not for you and rehome it when things weren’t as idyllic as you’d hoped, would you? Sometimes we make bad choices and have to live with the consequences.

@Littlesadstate90 where are you located? I am a dog trainer and if you are near enough to me, I will come and give you a few tips with training that will help you. I can also teach your eldest how to work with the dog.

No cost to you.

I volunteer for a specific breed charity. We get many dogs aged between8-18 months as the reality of dog ownership hits home. Yes, we are over flowing now , have been since all the untrained ‘difficult’ lock down dogs started to be handed over.
labs have a reputation as the perfect family dog. They can be but they also shed endlessly, need real commitment to their exercise, diet and training needs which are high. Some are late to mature- at least 4 before they’re slightly less like bouncy puppies.
yours is a reasonable age for re-homing. Specific lab rescues will put her with experienced foster carers to ensure she’s matched with the right forever family.

be honest with your children, it was a mistake she needs a better life than you can give her. Life lesson for all of you.

I do hear you. The mess, the smells, the arguments. We were tearing our hair out with our Cockapoo. He just turned 2. I noticed he started getting calmer a few months ago. He is a completely different dog to what he was a year ago. He gets his twice daily walk, then sleeps. He is not overweight and is a picture of health, just a lot calmer. We had a log of dogs when I was growing up, my mum fostered dozens. Every dog has a personality and you sometimes just click on an inexplicable level. There was a dog, we had her for a few months as she was big and rather different to rehome and a bit wild too. She ran into the road and was killed instantly. It was a terrible accident I never blamed my mum. I have tears in my eyes writing this and the accident happened over 30 years ago. I was 17 at a time. I never cried and never missed another dog. As I have said, there were dozens of them, coming and going at the time. If it's just a dog to your son then he will get over it quickly. However sometimes you connect with an animal on a different level.

My lab is now a 3 year old dream. I've just had Covid and he hasn't left my side. He's gentle, sleeps a lot, loves his long walks and is calm at home. If you saw him 18 months ago, it was entirely different. He was busy being a teenager aka an utter nightmare to live with. Whilst we never thought about rehoming him, we had v fraught conversations about what we were doing wrong/what we should be doing, and how we were going to manage. It was bad. Really bad.

The difference between then and now is like night and day. The companionship he gives me, my husband and kids is like no other. I feel a huge responsibility to him to give him the best life I can because of how happy he makes us all. I don't know what your family circs are, but we've had some really hard times and my boy has brought joy to our lives. BUT there is absolutely no way on earth I could have written any of that when he was a year old. If you're able to hang on in there for another year, you'll have a different dog - and likely to be the dog you wanted when you first decided to get a lab.

Well I'm not sure what to say really, it's the same 'ole, same 'ole... adorable puppy grows into a manic teen and that is when a lot of people, who shouldn't have a Dog in the first place, discard them. Then comes the 'Free to a good home' posts on websites and the Dog ends up hopefully in a fairly suitable home, but mostly in the hands of Dog fighting rings :-( Rescue Centres are so overwhelmed at the moment, they are past breaking point, so you'd be lucky to find a rescue space - the cost of living crisis has meant that many good loving homes, just can't afford to keep their pets; many who would give their right arm to have to walk and clean up after their pet, if only they could afford to keep them. I would never consider giving up my noisy messy child, so I wouldn't give up my Dog. (BTW if you have trouble coping now with Dog hair and overwhelming caring for animal, wait until your kids hit puberty!)

As others have mentioned here, what about a dog walker a few times a week, or Borrow my Dog website. At 7 your eldest child should be doing chores in the house, give your child 'Doggie Chores' like feeding, changing the water and brushing, maybe poop scooping the garden. In the summer months, its a great opportunity to get your child and Doggie outside for a wash with the hose pipe - you'd only have to show a 7 year old once and then put it on their chores list.

I had a very overwhelming black Lab. from a puppy. We were wishing the puppy and teen years away, by the age of 3/4 he was much calmer and normal. The robot vacuum was a must as we had hair everywhere - but you know what, you got a Dog, what did you think was going to happen? A big Dog needs exercise and stimulation.

Your absolute best bet, is to get a Dog Walker or for free on 'Borrow my Dog'. They come back so tired, they just want to sleep.

If you are set on getting rid of him, please try and find a good home and charge at least £100. Dog fighting rings pose as loving couples and know all the right things to say. They show photos of a wonderful loving homes (all fake) and are usually very charismatic - it's all a ploy to get your get your Dog so they can make money.

If you are set on getting rid of him, please try and find a good home and charge at least £100.

Christ, this is absolutely appalling advice.

Please don't rehome your dog. That would be absolutely devastating for it - to grow up with your family as a puppy and then to be chucked away. They do understand these things...

Some tips/ideas:

• get a dog walker
• rota for dog walking and stick to it.
• Increase walks/reduce duration (2 x 45 mins e.g.)
• Include children on walks - go to a local park or woods and let them explore together!
• Encourage children to play with dog in garden.
• Good quality mental stimulation for dog e.g. licki mats, kong's - will help calm the dog and tire it out.
• Get everyone involved in tidying up dog's toys. Perhaps make it the children's task of the day.
• Get a robot hoover or do a quick sweep. Don't let dog on sofa if that works for you.
• Go to places that are dog friendly - so they can come with you (e.g. woodlands walks, farm shops, etc). There are so many if you look.
• STOP MOANING. Your whole family will pick up on this, including the dog. Try and relax a bit. Mess can be tidied up, hairs can be hoovered away, it's only temporary (just like it was when your kids were young).

Dogs are a lifestyle change. You can't expect to carry on with your old life. You need to adjust it to suit the dog as well - the more you do this, the happier everyone will be.

I totally sympathise OP, I really didn’t enjoy my dog (lab x pointer) for the initial 18m or so. Felt like a lot of extra work. I think I’d imagined having a dog like those we spent time with (dogs of friends etc) who were older, settled, trained etc. The time it takes to get to that, while I guess I knew in theory, was a surprise and stress in practise. He’s now 5 and I adore him. In fact we are thinking about getting another dog! PM me if you want me to take yours on…!

if you do go down the rehoming route you aren’t alone, I’ve had two friends do this around this age. I’m not sure what they told their kids but honesty IMO is always the best policy with kids. If it were me I would say we love Fido very much but we are finding it very difficult to look after her & she is going to live with X now.

What a kind and lovely offer.

Please be really careful about having a stranger from MN coming to your home.

I'm sure PP has the best of intentions but make sure you do your research first.

We took on our dog because her previous owners were in a very similar situation to you OP. No time for the dog, busy family life, traveled abroad a lot and worked long hours.

Our pupper was a darling, well behaved fun girl who had a much better life with us who were devoted to her, semi retired and employed so could take her to work with us. Our hobbies all included the dog e.g. walking, camping, gardening.

The family who gave her up aged 2 had young kids and just couldn't cope. The mother of the family said her eldest daughter would be heartbroken.

I guess she was because I saw on facebook that they got another puppy 12 months later. I was so angry they'd done that when they'd obviously already made the same mistake a once before. I've no idea how they could give up our adorable girl but I am so so very grateful we ended up with her as she filled our life with joy and we were able to fill all the 11 years she had with us with fun and love for her.

She died last year, we are devastated to lose her and our only regret is that she spent a couple of years with a family who didn't appreciate her and often left her alone or in kennels/day care.

I think you should face up to the situation you're in, admit you made a mistake and let the dog go to someone who has the space in their life and heart for her. Let her lead her best life.

You said you argue with DH about having to walk her. You said you moan about dog. You don't like her hair. If you brush a Labrador everyday that should keep her hair at bay.

Op I’m raging reading your post but I’m not going to lecture you and I’m hoping you’re still there. We adopted a lab from a lady we knew who couldn’t cope, she was 1. We weren’t even dog people. I posted on here at the time under different name. Shes nearly 2 now and she’s the most beautiful calm sweetheart that ever walked the earth (unless there’s a bbq nearby). I love her to death. We do 2-3 walks a day, ranging from around 30-45 mins, she’s knackered the rest of the time and snoozes around the house. She gets calmer every month that goes by.

You can’t give up the dog. Sorry but you made a commitment and you certainly can’t ditch the her age 1. Your children will be traumatised and remember it. You need to pull up your socks, suck it up and get through the hard bit. Some great advice above - please listen.

I’m absolutely balling at this. 💐

Don't let husband put it all on you. I would be saying i need you to do .......... or we have to rehome. Rather than him framing it as supporting you to rehome if you want