Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

@Littlesadstate90 I thought I'd read one of your previous posts about your situation and I had. I just had another look and one thing that stood out was you getting back from work, shattered and then having to walk the dog. You mentioned your husband who wants to keep the dog doesn't walk it as much as you do.
Having a dog is a huge responsibility but they are also a huge joy. However, if one person is left to do all the dog work then it just becomes another chore.
Your kids are old enough to help with caring for your dog. They can help tidy up the dog toys, help sweeping up hair etc just small things but it will help them realise that having a dog isn't just all fun.
Your husband needs to step up with the walks so it's not all on you.
I really hope you don't rehome your dog as I don't think it will fix the family as you think it will. They will resent you sending it away. But they do need to pull their weight with its care as it's a family pet.

Actually upset at reading the post and I don’t particularly like dogs! What on earth are you thinking? Like others have said this poor animal is now a part of your family. Learn to groom it or get a cleaner if it sheds that much it’s intolerable. Genuinely feel sick at the thought of this poor animal being essentially given up by someone that can’t be bothered to look after it. Horrendous.

Genuinely feel sick at the thought of this poor animal being essentially given up by someone that can’t be bothered to look after it.

Do you feel sick at the thought of guide dog puppy walkers giving them back to be trained at a year old?

Dogs get over it, they aren't human.

It's so hard isn't it

I have a Labrador, she's 5 and we got her before children, but we have 3yo DD now too and I'm pregnant.

The dog is enormously tying, expensive and a strain tbh

But that was our choice when we got a dog and I wouldn't give her away

Most decent breeders will take the dog back. Poor dog.

OP, did you not understand that dogs smell, dribble, shit, shed hair, need walking ?? Have you just arrived on planet earth?

It REALLY boils my piss when feckless idiots get pets without any thought.

And now to top your irresponsible choice you want to teach your children to discard pets when they are too much effort.

Shame on you.

You've made a lifelong commitment to that dog so do your duty and SUCK IT UP.

@Jifmicroliquid 100% Agree! 👏

I wouldn't have a dog because of the fur, the care, the attention the time, the walking, the cold/rain/wind, the poop picking up, the time constraints, another thing for me to have to do/think about.

So the reasons you've given are valid but they are fairly pointless after the event. How you didn't know all of the above before getting a large malting dog is beyond me.

That said, many people have guide dog puppies and bring them up for a year (in households with children) and have to relinquish ownership at just over a year. But these families have known about it from day dot and managed the children accordingly.

So I would for the sake of the dog rehome.

But the children will be broken hearted. I actually love dogs but I have no capacity mentally, physically or time wise for one right now. But I remember the loss of a childhood dog due to relocation (different continent) and I still struggle with loss now as a middle aged grown up.

Perhaps also a deep rooted reason why I justify not having one now.

How you deal with the children is beyond me. They will be heart broken.

I'm so sorry for this situation and I hope anyone reading truly considers the commitment dog ownership comes with before getting one.

Oh the poor dog.

Sigh. All these stupid abusive messages. I love my dog but I hate dog people. No matter what you think of OP, some of these messages really cross a line and the self-righteousness won't make anything better for the OP OR her dog.

I dont like the smell of dogs even if a dog owner says they dont smell well they do its like a none smoker they can sell smoke like a none pet owner can smell pets.
I think you have to do what you feels right for the dog.
My mum always said having pets are like having more kids.

I would never, ever have forgotten or forgiven this if my parents did that. The only exception being serious behavioural difficulties. I was very moved by the 87 year old lady talking of her terrier who was given away ( or worse) when she was a little girl.

Do not underestimate the trauma this could cause your children. If they have a genuine affinity with animals they would never think 'it's just a dog'. To those type of sensitive children, the dog is a furry coated friend, not a disposable soft toy.

You need to work out a more equitable share of dog care. Then it might feel a little less overwhelming.

I totally get the overwhelm. Which is precisely why I haven’t got a puppy although in theory would love one.

Honesty best with the kids - say it’s much harder work than you’d thought. But also, I do wonder if they chip in and you get some help, it could be manageable. Sounds like she’s the straw that’s breaking camel’s back

The same thing happened to us when I was 5. I'm now late 50's and have never forgotten it.

Or just tell the family it’s a family dog. That she can’t look after it on her own and it’s up to them to look after him too.
Give the 5 and 7yo chores - like feeding the dog everyday, brushing it, cleaning the floor.
Give the walks to the husband. Never mind he doesn’t want to do them. His responsibility too, yes?
And she deals with all the rest (which will still be a lot).

I reckon they all will be finding rehoming a good idea.
And if they don’t step up, at least, the OP’s work will be back to a more manageable workload.

Because you agree that this dog is not just the OP responsibility right?
And that if rehoming is so bad, they should all step up because if they dint they are just as bad if not worse than the OP right?

OP, something to think about if you do decide to rehome your dog. There is a charity called Support Dogs UK who will take dogs in need of rehoming to be trained as assistance dogs. As your dog is only a year old, it’s possible she may be suitable for them. This would perhaps help your children cope with losing her, knowing that she has gone to help someone in need. They are based in Sheffield but they source dogs from all over the UK. From their website:
“We feel there are many dogs that are without loving homes, but have huge potential to become support dogs. We are champions for dogs who need a second chance. We source many dogs from rescue centres, council pounds or our pet dogs that sadly their current owners are no longer able to look after. In fact one in four of our support dogs join us in training from this background.”
Not sure whether it’s allowed to post a link, but you can find their website easily.

My mother rehomed our dog we'd had for two years, when I was younger.

I never forgave her.

I absolutely loved that dog, and missed her terribly. I was often the one that walked her, for over an hour every day straight after school, even though she was difficult on walks (and reactive). I groomed her, trained her, played with her. The worst part was having absolutely zero say, after her becoming family for two years.

I've rescues now. No chance of getting rid - and they've been actual hard work, biting etc, needing rehabilitation (not that I was expecting this severe of behaviour, prior, but a commitment is a commitment). I honestly can't stand people like you. Dogs are not disposable.

This bit stands out to me:
'being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……'

What in the fuck did you expect, OP? For any puppy (your lab is still very much a puppy at a mere one year old!) & a lab is a working breed no less. You clearly didn't think about this prior, at all.

I get that it's hard. Being responsible for a dog is, at times.

As hard as it may be (and I have an 18 month old golden retriever, so I know it is!!) you cannot do this to your poor dog, or the kids for that matter. It is still very early days and things will get better. Labs and GRs are notoriously slow to mature and by age 3 you will have a completely different, calmer dog.

You knowingly took on ownership of an intelligent breed that sheds, is high energy, needs plenty of walking and stimulation. I really don’t see how any of this is a shock to you OP. It would be a detrimental precedent to set to your DC that animals can simply be gotten rid of because you don’t feel like looking after them.

She’s a big dog. She probably isn’t totally mature yet. You haven’t really given her a chance.

You can pay for a cleaner once a week. You can pay for doggy daycare a few days a week.
You can get the dog trained.
You can change your lifestyle to be more dog friendly.
Try walking her as a family rather than it be a chore.

Unless she is destructive or aggressive you really don’t have much of a reason to be giving her up and I suspect you will have this pointed out by any charities you attempt to give her to.

As for explaining to the children if you do proceed with rehoming. Explain that it is too hard for Mummy to cope and for you to be able to look after them properly you need to rehome the dog.

Honestly I would reconsider and throw a bit of money at it to solve the problem. Give up the cost of a takeaway in the week and you have the money for a cleaner or doggy daycare et voila!

Exactly. And why get a long haired dog if you can’t be arsed?

Seriously OP - if you are looking for suggestions as to how you come out of this without looking like the bad guy, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s your poor children AND the dog I feel desperately sorry for - not you. You should’ve thought of all this before you committed to having an animal. People like you are the reasons shelters are full to bursting in the main. You should be ashamed of yourself and for Christ’s sake - NEVER get another animal.

THIS.

It's not self righteous to object to the ops ghastly attitude to dog ownership.

People are allowed to disagree with you - this is a discussion forum, it would be pretty pointless if we all just nodded along with each other.

Regardless of the rest of your post, advising someone to advertise their dog for sale "for at least £100" is reckless at best. If OP decides to re-home, it needs to be via a reputable source, not a random advert on the internet.

And yes, I gave plenty of advice upthread if you'd like to check!

Sorry can't help you. I'd never have forgiven my parents for giving up our dog. You give them just long enough to fall in love with her then decide you cba. Scummy thing to do.

Once you get an animal, you commit to them, they're family. That dog loves you, you are her whole life, she has nothing else but you. Do you think she won't pine for you all? Having volunteered in shelters I can honestly tell you that some of those dog missed their owners desperately. To the point where we seriously considered whether putting them down would have been kinder, they were so devastated at having been abandoned.

I'm sorry but I really can't muster up any sympathy for you at all.