Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

I have friends with labs, one of 2, one 9 months. She's doing the gundog training,has had labs since childhood. Says they have to have several short walks because of hip and cruciate potential issues, when they are this young. Oddly enough a friend literally just told me of a relative wanting to re-home a dog (different breed) because the daughter has now discovered boys etc. the dog is also a year old.we had a dog , when I was 13,my parents actually made ME take him to the local RSPCA for rehoming. They were really nasty to me. I'm in my 70s, and never forgave them. I've got 2, always had 2,used to be 3, one is a 10 month old border collie.we have made contingency plans, should anything happen to me or DH.

Dogs adjust very quickly. My friend used to puppy train for a year before they went off for more training as guide dogs.

She trained 15 over the years and they all passed their training and went on to be guide dogs.

Are you actually kidding me?!?!

Did you read the rest of my reply - I was against rehoming at all! But some stupid people still advertise a Dog for Free, which is the absolute worse. Have you got anything constructive to say or is it just that you are argumentative??

It's clearly the right thing for the dog to be rehomed and it will hopefully find a far more suitable home with owners who are equipped to give it what it needs. But honestly OP, people like you who can treat a living creature with its own feelings as something to be cast aside as soon as it becomes an inconvenience to you, make me sick. I'll never understand it.

Find a good home for your dog. Ask the animal shelters for advice. Tell the kids that your dog will now live with another family. No need to explain. Say that this happens sometimes with dogs. Don’t listen to others here who are complaining at you. You realise that you have care limitations for your dog and are responsibility acting on them. I have a dog and I know what is required to look after a dog as part of the family. If you can’t do this then it’s ok and you are being responsible to find good place for your dog.

She’s very young.

also your kids are quite young at 5 and 7

both the dog and the kids will become easier as time goes on

I would give it a little more time if you can, because I think the dog will grow up a bit

on the other hand, do you love her? I know you look after her properly, but do you/your dh really love her? You might, and you might not realise how much you do. You might realise when it’s too late and she’s gone.

im sure the breeder would take her back and be able to rehome her very easily

Dogs are a lifestyle choice & some are up for it, others not. For some it is an eye opener how much of a tie they can be. I know plenty of people who did not get a second dog after the first one died for this reason.

it sounds like you were persuaded to get a ‘family dog’ but dh/dc are not pulling their weight and you know have 2 dc & a young dog to contend with.

if they want to keep the dog maybe they can pitch in more to help look after it?

Exactly. They only fawn over you because you control access to the good stuff like food and walkies. If they could operate door handles and tin openers, they would not bother with humans at all.

I don't think either you or the PP that you quoted understand dogs at all. The emotional connections between dogs and people are very real.

Exactly. They only fawn over you because you control access to the good stuff like food and walkies. If they could operate door handles and tin openers, they would not bother with humans at all.

You sound like your never met a dog. Maybe you mistook them for cats?

I think the Point isn’t that you don’t do these things , but it is the reason you want to re home the dog

Your child may never forgive you for it (yes even at 7)
You made the commitment and your have to stick with it .
It will get easier but yes you do
have to work around the dog .

If your dog must go, please rehome through one of the breed rescues.
https://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/search/find-a-puppy/?Breeds=Retriever+(Labrador)&Distance=15&ActiveCertifiedBreeder=False&MaleDogs=False&FemaleDogs=False&HealthTested=False&TotalResults=0&SortNearest=False&SearchRescueClubs=True&GeneralRescueClubs=False

Tell your children the truth.

Your dog will get better in time, my now 18 month Labrador is now an absolute delight, well mannered, well trained thanks to gundog training. Training will be ongoing because she gets a lot out of it as do I.
A Roomba is worth every penny

You sound like you've never met a cat. They also form strong bonds with humans and have complex emotions beyond hunger.

It's a bit like moving house. You are the adult, so sometimes you have to make decisions your children won't like.

You sound like you've never met a cat. They also form strong bonds with humans and have complex emotions beyond hunger.

You seemed to have missed the joke. Dogs and cats are different though, I have yet to meet an aloof dog

Yes, I didn't see a joke in your post.

Cats are no more aloof than dogs. That's my point.

Actually the point is that, sometimes, things are much harder than you thought for many reasons.
Just like the person you married ends up not being someone you can actually live with fur the rest of your life. Imagine if you were saying ‘I’ve made the commitment so now I can never get divorced’

Much better imo to show your dcs you’ve tried (which the OP has) and accept in a mature way that it isn’t working. Just like a marriage might not be working and your dcs will be heartbroken at the idea of a divorce. And yet it will still e right decision.

Interesting too to see all the responsibility seems to be on the OP’s shoulders. Not many calls against the dh who isn’t stepping up and taking over despite being ‘against’ rehoming. Why??

Yes but they are NOT a child. They are not humans.

Our responsibility as humans isn’t the same than the one we have towards our own children. Saying so is disingenuous. You can care for an animal, love them, wo falliing into that sort talk.

@Littlesadstate90 if you are still reading.

Find a good place for the dog.
Meanwhile explain to your dcs it’s not working and ddog would be happier in a family that will have more time to devote to them (explain it’s staying at home alone too long because you are out and about doing activities with them/working for example/You can’t go and see gran as often/whatever restrictions the dog has brought).
Remind them of all the things you’ve tried to make it work.
Rehome the dog without guilt.

And yes your dcs might be sad. It might also be very short lived (I can’t remember ever been at heartbroken at the loosing a pet as a child. Not everyone will be devastated. Sad yes.). Don’t assume and act as if it will be the end of the world. But adjust your reaction to how THEY react iyswim. Sometimes children’s reactions are more a mirror of our own than theirs ime

@LordSnot just scroll on then...

I once had an alsatian who was wonderful but whom I rehomed before I rehomed my bf.

He actually belonged to my bf but I was the one who trained him (the dog), fed him, walked him (2 x 60 mins a day) and basically had his heart. My bf, his legal owner, didn't lift a finger but would whone on about how he loved his puppy.

You have to make your decision on what's best for the dog. If you can't care for the dog and no one else will then doggy has to go onto a better home. That is what you tell your dc: Rover needs to go to a home where he'll be happier.

The OP sounds incredibly selfish, and really rather unpleasant

Was it your OH who got the dog? If so that happened to me and I'm the one left to look after him. Sick of it

if you don't love the dog enough to want to brush it or take it for a walk it is probably best you re-home it. Then be honest with your DC and tell them you have rehomed the dog because you can't be bothered to walk it or brush it. Don't lie to them or blame the dog.

and why is it just the OP’s responsibility to brush and walk the dog- it is a family dog so every member of the family (yep even the 5 year old) has a job to do. Sounds like everyone fancied a family dog and just left OP to do all the hard work.