DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

I can move cat’s stuff into one room, but that also seems unfair? I DO care about the cat

is putting a dog in time out once he’s started chasing (quicker than me) effective anyway? Happy to try but everything I’ve tried seems to be the issue as it’s always after the chase

If you really feel like DP would have to move out because you'd pick the dog, you're going to have to accept that there will still be a huge amount of work to do to have a well trained dog.

Getting rid of the partner so that your dog can carry on with their 'natural' behaviour isn't going to be good for the dog.

How would you feel if your husband brought another dog in who constantly attacked & chased your dog so much it was permanently terrified but didn’t care about it enough to hire a behaviourist? Do you think you’d want the new dog gone?

You really need to get a trainer/behaviourist in. The trainer we used for loose lead walking does cat reactivity also and I’ve seen their videos, it can work but you need to put the time in. I always find this stage of puppyhood, 9mo+, to be the toughest but most important when it comes to training & boundaries.

Good luck to you all (especially the poor cat)!

Poor cat. Poor DH.

Everyone is saying the same thing but op doesn't want to hear it. This thread isn't going the way she wanted!

Is MN clearly more a cat loving place?
I don't particularly like cats or dogs, if that helps.

If moving the cats stuff is keeping it from getting chased then it's not unfair.
Also time out after the incident isn't going to achieve much. You need to correct the behaviour just before (while the dog is showing signs of wanting to chase) or during.

What breed is the dog?

You need to pay someone to show you most effective ways to prevent the chase.
My family always took dogs to trainers even when we had decades of experience with them.
A time out by itself is not going to cut it for puppy in puberty.

Fucking hell, who adopts a dog from an international rescue when they have a cat already?! Could you not see this coming OP?

I have two cats and two dogs and I am definitely more of a dog person. But you are so wrong here, the cat does not deserve to be terrorised by your dog and you should have properly trained it to be cat friendly from the start.

I had cats first and as a first time dog owner, I booked some in individual at home dog training sessions and we specifically covered introduction to cats. My dogs are both completely tolerant, friendly even, to our own cats and pretty oblivious to any strange cats they see whilst out.

I completely agree with your boyfriend.

Rehome yourself or the fig. Quite simple really. Feel so sorry for the cat. My sister visited for an hour with their dog once- they live 200 miles awaty and popped in her way to my mum's. Our cats hid for the rest of the day.
Something has obviously happened in the last month or so.
Imagine you wanting to just rest in your home and someone jump and poke you every time you walked in a room.
Poor cat. And poor dog too.

It WAS cat friendly? I’ve said that so many times

Isn’t that because the cat hides from the dog? You don’t sound like you care about the cat at all tbh, as long as the dog doesn’t have anything ‘limiting it’s life’. Even if you didn’t have a cat the dog still needs training! Every new post from the OP makes the situation sound even worse.

You must prevent the dog chasing the cat AT ALL. A time out (what even is that for a dog?) is pointless.

Some dogs will never be safe around cats.

in your shoes I’d hire a great trainer and come up with a proper plan. The fact that you are talking about putting the dog in time out suggests to me that you don’t know much about training. You need help.

However if that doesn’t work then you’ll need to re home or move out. Keeping the dog on a lead 24/7 is cruel and impractical. Allowing the cat to be attacked is also cruel.

I had no expectations for this thread to go a set way, I wanted advice and opinions, which I’m getting. I’m not mad it’s more me being unreasonable, I asked for a reason. I’m only answering with my honest views as well… to engage in the thread I started, it’s not that I don’t want to hear what you’re saying and I will be taking advice on board

You don't actually want advice OP, do you? It sounds like you're not willing to work on this.

The time out reply was literally me responding to someone suggesting it, hence I said it sounds ineffective

I’m shocked at your lack of compassion for the cat, you said your partner had the cat just before you met so you have known it pretty much it’s whole life but are happy to have it attacked ‘only’ twice a day. Twice a day is a huge amount of times for the cat to be terrified, how are you minimising this?

We have 9 year old cats and a 10 month old puppy and they live happily together. How old was your dog when you had it? If it was really young there must have been times when it showed dominance/aggression to the cat before it escalated to this point. Our puppy initially tried to play a bit rough with the cats like he would with his litter mates but we saw it immediately and nipped it in the bud. Dogs don’t just naturally hate cats.

What. Breed. Is the dog?

You need to keep them completely sperate for now while you try to sort this issue. Then you need to start reintroduction, slowly. You need to tire that dog out , both mentally and physically so that it's got less energy when the work is being done. You can't train an excited and energetic dog. You need to train it to sit , stay and come reliably. Once it's time for the cat and dog to meet again face to face , then yes dog needs to be on a lead.

Look for a good dog trainer in your area and see if you can learn the right techniques to train your dog not to attack the cat

Get a trainer in, if that doesn’t work you rehome the dog or move out

countless pp have asked the breed and you’re not answering

I’d get a stair gate and allocate the dog it’s own space too, the cat can then get away and as the dog gets older he will have his own chill space.
id definitely see if a local trainer can help, even if it’s a couple of sessions of things you can put in place.

Here's some advice then - get rid of the dog.

You haven’t said that you specifically did cat training with the dog though? I suspect it was more a case of you never having an issue come up, rather than you actively trained your dog around the cat. Have you booked in some emergency behaviourist training now?