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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

474 replies

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 05:56

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

OP posts:
Finlesswonder · 24/10/2023 06:33

Move out and get your own place with a garden for you and your dog, you can still see your DP.

This is really disgusting behaviour towards this cat. It's having its fur ripped out? If I were your DP I'd be so upset and would definitely dump you just for the sheet lack of empathy towards an animal

HaPPy8 · 24/10/2023 06:33

Yes you can use indoor training leads. It’s not forever it’s while they are learning. Also clicker training might be an option. What have you tried so far?

lots if cats and dogs live together peacefully this is not inevitable.

Sirzy · 24/10/2023 06:34

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:32

People are so quick to call rehoming the dog… to what, the countless homes lined up for dogs? Is MN clearly more a cat loving place?

I am not a fan of cats at all. But the cat was there first and deserves to feel safe.

you should have thought this likelihood through before introducing the dog to the household. Did you even take proper advice on the best way to introduce them?

coaltitsrock · 24/10/2023 06:34

the dog keeps attacking the cat. It's just not fair. You blame it on the dog's temper, the dog's age, now you say the breed may not be suitable for cats. the cat was there first and if you are not willing to work hard on it, let it go. it's the only decent thing to do.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:36

the cat is seen twice a day by the dog, I am honestly just confused how keeping him on a lead the whole day until those 2 moments, is beneficial to his well-being at all, I understand it would prevent the cat chase, but that’s massively then limiting his life

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 24/10/2023 06:36

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:30

And the reason I say it feels nothing can be done at this stage is because plenty of dogs are known to not be suitable with cats, but obviously as ours was so young, it’s only just come about now

So if nothing can be done, what is your solution? Carry on as you are? That's not fair on the cat.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/10/2023 06:36

Simonjt · 24/10/2023 05:58

In my view you are, the cat was there first, if if was we would be looking at rehoming the dog to keep the cat safe.

I agree.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:37

Eh, yes. I introduced them appropriately and they literally slept next to each other for 5 months

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 24/10/2023 06:37

People are so quick to call rehoming the dog… to what, the countless homes lined up for dogs? Is MN clearly more a cat loving place?
People are quick to advocate for responsible dog ownership, which includes acknowledging when a poor decision was made.

A rescue dog who attacks the cat in the house, with what seems to be an inexperienced owner who minimises the behaviour as chasing a cat, is unlikely to thrive in that environment.

WeWereInParis · 24/10/2023 06:37

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:36

the cat is seen twice a day by the dog, I am honestly just confused how keeping him on a lead the whole day until those 2 moments, is beneficial to his well-being at all, I understand it would prevent the cat chase, but that’s massively then limiting his life

You've said the cat hides all the time. So surely that is why the dog hardly ever sees it. The cat shouldn't have to hide all the time because it gets attacked whenever it comes out

Peepshowcreepshow · 24/10/2023 06:39

Not only are you unreasonable, you don't want to be told you are. Your dog is terrorising the cat. Stop being a lazy owner, sort it out properly, re-home the dog or move out.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:39

I genuinely want a solution to this for both of them and to have both, but it just feels the solution is for one of them to be unhappy. I really don’t want to rehome him, even if it seems most fair to get rid of him because he came second, I really can’t do that and would honestly have to move out

i admit I’m not an experienced owner but I am genuinely trying and think he is thriving here

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 24/10/2023 06:39

I assume dog is going through adolescence, get a behaviourist in to help

whiteroseredrose · 24/10/2023 06:39

Poor cat. You move in to his home and bring in a nightmare. We adored our dog but he always had strong boundaries.

You need to be doing more than verbal commands to your dog when he does this. Because it clearly isn't working.

Loud no, swiftly picked up, put in isolation and ignored. Or a water spray worked with ours. But you need to be constantly on your toes to anticipate it. No relaxing. Maybe get professional dog help.

Otherwise it really isn't fair on the cat and the dog will need to go.

PureAmazonian · 24/10/2023 06:40

What breed is the dog, to your best knowledge?

To me it does sound very much like a playful puppy chasing, that is then turning into prey drive as the puppy is in chase mode (hence the fur being tugged out). In my experience prey drive is extremely hard to train out of a dog, being that it is such an instinctual trait.

I would say if you feel you have tried everything and there isn't any more YOU feel you can do, then I'd say the puppy isn't a great match for your household and something needs to change. The puppy should really be rehomed. I don't think people are being unfair here, in saying that the cat is miserable and was there first, I just don't think it's what you want to hear.

PuntasticUsername · 24/10/2023 06:41

"the cat is seen twice a day by the dog, I am honestly just confused how keeping him on a lead the whole day until those 2 moments, is beneficial to his well-being at all, I understand it would prevent the cat chase, but that’s massively then limiting his life"

OK, well from this you clearly only care about your dog and don't give a shit about the poor cat, so just crack on as you are then I guess?

Fucks sake. Not surprised your DP is upset with you.

Sirzy · 24/10/2023 06:42

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:37

Eh, yes. I introduced them appropriately and they literally slept next to each other for 5 months

Surely letting them sleep together wasn’t wise though as it means the cat isn’t given space and the dog isn’t taught to respect the dogs space?

to me that suggests poor boundaries from the off!

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:43

I moved into his home and brought a nightmare? What? We moved into a new home together, which I half own ffs

OP posts:
FreddiesTeeth · 24/10/2023 06:43

You've had lots of good advice on this thread.
No one is validating your stance.
Stop being defensive and take the advice.
Get a behaviourist in. It'll be much cheaper than splitting up when you have a house between you.

Normalsizedsalad · 24/10/2023 06:44

So what training are you doing and how are you correcting the behaviour?

PureAmazonian · 24/10/2023 06:44

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:39

I genuinely want a solution to this for both of them and to have both, but it just feels the solution is for one of them to be unhappy. I really don’t want to rehome him, even if it seems most fair to get rid of him because he came second, I really can’t do that and would honestly have to move out

i admit I’m not an experienced owner but I am genuinely trying and think he is thriving here

I'm sorry OP. But you would choose the puppy you've only had for several months over your relationship with you DP? OP something is very wrong here.

Birdie8989 · 24/10/2023 06:44

I'm a dog and cat lover (we have both) but OP this post makes me really sad. The cat is traumatised and being hurt daily, and you are defending the dog saying that it's not fair to upset a puppy's play time to keep it on a lead 🤦‍♀️ you are knowingly allowing an animal to be hurt - the dog needs to be kept away until it can be trusted.

Why is the cat coming into the dogs area? Is it for food / litter / to go outside? Can the things it needs be put in the safe place on the other side of the baby gate? What is the dog like when you are holding the cat? How are you dealing with the dog when it chases the cat?

Bigmoanbabyg · 24/10/2023 06:45

I'm not sure homing a puppy is really a "rescue" since the demand for them is high vs an adult dog. You probably should have got a dog that was good around other animals or at least trained the puppy to be.

Losing a relationship over your want to get a dog from a puppy and do no training does sound a bit lazy and lacking compromise. Perhaps an indication of a future spinster life. You should really make more effort if you don't want that future.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 24/10/2023 06:45

You don’t have to rehome the dog, but you do need to sort the problem out immediately.

madeinmanc · 24/10/2023 06:47

If nothing can be done then you need to re-home the dog. Very sad, but sometimes difficult decisions need to be made to protect animals if you are a responsible pet owner.