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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

474 replies

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 05:56

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

OP posts:
usernother · 24/10/2023 07:08

You do know that dogs can sometimes kill cats don't you. If your dog has progressed to chasing the cat and fur is coming out this is what it could progress to. It's your choice. Rehome your dog or split up and sell your home.

Fizzypop88 · 24/10/2023 07:08

Can I just suggest that you try the lead? Just for a couple of days. Put the effort in for a week, really focus your effort, keep him on a lead so you can immediately interrupt and prevent the chasing. Work on him watching the cat calmly. After a couple of days not being able to chase the cat it might be enough.
look at it this way - putting in some really concentrated effort for a single week would actually be less effort than your partner having to move out/you having to re home the dog/pretty much any other scenario.
im not saying it’s a guarantee, but sometimes with animals actually really focusing some effort/interrupting a behaviour quickly/getting some high value treats. The problem can be sorted. You might need to revisit the lead, but the pupper will eventually clock on that he cannot chase the cat.
I LOVE dogs more than anything, but even I feel terribly sorry for your cat. Please try!

Universalsnail · 24/10/2023 07:10

Re always having dog on the lead. It's called house lead method. You set up a space in your house that is completely safe for the dog to be (so a crate that leads to a playpen or an isolated room) and in there the dog isn't on a lead. Then when you take it out of their you have it on a thin lead that is attached to you at all times. Then you can address any behaviours as they come up immediately. Eventually you loose the house lead once the dog is fully trained.

Daveismyhero · 24/10/2023 07:10

A house lead in an excellent way to train out thr chasing behaviour. It worked in only a couple of days with my dog who developed an insanely high prey drive as he became a teenager. Do you know the breed of the dog to see what genetic traits your dealing with?
At the minute the cats life is in danger and I completely understand your partners point of view. You need to sort this chasing out sharpish. A good trainer should be able to help you

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:10

I get a lot of guilt and paranoia that I’m doing the right thing for him… he’s my first pet and I’m trying really hard even if you think I’m not… I worry all the time about doing stuff that will be bad for him or make him unhappy. If him being on a lead all the time isn’t mean then sure… but he has so much energy, I take him out for off lead runs multiple times a day (I limit to 45 mins at a time but do it multiple to burn energy) but he still wants to play and do brain games etc and if the cat comes out then, I’m fucked as he’s quicker than I’ll ever be

OP posts:
LaLoba · 24/10/2023 07:10

Putting limitations on a dog doesn’t = an unhappy dog. Teaching them impulse control does lead to a happy dog. I think you’ll need a vet recommended trainer to help you with that, but comments like “ I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really” don’t suggest you’ll make the effort.

I’m currently training my 11 week old high energy puppy to be respectful of my 2 cats and 3 rabbits. Although the cats are confident and friendly, she still needs the training for when she gets bigger and more confident herself. And ‘leave’ is the first thing I teach a dog in a house with pets she can hurt.

I think your partner will be dodging a bullet by splitting with your attitude to this.

WandaWonder · 24/10/2023 07:11

OP it totally seems like you want us to give you permission to say he is being unreasonable, and why on earth did you adopt from overseas? are the not any dogs left locally? those questions are not relevant to your partner

I don't think you will get the answers you want

TheresaBouvey · 24/10/2023 07:11

Poor cat

i have 2 rescue sight hounds (are your sight hounds? ) and 1 is fine with cats and one would try to kill them as they trigger his prey drive

lots of rescues would not give you a sight hound if you have cats due to the prey drive issue!

you will need to somehow train your dog and if you can’t or won’t keep him on a lead

you kinda messed up here and now it is up to you to try and make it work

but even as a sight hounds owner I feel for the cat!

Universalsnail · 24/10/2023 07:11

The current situation is dangerous for the cat but also the dog who could have it's eyes swiped by cat claws so it can't be left to continue.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:11

Okay thank you. So I can have a room he doesn’t have to be on a lead for? That sounds fairer

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 24/10/2023 07:11

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:32

People are so quick to call rehoming the dog… to what, the countless homes lined up for dogs? Is MN clearly more a cat loving place?

Well it's really very simple. The cat was there first and the dog is the aggressor.

wineymummy · 24/10/2023 07:12

YABU. I love dogs, WFH, huge garden, kids are older. Still I won't get one until the cat dies because she was here first and she is terrified of dogs. Your poor cat.

CobwebsAndCauldrons · 24/10/2023 07:12

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:10

I get a lot of guilt and paranoia that I’m doing the right thing for him… he’s my first pet and I’m trying really hard even if you think I’m not… I worry all the time about doing stuff that will be bad for him or make him unhappy. If him being on a lead all the time isn’t mean then sure… but he has so much energy, I take him out for off lead runs multiple times a day (I limit to 45 mins at a time but do it multiple to burn energy) but he still wants to play and do brain games etc and if the cat comes out then, I’m fucked as he’s quicker than I’ll ever be

A soft, thin lead left to trail (when you are supervising) means the dog can move free but you have something to grab quickly if needed.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:12

I’m really not sure but it’s a terrier mix. I’ve asked in a Facebook group before and got mixed opinions on breed so it seemed a bit unreliable to just guess. I am planning on DNA testing out of interest

OP posts:
madeinmanc · 24/10/2023 07:14

A lead is all very well but if a dog grabs a cat in its jaws and starts shaking you may not be able to prise the jaws open to release the cat before it is killed.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 24/10/2023 07:14

Behaviour can change in dogs when they start maturing. At 10 months old my puppy changed but calmed down massively when he was castrated.
are you going to have your dog ‘done’?

is your dog crate trained? To keep both of your pets safe it is very important that your dog is crate trained and it is acceptable to keep him in a lead until he is trained. My dog was either on a lead or in his cage until he was better trained. He is 4 now and it didn’t do him any harm.
look into getting a professional dog trainer who can teach you for the basics such as ‘charging markers’, ‘sitting on the dog’, google these dog training terms.

HaddawayAndShite · 24/10/2023 07:15

i admit I’m not an experienced owner but I am genuinely trying
No you’re not. You’re a clueless owner who thinks they can fix it themselves without any real effort. You need an experienced behaviourist trainer and to realise the fucking trauma you’re putting this cat through. You’ve whined about how keeping a dog confined is no life but seem to find it acceptable that a cat literally has to run for its life in its own home. I hope your fella sees sense.

Universalsnail · 24/10/2023 07:15

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:11

Okay thank you. So I can have a room he doesn’t have to be on a lead for? That sounds fairer

Yes have a designated space where he is left when you can't interact with him and make sure it's dog proof and the cat can not go in there. A crate with pen or a room. Then have him on a house line everywhere else until the issue is resolved that way he is immediately there and you can address any behavioural issue that comes up.

Some of the leading gentle dog trainers recommend this method of puppy training. It isn't cruel for him and will keep him and the cat safe while you focus on training him with the cat.

Photographsandmemories · 24/10/2023 07:16

Def think of it as training the dog for his own safety. You don't want him lunging into traffic after a car on a walk, or attacking a much larger dog who will eat him for breakfast.

The moggy doesn't sound much cop (should be able to despatch 6kg dog easily enough) but it must be frightened. It's not fair really.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:17

He’s crate trained and it’s where he sleeps at night so cat can still sleep in our bed.

he wasn’t shipped from abroad, he was in foster here already

OP posts:
MyCircumference · 24/10/2023 07:17

you dog can thrive in another family

J3llycat · 24/10/2023 07:17

@LostitwithMax you need to get a 1 on 1 local trainer in the house, plenty will offer these services with a Google search. Work through training exercises as much as possible in the house and supervise the dog at all times. You need to find high value treats and use these to train the dog. Do not listen to the people saying to rehome - this adds to the issue of shelters already being overwhelmed and the dog will not be able to be rehomed with other cats. The dog is already learning to trust you as a family and you cannot add to it's issues by sending it back to another shelter. You all need to work together on this, it will be hard work and stressful but don't give up as giving up is why rescues exist in the first place. The dog is young and will respond in good time, you all need to persevere and not look to blame eachother.

HoldOnMiGenna · 24/10/2023 07:18

Another indolent idiot who thinks that even their own partner and his cat has to tolerate their untrained dog, much less the public.
These people need studying.
If the OP had any empathy, this wouldn't even be a thread.
The clue is in " ripped out fur".

MintJulia · 24/10/2023 07:22

The fact that you could even think of living with a situation where a dog can daily attack a cat, is ridiculous. With that attitude, you aren't a suitable person to keep any animal.

If he's a terrier-cross, his instinct is to hunt. That's what they are bred to do. Spain banned hunting with dogs earlier this year so many terrier-types were abandoned and ended up in rescues. Looks like you've rehomed one of them but it isn't working. How will you feel when he eventually kills the cat?

I'm with your dp on this. Either the dog needs to be rehomed again or you need to move out.