AIBU to think my son should forgive my youth.

[AmberBear22]

Firstly I am not here to say I’m the world best mum, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes but feel that I’ve lost everything.

I have 4 children aged 15, 7, 4 and 2. I had my DS aged 15 when I was 16 way too young. I struggled a lot with raising him, me and his dad stayed together till he was 1 but couldn’t work out. Dad was 18 and I was 17 when we broke up, working full time and always out of the house whilst I was a SAHM.

I had a string of BF as you do when young. I also experimented with drugs, smoked and drank. Unfortunately when my DS was 5 I met a man who physically abused him and my next 2 BFs did the same. I’ll be honest I did also hit him throughout his life until I got pregnant with his brother and realised I needed to grow up. We didn’t have a lot of money and mainly relied on benefits and what his dad gave us. I had a lot of angry BFs so we moved a lot.

Doesn't paint a great picture but I’ve changed. I’m now 31 and an adult.

I still vape and occasionally smoke weed but not like when he was young.

5 years ago he made the decision to live with his dad and stepmum full time and I haven’t seen him in 2 and a half years. He recently posted a video on TikTok which I was shown from his 15th birthday. It was saying how much he loves his mum and dad and I feel like she’s trying to replace me.

I sent him a message saying I’m his mum not her and he needs to forgive me and come home. He ignored me.

I feel he is been pathetic and needs to realise I was a child and I’ve matured. What can I do to get my son back?

The way you reacted to his video and the message you sent him show that you have not grown up, you haven’t gotten smarter, you haven’t matured. You are not a parent. That was an awful message to send. The way you speak here, saying he is pathetic, shows how little you understand what you did.

I had my kids very young too. I didn’t not have a string of boyfriends. Didn’t have any in fact, because I had young kids and concentrated on them and on building a career whilst managing young kids alone. I didn’t drink or do drugs or hit my kids. Your behaviour wasn’t due to your age, it was clearly due to the type of person you are. We all know families like that and we cross the road to avoid them. Your son has got out, and has a stable home. You are not a parent.

Did you say he’s being pathetic?
But you’ve grown up now?
I'm speechless
leave him alone to have a safe peaceful life. Focus on your other children.

I voted YANBU by mistake.

I think YABU.

I think he will need time (years, maybe when he's in his 30's) and therapy to navigate a relationship with you.

I speak as someone wih a very high ACE score myself and as such a complicated relationship with my parents.

I think the fact your calling him pathetic shows your not ready to navigate this delicate situation with maturity just yet.

Sounds like youve had a difficult life, focus on bettering yourself. Be grateful he has stability and love from his Dad and stepmum, hopefully he will lead a settled late teens/early adulthood to allow him to go on to a better life.

You're all boo-hoos and begging for allowances to be made for your youthful poor choices, but what about his trauma from his childhood?

No empathy for him, huh?!

And he is STILL a child!

No parent is perfect but you have been FAR from it.

Every single BF you had WAS YOUR CHOICE. YOU brought abusive men into his home. Repeatedly!

FFS he suffered at the hands of your chosen partners and all you have is excuses and calling him 'pathetic' for choosing his dad and step Mum, even though by the sounds of it they have provided him with the first stable home and family life he has ever had.

You want him to choose you but THANK GOD he is choosing himself because you have made it clear who your priority is and it's never been him.

You still have some growing up to do, IMO.

`

This is almost definitely a fake post but on the of chance it isn’t please understand that you are a horrific woman and mother who does not deserve a single minute of your sons time and I hope he is clever enough to keep you out his life forever. Your poor other children.

I am of an age where being 16 and pregnant was not as rare as it is today.

I have heard stories of how these people would catch themselves acting like a child (counting out sweets with their children so they didn’t miss out on their share) not one of the people I knew did what you did.

The most you can do is stop doing weed and be the best parent you can be to your other children and ask for his forgiveness

You aren’t ever going to get him back under your roof. The trust between you has been broken. The most you can hope for is that one day your other dc can have a nice relationship with their brother and maybe he will talk to you again.

You are a horrible mother poor little boy so glad he’s got away from you - feel sorry for kids still with you!

He feels this other woman has been a better parent to him that you have so he’s decided to bestow the precious gift on her of being called his mum.

Almost nothing about this rage bait sounds believable.

@AmberBear22 - can you honestly blame your son for choosing the parents who didn't abuse him or allow their partners (not one, not two, but three partners) to abuse him?

Frankly you are expecting more maturity from him at age 15 than you seem to have as an adult.

All you can do is to improve your own life - and stopping the weed would be an excellent place to start, for his sake, your sake and the sake of the children who are still with you. He might be able to move past his awful, abusive childhood, in time, but if he can't forgive you, I wouldn't blame him.

Where the hell was his dad until he was 8? Why did he not step in and take him to live with him?

What have I just read?? No, he does not need to forgive you. You belong in prison.

Oh, this is sad. I have a child your son’s age and I can’t imagine calling them pathetic. You and your random boyfriends abused him for many years.

You're not entitled to anything so no he doesn't have to forgive you. Honestly, it sounds like she has replaced you and presumably is a better mum to your son.
You don't sound like you've grown up at all. You gave him a shit childhood. I wouldn't forgive that. Maybe when you actually grow up you'll see why he doesn't want anything to do with you.

You can't say he "needs" to forgive you. At most you can ask but it needs to be his choice. Asking to see him is less extreme than saying he "needs" to come home. It's his choice, you aren't in a position to make demands.

Sorry about the gif, dunno how to delete that.

Doubt this is real but if it is, I hope the boy never speaks to you again or if he does it is to have you charged and your other children removed.

Cruelty to a child (Section 1 of the 1933 Act): This covers willful assault, ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment, or exposure causing unnecessary suffering or injury to health, including mental health. 14 years prison @AmberBear22

Abosoutely sickened by your vile behaviour and entitled attitude. You don't deserve forgiveness.

You need to take responsibility for the huge amount of trauma you have inflicted on him and be grateful he has a stable home now. If you do that t and apologise and tell you him understand then he may be able to start forgiving you.

I find it hard to believe someone is this stupid or oblivious but assuming this is true I would count yourself lucky you weren't charged with child abuse and neglect. I understand you were young but you were an absolute disgrace, you hit your child and allowed multiple bfs to do the same, do you actually understand the damage you have done?
Thank god for his dad and stepmum, you should be thanking your lucky stars that your child had parents who actually looked after him.

I don’t know how they weren’t under social services

Is this thread a pisstake?

Please stop having children, why are these stories of abuse always littered with kids with every man that comes along.

You are my age with 4 children including one teenager. Most of my friends of this haven't even had their first baby yet! How wonderful that the state supported your 4 children, presumably from different fathers who you kept breeding with despite not being able to afford them. You are an abusive mother who prioritised her boyfriends who physically abused your poor son. Throw in some good healthy drugs and addiction. Mother of the year. I'm so surprised that he wants to be as far away from you as possible.

Bad mother award. Not all teenagers drink, smoke, take drugs etc and have countless bf’s, several of whom physically abused him with your knowledge (and you joined in). You have let your son down very badly. How dare you demand forgiveness from him.

You haven’t matured in the slightest. Not a good mother. You need to face up to the fact you failed and are still failing as his mother, you don’t deserve that moniker. Thank goodness he has a new decent mum.

If a man abuses a child HE is a monster. Stop blaming women for MENS abuse.