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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Stepson refusing to get out of bed again and i just cant anymore

267 replies

FlorenceAtFour · 10/10/2025 16:17

Hi i dont even know what im asking really just need a handhold 😭
He’s not been into school all week just stays in bed gaming all night then sleeps half the day and partner says just leave him but i cant because its me sat here every morning trying to get him up while partner’s off to work. He just blanks me like im not even there.

Ive tried everything nice and not so nice i’ve shouted i’ve begged i’ve tried making breakfast and being calm but he just rolls over. School keep ringing me and i dont even know what to say anymore because i can’t make him go. Partner says its not my problem but it is though because he lives here and it’s affecting everyone.

The little ones are shattered because he’s up half the night banging about and shouting on that game. I’m running on no sleep and feel like i’m losing it a bit. I know he’s been through stuff before he came here and i do feel for him but i can’t keep doing this every morning on my own. Partner says i’m too soft but i just feel stuck.

Probly gonna get told to let his mum deal but she doesnt even text anymore 🤷‍♀️
I just dont know what else to do x

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/10/2025 16:19

Turn off the internet at night (obviously) and take the router to bed. Let his dad deal with the school, you’re not related to him.

AwkwardPaws27 · 10/10/2025 16:21

His dad needs to step up and sort out the nighttime gaming & school attendance or he could get a big fine...

MuggleMe · 10/10/2025 16:22

How old is he?

Needlenardlenoo · 10/10/2025 16:23

What @LaurieFairyCake said. Also "lose" your phone and don't give school the new number.

If the school ring his actual parents each time, perhaps they will realise they need to get off their behinds.

ladykale · 10/10/2025 16:24

Sounds like a terrible father

obviously disconnect at night & take all devices

Obviously confiscate gaming stuff until he starts attending school

your partner sounds like a shocking parent. If this is what people mean by “they can’t make their child go to school”, I’m less sympathetic than I usually am!

ThejoyofNC · 10/10/2025 16:26

Why hasn't anyone turned the Wi-Fi off?

Arlanymor · 10/10/2025 16:31

Your partner (must be husband if there's a stepson) is a pathetic excuse for a parent. What's he doing to sort his son out?

Meadowfinch · 10/10/2025 16:32

Turn the router off and lock it in the boot of your car. Cancel his phone account.

Then get a warm wet flannel with some cleanser. Go into his room, pin him to the pillow and wash his face. When he protests loudly, explain that he smells, he is filthy and you don't want your bed clothes ruined.

Then fetch the hoover and hoover his room thoroughly. When that's done, open the windows wide, and clean the glass (while making the room cold). Then tidy noisily, rearranging books, throwing clothes from the floor onto the bed etc.

Stop being nice. Do not take his shit. Home has to be sufficiently uncomfortable that he showers and goes to school. If he won't go, tell him to get up and help you clean the gutters. If he doesn't like it he can go home to his mum.

thewalrus3 · 10/10/2025 16:34

Agree with pp. In a way you’ve enabled both of them by being the one to deal with it. Stop. Tell the school what’s going on and ask that they remove your number and contact his dad from now on.

Turn off WiFi and/or remove all tech by 8pm every night. There will be a backlash, don’t engage. If he is about during the day what’s he doing? Sleeping? Don’t engage with him during this time at all, don’t make him food, don’t even speak to him. He needs to learn this isn’t acceptable.

SoManyDandelions · 10/10/2025 16:34

Why are the school contacting you, and not one of his parents? I'd put a stop to that.

Agree with taking the WiFi router to bed with you.

How old are all the DC? Are they half siblings or step siblings?

I'd probably separate from DP and let him deal with his son in a different house. It sounds miserable for you and your DC

Userxyd · 10/10/2025 16:37

Just get rid of all gaming equipment and phones until he gets settled back in school, doing homework and putting effort in. Why should he bother atm? Hes being supervised to live like a bum, free food, life of Riley - this is not teaching him how the world works and he’ll be dependent for life unless he learns how to motivate himself and get on with life.

MumChp · 10/10/2025 16:38

Ask your partner to step up and parent. I wouldn't cope for a minute more.

Pinkysparkles · 10/10/2025 16:44

I work in Social care and I guarantee he will not get a job . He will get worse and your life will be hell as will your children’s. You will be stuck with a man child in his twenties using your home like a hotel and treating you like crap. He is your problem. He is in your home causing you so much stress. But the actual problem is your DH who is enabling this and allowing you all to suffer as he has no back bone. This is will get worse. I see it over and over.

Ooogle · 10/10/2025 16:44

Turning off WiFi might not help that much if he has data

itscomplicatedagain · 10/10/2025 16:46

It seems unusual for teenagers to just stop going to school unless something else is going on for him.
I sympathise as it’s very frustrating dealing with this.
I have 3 teenagers myself and some of them have struggled at times with school attendance. One due to undiagnosed special needs. ( ASD and ADHD) and one due to depression. There have also been other life events including divorce, and a parent with a serious illness that have impacted at times.

It seems likely there is something going on for him to make him not want/ be able to go to school. If it was my child/ step child I’d take that view and explore what could be happening.
Dad needs to step up as well.

Sez1990 · 10/10/2025 16:48

What do you mean your partner says you're too soft? He's the one who should be doing the parenting and getting him to school! Tough luck if he's going to work, that's his son! Tell school to call his Dad about it

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 10/10/2025 16:49

Nope you’ve got a DP problem firstly - he needs to stop the gaming that is keeping everyone up he needs to

  1. parent - for all his kids and his partner stop the shouting and banging.
  2. Needs to get his son to school and get in there and clean his kid!!
Your partner is a joke.

Tell the school you are no longer to be contacted and if your DP doesn’t step up then he and his son move out!

No way I could cope with a teenager banging on at a game all night not when you’ve just got out of the toddler / newborn trenches!

FeralWoman · 10/10/2025 16:51

LTB and make sure he takes his son with him. Your DP sounds like a shit parent. School should be ringing him and not you. Don’t put any more effort into the stepson.

Balloonhearts · 10/10/2025 16:51

Oh ffs, why are you putting up with this? Take the fucking game console and sell it. Or bin it. Whatever, just get rid of it. Tell him people who don't attend school or work can't afford PlayStations.

He does not get to keep you all up at night on it either. I'd be in his room at 7am sharp, hoovering and cleaning as noisily as possible. If you don't get to sleep, neither does he. If you can't physically get rid of it just ensure no WiFi access and take the charger or power cable. The defiant attitude only lasts as long as the battery.

The phone goes too. He isn't going to school so you don't pay for it and he doesn't work so he can't pay for it. Just cancel the contract so no data and change WiFi password so he can't use that either.

Cookaburraa · 10/10/2025 16:52

Bin the console. Kids don’t need addictive screens that add nothing positive.

MumChp · 10/10/2025 16:58

Ooogle · 10/10/2025 16:44

Turning off WiFi might not help that much if he has data

Close phone down.

Original poster
FlorenceAtFour · 10/10/2025 17:00

Thanks everyone i know you’re all right about partner needing to step up i just get so fed up of being the one who ends up sorting everything while he just says leave it 🙄 I’ve said loads of times he needs to deal with school but they always ring me first because i’m the one who answers the phone and i can’t just ignore it feels rude.

I have turned the wifi off before but then partner moans because he wants it on when he gets home from work and says i’m making things worse by nagging. It’s just constant rows now and i’m so tired.

He is 14 and honestly he just doesn’t care anymore like nothing works. He will stay up all night even if i turn off the internet he’ll sit there watching stuff on his phone or just stare at the ceiling. I’ve tried taking things off him but then he just goes mental and it scares the little ones.

I know i probly sound soft but i just hate all the shouting and i end up trying to keep the peace all the time. I don’t even know if i can keep living like this sometimes feels like i’m stuck in someone else’s mess

OP posts:
MalteserGeezee · 10/10/2025 17:07

You're only option is to split up with your partner and force him to shoulder the responsibility of parenting his child. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Bin them both.

Cookaburraa · 10/10/2025 17:08

Face up to your partner who is being a shit dad. The console goes. The wifi is off from 10pm-6am.

It’s that, or your SS is entirely failed by his family and ends up living with you as a gaming-addicted, unemployed loser indefinitely, or you move out. Which option would your partner prefer?

Dreamerinme · 10/10/2025 17:08

Do you share the younger DC with your DP?

You seriously need to consider separating as this won’t get better if DP can’t be bothered with his own DS and you don’t want the younger DC to start copying him either.

You also need to get your phone number taken off the school records. Tell the school exactly what’s happening at home and that they are speak to the boy’s parents only.

Remove all tech and mobile until he changes his attitude and behaviour.

There must be a reason for this behaviour and school attendance and it’s up to his parents and the school to address this - not you.