he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

@TiredButTryin5x That's great well done. If you don't understand the tabs on the school portal (not just for DS1 but for the others), post pictures of it on here/post the teachers notes, report cards, any information on behaviour from school, or anything else about all your children (I'm assuming most that the oldest 3 will all have a portol). People on here will be more than willing to explain it to you, you don't have to do it on your own. But really well done.

Great update @TiredButTryin5x well done for tackling this.

I think all of us understand how it is possible to be overwhelmed by a task (especially if it has built up) and not being able to face starting it, so you have taken important steps this weekend.

Please do post predicted or target grades here if you are happy to – there is a lot of expertise and people will be able to give you a steer as to where the PGs, if achieved, could take your DS.

Hello my DD has just completed her first year at college got distinctions and merits but has dropped out and not going back next year she’s 17 and although students are supposed to be in education till they’re 18 legally they don’t enforce it unfortunately as I tried this to stop her dropping out but she remembers my DS dropping college without any repercussions. His head wasn’t in the right place for college at that point , so he dropped out and has now matured age 20 now and regrets it so much as he’s no savings and in a dead end job but I tell him not to dwell on it as he wasn’t in the head space at the time you live and learn. Never too late tho can always go back or do an apprenticeship, my DS on the other hand has dropped out cos she wants to be a tattooist so no need for qualifications and she wouldn’t have dropped out if my ex hadn’t got her a job cleaning , she’s now got money on the mind and independence so there’s no talking her out of it even with all the replies I got from actual tattooists who all advised against dropping college as it looks better to a future employer that she follows thru . I’d definetly talk to your son about his options or get him to speak to the careers advise team at college . If did an apprenticeship instead he cld gain independence teens crave with earning money . Teens can be so difficult they’ve just got to know you’re there to support them Iv made many mistakes as a mum

thanks everyone - it’s been a lot but i’m not giving up. i’ve made a notebook now for each kid and started putting down school dates and their teacher names and stuff i didn’t know before. i also made a calendar on the wall like you all said - each kid has a colour (even baby got one lol). it’s making me feel a bit more like i can keep up. not perfect but it’s a start.

i did college application with ds1 earlier like one of you said, sat with him with a cuppa and filled it out. he didn’t say much but he did it. we printed the confirmation off and i put it in a folder like someone suggested last week. his birthday is results day so i’m gonna go with him even if he acts like he don’t want me there. it’s important. he’s got to know i’m trying.

ds2 is a bit of a live wire, loud but soft inside. he likes building stuff and makes these mad things out of cereal boxes. ds3 is more quiet and clever - loves looking at books on animals, space, stuff like that. ds4’s my whirlwind - not in school yet, but i do stories with him now before bed and he’s been drawing loads. he bit someone again at the park tho so i gotta keep on that.

i’m going to ask about early help when they go back and chase senco for ds3’s school. it’s confusing but i’ll just take notes like you said, and ask them to slow down if it’s too fast. i’m not embarrassed now to ask - it’s better than staying stuck.

dp still hasn’t come round again - don’t think he’s serious. i’m just focusing on the boys and this baby. i really appreciate the support here - it’s helping me see things clearer.

Seriously, @TiredButTryin5x - I’m on the cusp of weeping with joy for you.

And that this thread has turned into a fantastic support thread for the OP.

Mumsnet at its best.

Go you @TiredButTryin5x !!!

@TiredButTryin5x I think everyone here is incredibly proud of you as you should be of yourself. Now all you have to do is keep it up, and keep giving us regular updates. You're doing amazing.

I’ve read all of this thread and the previous one and I’m so happy to see you taking control of this situation @TiredButTryin5x, its not easy at all but you’re doing it! Every parent has made mistakes but it takes a strong person to own it and put the work in to turn it around and you should be proud of the changes you’re making. Its ok to go one step at a time, now just keep going - we’re all behind you!

I’ve had involvement from Early Help and they were excellent - it took a lot to let them help as I was really embarrassed to accept help, I felt like I should know how to be a better parent because my husband and I both have university degrees and he has a good job so on paper we should be a ‘naice’ family. I now realise that was silly and any parent can struggle, any parent can need help and there is absolutely no shame in it

I hope you’re able to access all the support you need. Maybe by posting here, learning what you need to do and making these changes you’ve started something really positive for your family that will have far reaching positive effects for all of your children and for YOU

From mum to mum, well done!!!

thank you so much - i didn’t expect this much support when i first posted and honestly it’s helped me push through the shame and confusion.

i didn’t even know you could post screenshots from the portal on here so i’ll do that tomorrow when the kids are out the house and i can concentrate. i looked at ds1’s report earlier and saw some 4s and 5s i think? but i’ll double check and post it so you lot can help explain what it actually means for college. i’ll do the same for the younger boys if theirs are on there too. think ds2’s school sends stuff home more than puts it online but i’ll check properly.

i spoke to ds1 again before bed - i didn’t push but just said i’m proud of him for finishing the application and i’m there for him on results day. he didn’t say much but he nodded. baby steps.

that story about your daughter dropping out makes me think. you’re right, teens can get so hooked on money and independence. i’m going to talk to ds1 properly soon about apprenticeships too - i think he thinks it’s just college or nothing.

and thank you to the poster who said they nearly cried for me - that honestly made me tear up too.

i’ll keep updating. i want to get it right for all of them this time. x

I'm rooting so much for you and your boys @TiredButTryin5x

4s and 5s sound great! Grades 4-9 are typically considered passing grades.

a lot of courses or apprenticeships will ask for at least 5 GCSE’s grade 4 or above - including maths and English lang. If he doesn’t not obtain a 4-9 in Eng lang or maths he would need to retake. (However if he passes Eng Lit but not Eng Lang would not have to resit.

I have seen that some courses will accept grade 3 and above for some of the non maths and Eng GCSEs.

Yes 4s and 5s will be great @TiredButTryin5x

FWIW even if he doesn't get those grades, there are college courses that will be suitable. My DS1 gained (old letter grades) 2 x C and then Ds and Es, but college were fine to take him even tho he didn’t have the specified number of grade Cs.

@TiredButTryin5x
it's a pity you started another thread!

campaign=thread&utmmedium=share Link

Ahhh I've just caught up. I'm really proud of you. Well done for trying to step up now and get stuff done.

Whilst your son is pushing back a little, honestly it's a lot less than I imagined from your first post! So that's great. Loads of parents will be there on results day so once he realises that he won't mind.

Have you managed to get him to look into what things interest him? Then you could look at more options as he will need his name down ASAP.

4s and 5s are passes so that's great. Fingers crossed for him.

On results day after he gets them, usually you go to college to enrol but I'd try and plan something for afterwards if you can
Especially if its his birthday. You can either celebrate both or if the worst happens celebrate the birthday and deal with the results afterwards. It's harder but certainly not the end of the world.

As far as I know, there's no law that says OP can't have more than one thread!

Is there a need to be SO insufferable?

She just meant Jay way posters can support and help and people aren't asking loads of questions that have already been answered here

Chill.

There isn't, obviously.

But if you read through this thread, you'll see that a lot of people were asking the OP to post her son's predicted grades, so it was a bit baffling of her to start a completely new thread with this information.

OP has received a lot of support and advice WRT her son's next steps on this thread. I just thought that starting another thread would make it more difficult for that to continue.

That makes a lot more sense than just saying it's a pity she started a new thread. Context helps

So does common sense.

You’re on the thread. How come everyone else got the context and you didn’t?
You haven’t posted a single helpful post, just hectored everyone else.
Why?

I'm not hectoring anybody. I'm sick of people judging OP

Yeah you are. You're jumping at everyone trying to look like the Best Kindest Person.

Given OPs past behaviour I think this thread has turned enormously supportive.

Chill.

Sure, it's 'turned supportive', but it was judgemental as hell earlier. Did you see the person that said OP should be sterilised?

Gosh, how to stick the knife in, well done for reminding the OP about that comment...Super helpful of you.