he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

Youre right. Loads do.

Its really important to work with kids to feel empowered about their own futures and not become life-refusers.

And if he does not pass basic gcses his options will become very limited very quickly. If he thinks he can claim benefits for himself he will be quickly disappointed but sending him to go through the motions might be a wake up call and get him on radar with youth advice services. There are alternatives to formal college like the Kings Trust which offer practical training and advice.

If this is the same OP who keeps posting the same problem, what's going on with you that you keep posting when you've already had tons of advice? You have all the info you need. Your energy would be better spend actioning it.

Child Benefit stops. Tell him that. There will be no money for Wifi and energy drinks or going out to escape the baby.

Why have so many kids if you’ve no curiosity or understanding of the path ahead for any of them?

You’re the adult!

Sorry.
However it comes down to you.
You are his PARENT.
You will do the very best that YOU know how for him until he leaves home.
You will NOT be his friend.
You will NOT fund his lifestyle if you don’t agree with it.
Harsh to hear I know. However I stood my ground with similar situations with sons. Now they are older (25) and happy in their choices in life. No further education involved. They still love me too.
Do things for YOU. He’ll grow up and move on. You matter to yourself most of all. ❤️

@TiredButTryin5x I can't remember if you said on your other threads if the Dad of the new baby is still in your life?
If he is does he have a decent relationship with your son? Could he help? Your son might respond better to a bloke to bloke conversation.

I agree with other posters. WiFi off midnight until 7am.
No pocket money, if he can make a decision to leave education, he can fund his lifestyle.
Rent starts 1st October.

The dad of her latest baby is barely in her life let alone her sons.

Oh 😕
Forget that suggestion then.
But @TiredButTryin5x contact the group I suggested up thread - Youth Unity.
Talk to your midwife about this - the affect this will be having on your mental health isn't going to be helping your pregnancy - tell her the situation and she may be able to signpost you to some help.
Even if that is Social Services.

I knew from the thread title this would be you OP.

Ask him what he plans to do long term. I don’t think he’s happy in his life at the moment so thinking long term where he wants to be will help make plans in the short term.

Is there anyone else who can speak to him and support him as it’s clear you’re struggling, someone else might be able to get through to him.

@TiredButTryin5x how old are your younger boys? Are any in the school your eldest has just left? Has term finished?
If not go into (actually GO not just phone) and ask for HELP.
Edit: even if you have no children at that school anymore if term hasn't finished then GO AND TALK TO SOMEONE.
They seem to have let your son down so they should bloody well help.

Don’t quite understand the threat of Rent starts 1st October.

What’s the OP supposed to do when that doesn’t happen? Is she really going to throw her barely 16 years old, incompletely educated son out onto the street? (Particularly when it sounds as if she’ll need his domestic help when she’s tethered to a newborn.)

Threats are never any use unless it’s clear they’ll be carried out.

@Whomanity yes the rent idea is a bit extreme but instead she should only fund basics - food, basic toiletries and basic clothes but only when clothes actually need replacing.

It sounds like the DS needs more support not less and has been left to spiral while the chaos of other kids/relationships/life has taken his mum's attention. There are lots of avenues to pursue to get help while he's still young enough and OP has plenty of threads where that help is signposted. The answer is for her to get on and do that, not to leave it up to him and then post another thread and start over, going nowhere.

This.

It's a bit late for that though.
The children exist.

The OP has no post-16 education herself. And doesn’t appear to have had much time or opportunity to develop curiosity or knowledge about life paths beyond her own.

And her ever-increasing responsibilities seem to have driven away any friends who might have provided alternative horizons for her children to look to.

I would imagine 95% of those arriving in Britain on small boats are better educated than this household.

Exactly this, OP has said before that he helps with childcare as she’s got no one else and can’t afford it. He needs support not empty threats

He can “earn” his rent though surely? In exchange for household chores etc.

I don't think you'll read any new advice that you didn't get on your previous thread from two weeks ago. Have you approached ANYONE for help?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/education/5370155-college-help-pls-nothing-sorted-for-my-son-yet

This is why the cycle repeats itself generation after generation. People growing up in household where no one works. just having child after child living off benefits.

He has no role models. He just wants to do nothing and live off the state. Why don't you start being an adult and parenting the children you have instead of popping out more and more with guys you've known for a few weeks.

I don’t want to be the OP’s official defence - but quite honestly, over the past couple of weeks of ☀️ I’ve mostly been lounging in the coolest place I can find at home, and only reluctantly venturing out - and I’m not pregnant, sleeping on the sofa and trying to manage four children in limited space, with limited money.

In those circumstances I might well resort to scrolling MN and hoping for a miracle rather than doing anything actively useful.

Nah. She's too busy shopping for the new toy baby

Not gonna help her DS though, is it? Scrolling online and hoping for a miracle is not a viable strategy in her situation. She's done plenty of that and no miracle is incoming. Quite the opposite.