he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

That's sound really good @TiredButTryin5x. When's your next midwife appointment? And how many weeks pregnant are you? Definitely take him with you on results day so then the school will help you out. Lots of staff will be there. For your younger DS, when he goes back to school, ask his HoY for a meeting about the potential SEN and behaviour issues. See about getting him on the path for diagnosis as soon as possible especially because he may need access arrangements for GCSE exams. Have you signed up to your younger sons school portal yet? Well done for following though with the gaming - now make sure he finishes the form for college this weekend. Maybe say he can have an 1 hour more Xbox time if he does, whatever will work.

You mentioned that the post 16 education landscape is new to you so does this mean that you left school at 16 too? Do you have any qualifications beyond your GCSE's? Is there anyone in your family in employment or in education? Anyone gone to university or have a professional job in your circle?

I ask because I think that if you want your kids to be successful in life you need to be a role model for them. When the new baby is older and at nursery, consider returning to college & retraining. You will be such an amazing role model for your children if you overcome your difficulties & get a job. You really need to stop having anymore children and concentrate on the ones that you have.

@ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan I'm sure you mean well, but your first two questions are answered in paragraph 2 of the opening post: "i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do."

And in a later post "i’ve never had proper support, and yes maybe i should’ve asked earlier but i didn’t know how. i don’t have family to lean on. i don’t have that safety net."

@ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan …

Tut!

Did you not even know when his results day was?

Well done OP that’s great progress, let us know how he gets on with the application today.

i’ve taken the xbox out the room. turned the wifi off last night at midnight. ds kicked off, slammed doors, but it’s done. rules are on the fridge. i told him he’s got til september to pick something - college, apprenticeship, whatever. if not, he’ll have to start payin rent or find somewhere else. i never thought i’d say that to one of my kids but maybe that’s where we are now.

Well done, OP, that's a great first step.

I think it’s safe to say OP has had her head in the sand and completely checked out of her children’s education until now.

however she is making positive steps to engage and improve the experiences of all her children and that deserves encouragement.

No one else find it weird that OPs grammar and spelling is pretty good apart from missing g's off the end of words 🤔

As I noted above, the OP has allowed ‘g’ back to the end of words.

MNHQ has said she is an established poster.

You can report if you have doubts.

If this is all an elaborate invention then at least the family being written about is not living in the somewhat trying circumstances so far described. Bit of a waste of our emotional energy - but maybe those of us posting here have plenty in reserve?

She can't just 'send' him to join the Army! He would have to agree and so would the Army (who probably don't aspire to being a rehabilitation centre for lazy kids).

Well done OP, you're doing a cracking job. Keep it up, you have to win this x

Hey @TiredButTryin5x

A few things that it strikes me you could do:

• Go to the GCSE results day with your DS and speak to whoever is there (there will be someone) who is offering advice about next steps. Even if those steps are not A levels at the school’s sixth form, there will be some support and directions advice for your DS. Take it.
• Be aware that you will most likely need to go and enrol directly at his chosen college that day as well. They will need to know his GCSE results so they can put him on the right path (retakes if needed, what level of college course). It’s fine for you to go to both of these – plenty of parents do. Be prepared to support your DS if needed.
• Since you apparently have only just logged on to the school's portal – have you now been able to access reports on your DS? I would expect so, and the most recent ones should give some ideas of expected or predicted grades for GCSE. If you share those here (obvs if you are happy to) then people could advise you about what to expect.
• So if for example his PGs are 6+ at GCSE (you have never said what he is expecting that I have seen) then he could do A levels; if they are 4/5 then that's great, hopefully no resits; if his PGs are 2-3-4 then he may need to resit Eng and maths and a lower level college course would be suitable.

Apologies if you have the above in hand, but from your previous posts I suspect you may not, and may not know it would be a good thing to do. I’m posting in what I hope is a helpful, practical way as it feels as tho this may help you the most.

On another thread the OP hazily recalled that his predicted grades might well put him in retake territory.

(Don’t want to be snotty, but posters have been discussing all your other points throughout this thread, as well (as the others).)

Ah OK I didn’t recall seeing any PGs and since the OP has just logged on to the school portal I thought it possible that she might be seeing them for the first time. But if she has already said they are not the best then that gives her and her DS a likely steer.

@TiredButTryin5x I think it might be an idea to note down some of the following as you will have four more children to go through the system.

1. Create a folder for each of your children within your email inbox and name them as DC1 Education, DC2 Education etc. You can then save emails from the school pertaining to that child's education within that folder
2. Get a calendar and write down important dates on it - parents evening, open days, results days, other. It is worth noting that GCSE results day is usually the third Thursday of August, and open days for secondary schools and post 16 provision is usually October/November. You can also put these dates in the calendar on your phone
3. Familiarise yourself with the schools's online portals and check them regularly
4. Make sure that your children know how to access the school's online portals for homework

@Whomanity sorry just read your last post properly. DW not taken as snotty at all. I am aware that PGs have been discussed (I raised it as did others on another thread from the OP) and also GCSe results day; I was trying to sum up some practical steps as I thought it might be helpful to @TiredButTryin5x who seems to have only now realised when GCSE results day is.

thank u everyone - really helpful replies. no i haven’t got anyone who can have the others on results day yet but i’m gonna ask my sister n see if she can help. school never explained any of this stuff to me about transitions or college rules so it’s mad how much i’ve learnt just from here.

he hasn’t done the form yet but i printed it so it’s in front of him now. said xbox goes off again if he don’t do it by tomorrow night so we’ll see.

i didn’t even think about the fact that him having the box room is making it easy for him to just shut off. if i was in there n he was out here with the younger ones barging in all the time maybe it would give him a push. not ideal but makes sense.

baby wise i’ll be 15 weeks monday, next midwife is mid-august. i do want to ask her about my moods cos i’ve been feeling up n down again but i’m doing better than i was a few weeks back.

and yes! i finally got onto both school portals - i didn’t even know there was one for primary. feel like a proper mum now lol.

thanks again. i’m tired but trying x

You’re doing brilliantly!!!

Well done for getting on the school portal @TiredButTryin5x. Find time to go through everything on there documents from teachers, reports and predicted grades, also ant behaviour points (good and bad) etc. Write things down from them so you remember. Also just because you've been feeling better doesn't mean you shouldn't mention moods and issues to midwife - these often go up and down and it's better to bring it up, because long-term there lots of benefits. It would ensure that postpartum you can avoid or be aware of postpartum depression or anxiety occurring. I think see about getting on some medication like antidepressants or even just getting some therapy so you have an outlet for your stress. Also you could ask the midwives about support workers from the council, they might know some resources to signpost you to or can call them. A support worker could be helpful so that you can make sure you are concentrating on your children and dealing with any issues. But well done for printing the form and all your progress as well.

school never explained any of this stuff to me about transitions or college rules so it’s mad how much i’ve learnt just from here.

There will have been a parents evening about post 16 education. You will know this for next time for your other children.

thanks everyone. yeah i left school at 16 too n no i didn’t go back after that. i got gcse’s but nothing after. no one in my family’s been to uni or done anything proper career-wise really. my mum worked in a canteen n my older sister does cleaning like me. i’ve thought about goin back to college one day – maybe when baby’s in nursery. dunno what i’d do exactly but something where i could help people maybe.

did i know when results day was? no i didn’t. i know that’ll sound bad to some of u but i didn’t. i didn’t know i was meant to apply to college either til this month. no one told me. just assumed school would sort it.

i’ve taken the xbox out the room again tonight cos he’s still not done the form. wifi goes off midnight. he’s not happy but he knows the rules now. it’s on the fridge. and yes – i’ve thought about switching the rooms. me and ds4 could take the box room and he’d be out in the living room sharing space. might push him a bit more. not ideal but maybe it’s needed.

as for the portal, i’ve started going through it bit by bit. there’s a lot. i’ll try write down grades etc tomorrow and maybe post them here for advice if that’s ok. i didn’t realise how much stuff was in there – like proper teacher notes, points for behaviour etc. i’ve also now got a calendar on my phone where i’ve started adding school stuff, midwife appts and results day etc so i don’t lose track again. trying to do better this time. i know i’ve made a mess of things before but i’m not hiding now.

and i will talk to the midwife at the next appointment about moods. even just saying it out loud to someone helps i think.

thanks for sticking with me even when i’ve not always been on top of things x

Keep going @TiredButTryin5x !!

Well done so far. There is lots of organisation needed to keep on top of children's education and know what's going on so the ideas below for folders on the computer are good.

Please don’t swap bedrooms, it’s not fair to have a 15/16 year old with no private space and a living room for a bedroom.