results day n birthday on same day… how do i make it ok if it’s bad news

[TiredButTryin5x]

feel sick thinking bout it tbh.
ds1’s results day is also his birthday (21 aug) n it’s meant to be a big one – 16 n all that.

but what if he fails?? he thinks he’s got 4s n 5s but idk what that even means. i only just learnt how to log into the portal cos ppl on here helped me. 🙈

he’s not been great lately. not sleeping right. xbox all night. won’t eat dinner with us. proper withdrawn. i ask if he’s ok n he shrugs or says “i’m fine” but it don’t feel fine.

he’s meant to start college but he keeps saying “if i even get in.”

i wanna make the day special but we’re skint n i’m scared if results go bad he’ll shut down fully. no dad. no money. no idea how to help.

has anyone been through this? how do u make it ok if it’s not ok?

i don’t want him to feel like a failure. he’s not. he’s really not. 😢

any advice would help 💙

I got my A Level results on my 18th birthday, and one if them wasn't what I'd needed for my first choice uni.

I spent the morning phoning in a panic, finally got told I was fine - my audition had swung the balance. My second choice then plagued me for three weeks to go there. The morning was awful, the afternoon was immense!

I now work in education. My best advice would be make plans for fun later in the day. If he doesn't get the grades go to/call the college at 9am. The colleges I work for, the staff are in for enrolment that day. Whatever his results are, they'll find him a place/course. If he doesn't get the grades it may not be exactly what he wanted, but his first year he can focus on getting what he needs, a d then go onto his first choice programme the following year.

Whatever happens, the sooner he knows the plan for September, the sooner he'll start enjoying his birthday. I did!

Fingers crossed he get what he's hoping for.

@TiredButTryin5x Can you post all of his predicted grades from the portal? Also are his mock/PPE grades on there - from when he would have done practice exams in Y11? Then we have a better feel for how he will do. I think you need to try and not let him withdraw, if your all eating dinner make him join, I know you've been taking his Xbox from him (make sure your consistent on it), turn the WiFi off earlier so he can at least try to sleep.

Male sure you tell him that as long as he's worker hard and tried his best, that's all he can do. Being their on the day will help and then organise something in the evening which is unrelated to results, a nice dinner or presents. So that the morning can be amount results and then the rest of the day about his birthday. Also make sure you check the colleges he's applied to (they'll send you information through emails and check their website) - they will likely want him to go to the school from 11-1 pm (anytime between that) because they'll need to see his results and decide whether to give him a place. Also make sure you send the form to the colleges as soon as possible, as in before results day (scan it to your computer and email it to the colleges). Also make sure he doesn't just apply for one college, get him to look at apprenticeships and other local colleges so he has as many options as possible on the day. Also make sure you talk to his teachers at his school for advice, if your not sure on something, because they'll be loads of teachers there, so get there around 9 and let them help you.

thank u so much for this 💙

honestly i proper needed to hear it can still turn out ok even if it don’t start good. sounds like u had a right rollercoaster but it worked out in the end - that gives me hope.

i didn’t even think of making fun plans later on. was too stuck on the morning being all doom n stress. but maybe i could try take him n the others for a nandos or something cheap if we can swing it.

i’ll defo call the college if we have to. i didn’t realise they’d be there ready to help - that actually makes it less scary.

he’s a good boy really, just lost right now. think knowing there’s still a way forward would help him loads.

thanks again - means a lot that u replied x

What does he need for college? How likely is he to get in?

DDs birthday is earlier in August so we missed your scenario but, she still got to go to her first choice uni despite not quite getting her offer grades. She actually got the email welcoming her to XX University at 8am before she even collected her results 😂.

I’m sure he’ll be fine & it’ll be a double celebration but there’s always some positive to be found. If he doesn’t get the course he wants, maybe that just wasn’t meant to be & there’s a better college course for him? With DS1, college offered him a course based on his results - he is autistic & got a distinction in art, good grades in humanities but failed English & maths. Colleges are pretty good at working with you to find a solution in my experience.

i will try post the grades soon - still working out how to screenshot it proper on this laptop lol 😅

his mocks were done but he didn’t really revise much, just kinda went in n did what he could. i think most were 4s, a couple 5s, one 3 maybe? but i’ll double check it all.

i’ve started making him come to dinner again - last 2 nights he’s sat with us but didn’t eat much. n yeah i’ve taken the xbox a few times, just scared if i push too hard he’ll shut me out. trying to be gentle but firm, if that makes sense.

i’ve told him loads that i’m proud no matter what. he’s scared tho. keeps saying “what if they laugh at me” which breaks me tbh 😢

i didn’t know the colleges want them in 11-1 - thank u for that! i’ll check his emails (he don’t look at them) n try to scan the form tomorrow from the library. we only did new city but maybe i should look at others too in case?

i’ll try talk to his teachers on results day - i usually avoid stuff like that cos i feel dumb but i’ll try for him.

thank u loads for all the info - this is exactly what i needed 💙💙

OP it would have made sense to have put this on your other thread!!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/5378023-he-says-hes-not-doin-college-now-help

Collect them and open them the day after.

sorry for double posting - my head’s just everywhere right now so i didn’t even think 😔 just panicked seeing the date getting close n needed to get it out

that’s amazing about ur dd getting into uni before even seeing results - what a relief that must’ve been! n big well done to ur ds1 too - sounds like he’s doing brill despite the bumps

i do hope there’s something like that for ds. he’s not great at maths either n english is hit n miss. he’s got no idea what he wants long term but he liked the sound of that sports course at new city

i didn’t know they might offer other courses based on results - that actually helps calm me a bit. he’s a smart lad deep down, just struggles with focus n motivation

i think i’ll still let him open them on the day - he’d hate waiting - but maybe we can plan something chilled later to take the pressure off

thanks again - all this means a lot 💙

you said you don’t know what the numbers mean…. In simple summery if he gets 4 -9 in Maths and English that great, and any more at 4-9 is even better.

all your local colleges or sixth forms will have staff available on results day to help students find places if they for whatever reason don’t get the grades for the course hey applied for.

i will say that hopefully the stress he’s caused himself is now a good lesson in revising hard and working hard to achieve good results. They don’t just land in (most) peoples laps and perhaps he’s realising that if he doesn’t pass, it may delay his progress as he will have to sit it again in his next college/apprenticeship.

you sound like a lovely mum

Bad idea.

thank u for explaining it that way - i’ve been too scared to ask teachers in case they think i’m thick, but i just never learnt all this when i was in school

so if he gets 4s in maths n english that’s a pass right? that actually sounds doable now i think about it. he’s not aiming high, just wants to get through

i hope ur right n that some of this panic makes him see the value of working at it. i’ve said that to him - like “ur smart but u can’t just wing it forever” - but he just grunts 😂

thanks for saying that too. i feel like i mess it up a lot but i’m really trying with them.

i’ll make sure we speak to the college either way - i’m gonna get there early n just ask what his options are

thanks again for taking time to reply - means more than u know 💙

Hey @TiredButTryin5x as others say, 4 and above is regarded as a pass (tho 3 and below is still a GCSE pass) – the point being a 4 in maths and English is ideal as otherwise DS will have to retake those at college.

If his PGs are 4s and 5s that's great. Hopefully he will have done enough work and shown what he knows in the exams to achieve those PGs.

Definitely open results on the morning as you will ideally need to go to college to confirm his place there, with the grades so you can be sure he is on the right level of course.

But you could do something nice for his birthday later in the day – picking up results and enrolment will only take a few hours at most.

You are doing so well @TiredButTryin5x in far from ideal circumstances.

3 is not a pass - it's equivalent to am old D but not considered a pass for any subject. 4 is a low C and the minimum to pass a subject, obviously you don't have to retake if you get a 3 in history but it is still regarded as a fail as is a grade 2, grade 1 and U. However if you are 1 or 2 marks away from a 4 then you should ask the school about a remark @TiredButTryin5x, and then the exam board will remark his papers. Only do this if the teachers genuinely belive there are marks available for him though, they can request to see the paper and then look through it. Also the school will likely have the grade boundaries but check the against DS's marks and they will differ by subject. For example English Literature (both papers) is total 160, and then there will be a certain number of marks for a 4,5,6 etc. Look before results day at the college grades requirements, they may want 5 minimum GCSEs at Grade 5 and they may want specific grades for a subject e.g a 6 in Geography. He will 100% need a 4 in Maths and English Language though. So if you write them down and bring them with you on results it will be less stressful. Good luck, just be there for him and I'm sure he'll know you care.

Btw grade breakdown is something like anything above a grade 4 is a pass which going by his mock grade he should more than likely get: Grade 4 - low C, Grade 5 - high C, Grade 6 - B, Grade 7 - A, Grade 8 - A and Grade 9 is an A (but a higher percentage of A*, so less people get it).

Oh now this pisses me off. Grades 1, 2 and 3 ARE passes - they’re passes at Level 1, grades 4-9 are level 2 passes. A grade U is the only grade which is a fail.

College should be happy to let him switch course if his results aren’t quite enough for the course he’s applied for. Lots of kids take an extra year at college, they’re usually very flexible.

If you have a look at the info from school and college, there’s probably something about ‘what to do on results day if don’t get the grades’.

If not, get in touch with them now and ask, then you’ll be prepared.

They are still considered as fails and generally will be seen by 6th forms and colleges as a fail. They in my experience do not count it as a pass so if they want you to have 5 GCSEs, I have known many colleges to not accept a GCSE which is a 3 or lower. Just like in Y11 schools will consider a 3 a fail in mocks and the real thing. The whole point of GCSEs is to get a Level 2 qualification, a Level 1 (as in Funcitonal Skills a very basic level of knowledge and most people could pass them by KS3 - which shows a massive lack of progress by KS4 if you if you can't get at least a 4 which isn't very hard at all. Getting a 3 or below is unlikely to get you anywhere (because it's even lower than a GCSE so yes defeats the point of GCSEs) including college or apprenticeships and definitely not 6th form. Even Level 2 and 3 qualifications are not enough for many further paths. They're will not be many courses applicable for students with grade 2 and 3a (depending on how many 4s and 5s they have) because they will likely struggle significantly.

Wow @TheLivelyViper which shows a massive lack of progress by KS4 if you if you can't get at least a 4 which isn't very hard at all

Plenty of YP find it very hard to geta grade C in Eng lit. Impossible in fact. Still grades 1-2-3 are GCSE passes – as @titchy says just at a lower level, which is what I meant. You do know don’t you that every year a certain % of students will not gain a grade 4 in some or indeed any subjects?

Yes ideally students will achieve grade 4 and above in as many GCSEs as possible – and if they don't achieve that in Eng and maths then they retake. But lower grades still have value. Only a U is actually a fail.

Colleges may ask for 5 x grade 4s but if a student has lower grades they often will find a course for them. Yes, a student with grades 2 and 3 is not an A level candidate – but then neither is a student with 6 grade 4 and 5s. There are plenty of paths they can take though.

They are a pass at level 1 but students undertaking GCSE’s are attempting to attain a level 2 qualification at a pass and so this is why grade 9-4 or A*-C in old money is considered a pass at GCSE because it means you don’t need to redo Maths and English if you get 4 or above

There's a reason why the DfE and league tables look at how many students get a grade 9-4 and 9-5 - those are the marks of success because they are Level 2 passes. That's why one of the metrics of judging a school's success is looking at how many students get 9-4 and even better 9-5, schools that get more schools students this are regarded as better. Obviously it's not the only mark of success but it's a key one. Just like at A-level Grade D, E are technically passes but nobody considered them as such (employers, teachers, universities) don't see Grade D or E or F as a pass, because they are so low. It's the same with any Grade lower than a 4 (employers, schools, general public, universities when they ask for GCSEs) consider them fails because it means you cannot reach the expected basic level of the qualification.

And having done the most current GCSEs @clary (of 9-4) yes they it's hard to get 9s and 8s and 7s and 6s, but to he frank, the level of knowledge and skill you need to know to get a 4 is very basic and no not very difficult is why most children can get it in Y9. Yes the nature of exams is that some students every year will get Grade 3s, 2s, 1s and U's (some those students start 'revising' the week before, many of them don't do any homework for 2 years. Some of them try really hard which I acknowledge - many of them are failed by the school system, lack of SEND support, being young carers or not having good support if they're in care - and that does need to be acknowledged and there needs to be much more support for them. But some of them genuinely don't bother for 2 years and most of the time they recognise that on results day, retake the year after and most of the time do much better (and that's okay, they learn just by that experience and sometimes it takes people longer to do things). But if they get that across many subjects it's better they retake a few and focus on learning that content as it will likely make most college courses quite difficult.

I think we are all aware that the aim is to get grade 4 or above at GCSE.

But it makes me annoyed to see someone saying it’s not hard to get a grade 4 - for some students it is!

Some students will achieve grade 2 and 3 and the odd 4 - and that will be a big achievement for them.

You’re not right about A levels fwiw @TheLivelyViper - grades D and E are accepted by universities, obviously not the highest-rated unis but a student can still access uni or other settings with those grades. I know a YP who is carving out a successful career as an officer in the armed forces with DDE at A level. There is no grade F btw.

There are not many courses even at non RG universities that accept D's and E's. Only if they have very little spaces filled and are desperate even then some of the lowest offers are only CCC, there are also very little apprenticeships post-18 (Level 6 and degree apprenticeships) that would accept that and very little corporate/professional careers, unless maybe it's in one subject and there's extremely extenuating circumstances. Even contextual offers tend to not have any D's or E's. Again you can think want you want but why else are many students disappointed when they get D's and E's in the real thing or the mocks (and teachers give them a real kick up the bum verbally), employers obviously do look down on such grades and see them as essentially failing because the grades are so low even if its 'technically a pass', as do universities and the general public. The same for GCSEs, and like I said some students will have be failed in getting the support to reach their abilities and get a minimum 4 - which I said needs to be addressed and also like I said its okay if takes them longer to get 4s. Some students just don't bother and it teaches them a useful lesson about hard work and revision.

I’ve just read properly @TheLivelyViper and I see that you took your GCSEs under the current spec – so you are at most 23yo. Pretty young which excuses your lack of empathy. You clearly found the exams accessible, perhaps easy; but you should realise that a grade 4 is quite quite out of reach for some YP – and no it’s not bc they didn’t revise in year 11. Gaining a 4 in Eng lang or maths is beyond their ability. I was a secondary teacher for many years and have seen a significant number of students for whom that was true. This is IMHO an argument for a greater range of qualifications to be offered in schools.

You’re wrong about unis too. My DD went to a well-regarded uni through clearing with grades of BCC; the following year her course was in clearing at CDD.

I just randomly searched up English BA at Nottingham Trent, a pretty respected lower-tier uni, and it’s on offer through clearing for CDD; or you could do accounting and finance at Sheffield Hallam with DDD. So clearly plenty of uni spaces are available to students gaining lower A level grades. Maybe they are not ideal uni candidates if that is a representation of their ability level; but that’s another discussion.