15yo just stays in bed all day since GCSEs - is this normal??

[TiredButTryin5x]

my oldest finished school in june n he’s done nothin but lay in bed on his phone since 😩 he’s 15, turnin 16 in aug. i don’t wanna nag him but he’s sleepin in past midday every day then stayin up all night watchin tiktoks or playin xbox

i’ve tried sayin get some fresh air or go see ur mates but he just shrugs or says “later”. i work part time n rely on him for babysittin sometimes (got 4 boys n pregnant again) but i don’t want that to be his whole summer either. feel like he’s just driftin

is this just how teens are after GCSEs?? i don’t remember bein this lazy but maybe i was 🙈 he’s not rude, just shuts down a lot. i don’t wanna push him but i don’t want him losin all motivation either

any advice?? do i push him to get a job or just let him chill for a bit?? xx

This why at the end of year 11 you need a plan,.,.. you cannot enable this. From tomorrow create a plan and engage with local colleges to get him a place in Sept.... your head of year 11 should already have done this

@TiredButTryin5x if you thought it was too late to apply for college places what did you think your son would be doing come September? He’s fifteen - he has to be in education or training. I’m sure you know this - but unless a child is at a school with a sixth form it doesn’t just happen.

You don’t have to answer, at all, but you didn’t respond to my question regarding how your son thinks he’s done in his GCSEs.

Do the school do this? My DCs aren’t at the stage yet but it’s interesting to know that there is an expectation that their school will support them onto the next stage beyond holding careers events and taking them on trips to colleges. Their school does not have a 6th form

Ours hasn’t done anything. Dont think they’ve even checked what my child is doing next year. They know he isn’t signed up for 6th form and I guess maybe they help the ones who want to stay on but nothing at all to help my child or make sure he has something in place. Think it’s really bad really.

This post makes me so sad. I'm going to hazard a guess that most posters on Mumsnet are, well, mums. Aren't we supposed to build each other up and help each other? So many mums are tearing this overwhelmed woman down. So many people are judging her and making assumptions. She's come to ask for help, and instead, this post has had so many people comment on her parenting, the number of children she has, and asking about the dad, even correcting her spelling. She asked a simple question in a straightforward way, and whilst ultimately the answer is simple (shut off the wifi, OP!) people have piled in.

I wish I lived near Romford, because I'd offer to help your son, @TiredButTryin5x . In fact, screw it, if he wants someone to help, message me directly and I'll jump on a zoom and help him.

Hear hear @LemonTraybake
My sentiments exactly.
@TiredButTryin5xand her son need support, not people judging them.

Big hug to you both x

@LemonTraybake@Willow12345Its all very well and good to say we should be building each other up and ‘be kind’ and to just answer the question the OP asked (is it normal for teens to just want to stay in bed) but when it transpires that this child has not been given any guidance beyond GCSEs and has no plan for September onwards and a mother who has admitted that she has not engaged with any of it because it ‘went over her head’ then you’re entering into the area of neglect. Sometimes people need a talking to understand the severity of a situation. If this child is already staying in bed all day with no direction, what will he be like in a year, 2 years, 3 years time without a parent building HIM up and taking even the least bit of interest in his future?

Thankfully OP seems to be taking the feedback onboard and will start parenting this child.

Not every situation benefits from the ‘just be kind’ approach.

Standard op. My DS is going out a bit with mates but a lot of lazing around. I don’t mind too much. They have had a tough year and have another one coming. He has applied for jobs but nothing yet

OP his current school should have provided info about the local options. I would be minded to contact them, they will still be there. Most had deadlines Jan or Feb but I’m sure there are places out there. Start looking at colleges, courses and contacting places. Good luck

Does he have any interests or hobbies? Can he join a sport or volunteer?

i get what ur all sayin n im not makin excuses. i know i’ve got to do better by ds, specially now he’s finished school n needs a path forward. truth is i didn’t really know how the whole post-16 stuff worked, his school didn’t tell me much or maybe i just didn’t take it in properly. i thought he’d have more time or that someone would help us sort it. but that’s on me.

i asked him how he thinks he did in his exams and he just shrugged. he don’t say much, but i think he’s worried he’s failed. i told him no matter what the results say, we’ll still get a plan sorted and he won’t be left with nothin. looked at new city college earlier and printed a few courses. we’re gonna go through them together tonight after tea.

i never meant for him to feel like the second adult in the house. i’ve leaned on him too much sometimes n i hate that. gonna stop that now n get some proper support.

i do want the best for all my boys. even if it looks like a mess from the outside, i love them more than anything n i’m tryin x

The question asked is rarely the real question, @LemonTraybake. (Even on Style & Beauty I need a dress! often means I haven’t been out for 17 years because I have a child and every possible thing is wrong with my body and my husband goes away on long jaunts with his mates and now my oldest friend is coming to my town and insists on taking me out to lunch and I’m a size 26 and I cannot possibly spend more than £30 including shoes because I have to account for every penny to him. But he’s a great dad!

The OP’s son lying in bed all day is partly because he’s 15, but it’s blatantly obvious that he needs a future to get up for. Only the OP can get him there - and it’s pretty urgent. I imagine some posters are expressing frustration because we’re all at one remove from her and it’s difficult to wave a magic wand from here.

It’s good that you’ve made a start, @TiredButTryin5x.I wonder if your son hasn’t spoken to you about what’s been happening at school because he felt you already had a lot going on? If you can, reassure him that he is a priority and you really do want to know what’s going on.

https://www.gov.uk/apply-apprenticeship Might be worth looking at anything in your area

My dd has got a bucket list as long as my arm of things to do this summer and laying in bed all day isn't on it. Long may that last.

If it doesn’t at some point, maybe you could sound a little less smug

OP.. even if he has terrible GCSE results, there should still be level 1 apprenticeships he can get onto and hd will redo English and Maths if necessary. Well done for cracking on with things. He is way too young not to be steered and guided for his future and shown options and pathways which don't include staying in bed all day. Best of luck with finding something and remember it doesn't have to a big life plan decision as young people do many things before finally settling on a first career/job which sticks.

A bucket list?! Is she terminally ill? Apologies if so but that is extremely weird for a teen.

I think bucket list has evolved to mean something different from just, a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket!

It’s like a list of must-dos for the summer holidays. But I think you know that, and you’re just being facetious.

No it's not that deep - but l think you know that. Thanks for calling her weird though!

Maybe. Time will tell.
I stayed in bed til lunchtime every day when l was a teen so no judgement here!

A bucket list is a list of things you want to do when you receive a terminal diagnosis before you run out of time. Maybe put her straight if she is going round using that term people might get the wrong idea she probably doesn’t realise.

I am rather surprised at the number of people who seem to think this is normal? Neither my DS or his friends are like this. He’s meeting up with friends, hobbies, reading. He’s up by 7am every morning with something in mind for the day.

I think it’s only you that’s getting confused by the phrase. People use bucket list to mean a list of things they want to do before they die. You don’t have to be imminently dying to use the phrase.

But that is his normal and likely his friends share it because they are his friends.
My DD is the same but DS very much won’t be because people are different.

the concerns here though are no plans for sixth form and the amount he is expected to do to support the family and the fact he is avoiding it all rather than just being lazy!

I agree.