15yo just stays in bed all day since GCSEs - is this normal??

[TiredButTryin5x]

my oldest finished school in june n he’s done nothin but lay in bed on his phone since 😩 he’s 15, turnin 16 in aug. i don’t wanna nag him but he’s sleepin in past midday every day then stayin up all night watchin tiktoks or playin xbox

i’ve tried sayin get some fresh air or go see ur mates but he just shrugs or says “later”. i work part time n rely on him for babysittin sometimes (got 4 boys n pregnant again) but i don’t want that to be his whole summer either. feel like he’s just driftin

is this just how teens are after GCSEs?? i don’t remember bein this lazy but maybe i was 🙈 he’s not rude, just shuts down a lot. i don’t wanna push him but i don’t want him losin all motivation either

any advice?? do i push him to get a job or just let him chill for a bit?? xx

Blimey. My DS was working in the summer of GCSEs. I know we live in a tourist area but I thought it was the norm! Took his CV in by hand and got both his summer jobs because he met the owner and started the conversation from there. He doesn't think they used the CV!

OK they were relatively poorly paid roles but he learned so much and got on really well with the employers.

He did play games a lot when he wasnt working but the job gave him a reason to get up on the days he was rostered in. In the end he worked full time during the six weeks.

@Navigatinglife100 remember the OP’s son is still 15 - won’t be 16 until August I think she said. It must be harder for him to get jobs. (Not certain I’d want to be sending a 15 year old out to work anyway …)

Usually college/ sixth form courses are sorted by now, all ready for September. Most colleges will have had open days/ evenings and places will have been offered. There’s still time though. Get in touch with your local college and see what courses are available in line with his interests? If he needs a bus to get to college, that will need to be sorted too.

My DS did a paper round from 12-16. Then got a job as a pot wash. It takes effort, motivation and guidance.

Don’t allow him to be NEET ( not in education, employment or training).

If he’s interested in apprenticeship, they are usually advertised on the Gov website ( just put in your postcode).

He should be paid for any babysitting duties, but remember he is a child himself and needs steering in the right direction ( yep teens are hard going at times!)

Good luck.

I have one who is young in the year too. Its hard for them. You need to help him look through options and choose something. I don't understand how he's been left with nothing for September.

Has he applied at all because all places for colleges and sixth forms should be pending/conditionally offered right now. You can’t simply apply in September

it is normal not to 100% know - Dd is the same age and her friends are a mix of being certain, choosing between offers, waiting to see what results day brings to see whether make course A or course B or still finalising A level/BTEC choices but within the confines of having a place sorted

All of them have offers though and everyone applied for something. It is a total mix of staying at current school (they are st a mix) moving sixth form going to college or doing an apprenticeship

but I agree you have been far too passive, I have been fairly strict amongst my peers in that DD did the applications herself but we went to Open Evenings and she has been to inductions. Her one on Thursday is pretty late actually most other places locally have been done

you need to get the ball rolling now to see what is around

The OP hasn’t said whether she or another supporting adult has attended anything with her son - so it’s not clear whether he himself went to any sixth form / career meetings at school. 15 is obviously much too young to be left to your own devices. That level of uncertainty would drive me to hide in bed too.

So rude, and totally unnecessary. A parent is asking for help with their teen and you are correcting their spelling. Shame on you.

It's time he got a proactive about his future and stopped lazing about as it will become a habit and he may join the ranks of young people saying they have anxiety and depression. He needs to get on the find an apprenticeship website as well as making himself useful around the house or finding some work. He definitely shouldn't be gaming all day and laying in bed. You also need to ensure that your using him as free childcare doesn't stop him moving forward in life.

What’s going on, @TiredButTryin5x?

Is your son telling the truth about not having anywhere arranged for September?

Have the two of you disagreed about what he should be pursuing?

Would he have had sufficient money to travel to any more distant colleges for open days or whatever?

How much have you talked together about the next stage in the past few months?

Has he said how he thinks his GCSEs went?

I think you should switch the wifi off at night time to, at the very least so he gets decent sleep, he should be responsible for somethings in the house

Sometimes I wish mobile phones snd internet wasn’t invented. It has made our life easy but it also consumes so much of it in particular children.

For God’s sake OP. Sorry, but you can’t afford any childcare yet you’re having another child? Is it going to be your teenage son’s responsibility to raise that one too?

Your son is a child. You are a grown adult, yet seem to be more passive about and have less control over your life than he does over his. The irony and hypocrisy of this thread is something else. You’re complaining about him doing nothing with his life when you seem to have no control over your own.

You need to work something else out for childcare. This isn’t fair on him. He didn’t choose for you to have this many children. It is NOT his responsibility, he is not a parent.

It does sound fairly normal. I would start leaving him a list of chores to do, no chores = no pocket money. Doesn’t matter what time of day he does them (as long as not when everyone is in bed) but as long as he does something.
I agree he could look for a summer job too, but appreciate that might be difficult if he is not 16
yet, but he should definitely look.

Are there any other adults in your son’s life, who could offer guidance/ support/ ideas for September? It will come round sooner than you think.

This

Poor lad is probably dreading a whole summer of looking after his 10yo brother , 4 yo brother , whatever aged the next one is and you;ll be knackered as you're pregnant again.

That's a lot of responsibility that He did not ask for

What is your partner bringing to the table ?

hi all soz for not replying last night, had a bit of a wobble 😞 just feel like there’s so much goin on at once n i can’t get my head straight.

i know i need to step up more with ds1’s options, i didn’t mean to sound passive it’s just hard when everything’s on top of me. i didn’t go to college myself so i don’t even know what to look for or where to start. i didn’t realise it was all meant to be sorted already 🥺 his school did say stuff but it all went over my head a bit tbh.

he’s said he might like to do somethin with tech or games but that’s as far as it’s got. i’ll try n sit with him this week n look up places. if anyone knows any colleges near romford that are good for that stuff pls let me know xx

he does help a fair bit with the boys but i try not to pile it on him – just when i’ve got no one else really. i know it’s not fair on him all the time 😔

as for the baby – he hasn’t said much. i think he’s just numb to it. i am too sometimes. feels like the world just carries on n i’m stuck.

thanks again for all the advice. even the tough ones. it helps x

its great that you’re taking this all on board op. I would absolutely be prioritising helping him with his forms at the moment. I have just two children and only work part time, with help from a co-parent, and it’s already tough keeping on top of everything; so I imagine having 5 kids and no help must be beyond tough. I’m sure this goes without saying, and my apologies for being patronising, but you just cannot afford time wise to get pregnant again, ever, after this next one.

New City College seems to have lots of campuses and is still taking applications and does seem to have courses I would contact them straight away

Op...if you google colleges near Romford or sixth form colleges near Romford you'll be able to see where there is near you. All the colleges will have a website..and if you just search through the courses they have. Sit down with your ds and get him to make a shortlist of which ones he likes the look of and which course he likes the look of. Check bus routes perhaps to make sure he'll be able to get there. The websites are usually very easy to apply through... we're not in your area but near us, the colleges just had a link you could click to apply and just fill in the details and email address etc and they got in contact with us. Also once the GCSE results were out, our local council had a kind of open day where teens who didn't have a place anywhere could get some help and advice. We didn't need to use it ourselves but I thought it was a good idea for those who weren't sorted out yet. Don't know if your local area has anything like that though. It is a bit daunting at first but honestly it's not as scary as it seems and it is really important you get this sorted out. Good luck.

@TiredButTryin5x - I’m certain you must know one person, a friend, or a relative, who is on top of all this and who would be willing to spend an hour going through everything with you and your son? And then perhaps accompany him, and you, to any meetings or open days he needs to arrange? Please try to find someone.

It might also be helpful for you both to look up the areas he’s interested in on the National Careers Service website. They have a database of jobs to refer to - showing the academic or training routes required to get into them. They also offer a person to person service, I think by phone - which might be very informative.

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

This is a really sad thread. Yes, it’s normal for teenagers to want to stay in bed, but it’s not at all healthy and you should be getting him up and doing things by a certain time.

Im far more concerned that you depend on him for childcare of 3 children, soon to be 4, on a regular basis. You shouldn’t be relying on him for this and if you can’t afford childcare, you shouldn’t be having anymore children.

Also concerning that you seem to have taken no interest in this boys future prospects, saying you didn’t know he should have options sorted by now because it went over your head. You’re the parent, you’re supposed to do whatever you need to do to make sure you understand his options and be able to encourage him in the right direction. Again, if you can’t do this for your children, you shouldn’t be having more.

As a parent, you really need to pull your finger out here or you’re going to seriously mess up his future prospects.

thanks again everyone x

i get what some of u are sayin, even if it’s hard to read. i do need to step up for ds now before it’s too late. i’ve looked up new city college and it does look good – they got stuff with IT n games so i’ll show him that later when he’s up. i didn’t know u could still apply so thank u ❤️

i honestly don’t mean to rely on him too much, he’s not babysittin every day or nothin like that. but yeah sometimes i’ve had to ask cos i’ve got no one else, no family that helps, his dad’s useless. i don’t think he minds helpin here n there but i know it’s not fair long term 😞

i’ve got midwife this week and scan soon so it’s all feelin a bit full on. but i will try n call that college later and maybe even that careers website, thanks for the link. just gonna take it one thing at a time today.

appreciate the help x

Parenting isn’t just having baby after baby - you are supposed to actually take parent so you turn out decent productive useful positive members of society. I don’t understand the drive to have more and more babies but not to have any future plan for them when they inevitably age. What’s the point?

Baby and childhood is a relatively short stage of life they to be supported to find focus and to be self supporting. Or you will end up with (5?!) young men sitting in their rooms on their phones presumably supported by the rest of us.

This is what I’m thinking too. Mine has just done GCSE’s too but there’s not a lot going on. He would happily go out with his friends but no one wants to. The sport he was doing has now finished, they’ve all quit the gym and mine doesn’t want to go alone. Looking for a job but there’s not a lot out there. He hasn’t actually got much to do.

Why on earth did you allow yourself to get pregnant again when you cant even look after the kids you have.

So your son has to babysit and look after his siblings, doesnt get paid, doesnt get any support with applying to college and is now going to be asked to go the shops, help with dinner ideas etc. He's your child, not your partner and start treating him as such.

This why at the end of year 11 you need a plan,.,.. you cannot enable this. From tomorrow create a plan and engage with local colleges to get him a place in Sept.... your head of year 11 should already have done this