15yo just stays in bed all day since GCSEs - is this normal??

[TiredButTryin5x]

my oldest finished school in june n he’s done nothin but lay in bed on his phone since 😩 he’s 15, turnin 16 in aug. i don’t wanna nag him but he’s sleepin in past midday every day then stayin up all night watchin tiktoks or playin xbox

i’ve tried sayin get some fresh air or go see ur mates but he just shrugs or says “later”. i work part time n rely on him for babysittin sometimes (got 4 boys n pregnant again) but i don’t want that to be his whole summer either. feel like he’s just driftin

is this just how teens are after GCSEs?? i don’t remember bein this lazy but maybe i was 🙈 he’s not rude, just shuts down a lot. i don’t wanna push him but i don’t want him losin all motivation either

any advice?? do i push him to get a job or just let him chill for a bit?? xx

Yes, but make it five kids.

How did you do this? Dd is good during school times, but up way too late for my liking during the holidays. She has a cheap sim with unlimited data too so turning off wifi won’t make a difference

Sounds like all your kids are screen addicted - I guess that is the norm -
the prolonged bed rotting isn’t though,
unless you are depressed, socially isolated, self neglecting, etc …
you may wanna try and resolve that ?
some teens will resolve this themselves and get motivated, but if yours is showing signs of getting stuck in the unhealthy rut, then time to activate the parenting mode !

I have the same problem with my teenager OP. I asked him if he has any plans and he replied ‘no’, so I said he needs to make some or I will find him rocking in the corner of his bedroom after 6 weeks (or more). But because he seems perfectly happy to keep going like this, he refuses to consider alternatives. I understand the need to decompress after trying super hard during his GCSE, but it is going to be unhealthy to prolong this.

We are going to have to be more pushy.

I actually find this terrifying- not op in particular but generally. Teens and young people just addicted to these phones. What’s the point of producing all these humans who then just in turn become phone addicts? And the numbers of people saying “normal” wtf? Read recently that the global decrease in population could be due to smart phones. People cba to interact and live. A family member who is a gp said this has reached epidemic proportions particularly young men just online all the time. Parents tearing their hair out.

Dd2 just done her GCSE’s too she has been to numerous parties / river and lake swimming with her friends / hung out at friends pool/ done the pieces of work required for 6th form

Wow. Times have really changed. I wouldn’t class what the OP has described as making the most of any period of a person’s life. Certainly not their childhood and teenage years. I find this desperately sad.

At the same age we were out constantly on bikes, calling in for each other, earning as much money as we could to pay for gig tickets, off swimming together or into town to just hang out with each other and muck about. We’d go to the cinema, go for burgers and ice cream. Going online meant paying in 15 minute increments to log on at an internet cafe. I remember working jobs where half the money went on gig tickets and the other half was put aside for spending money for a holiday when I was 18 to America. My parents paid but whatever I earned from 15 and saved was mine to spend.

We had an absolute blast. Summers were truly lived. I’m saddened that so many responses on this thread view the OP’s situation as normal and just par for the course nowadays. It’s bloody awful.

It’s crazy isn’t it ?
the passive / acceptance of a teen bedrotting day after day on a screen ….

and the teen in the OP has no plans to go to college / work … so just endless days like this ..

increasing numbers of young adults who ‘fail to launch’ into adult life tread this risky path, and then parents say ‘it’s disgusting - there is no support for them !! ‘

Not only passive acceptance or even begrudgingly giving up on them- posters on this thread saying it’s normal, completely fine, let them “be kids”

I can’t understand it.

He sounds like a normal teenager to me! Your entire educational career so far has now culminated in you doing your exams. The amount of stress and pressure that gets put on schoolchildren to pass can get too much sometimes! However, I wish him well for GCSE results day!

It's likely to be the only time he will ever get to have a couple of months of nothing to do. It's fine if he gets a part-time job if he wants, but it's also fine if he wants to decompress before starting college/apprenticeship/work in September.

Yes, times have changed.

There aren't any jobs for 15yo's anymore. Most gigs are 16+ unless you're accompanied by an adult and cost a small fortune. Burgers and ice-cream now cost more than what many kids get given as pocket money - same as the cinema.

If you suggest teenagers go out on bikes all day, you get told it's unsafe, that they'll get hit by a car, that they could get kidnapped or go off with strangers.

People complain that their kids are "bed rotting" but don't seem to realise that they're the ones who've created the society that means it's pretty much all they can do.

Mine all worked the summer after their GCSEs.
I think you need to concentrate on what he is going to do in September, you do realise he needs to do something? College? Apprenticeship? Work based training?
When is your baby due? You need to sort this before they come along.
Agree about the babysitting, not really his job unless it is occasional. My older ones looked after the younger ones very occasionally.
Switching off the WiFi 11-7 sounds like a good start.

Rubbish !!!
teens have jobs from 15 in cafes and pot washing !!
they could go out on their bikes if the parents stop looking at true crime genre on social media 😂 and let the kids go out !!
ok, parents may have to facilitate this, a bit of road safety awareness etc !
but parents are able to track the kids when they are out and about more than ever
being able to go out and about is less risky than looking at the mind fuck / toxic stuff the terms are absorbing all day on phones -

read the book : anxious generation
kids are less equipped with resilience than ever
parents are more fearful of letting them interact with the world than ever before
and they give their young, minds the internet to wander about in …. For hours every day, and then complain that there is not enough support for their anxious / depressed / lonely teens ….

Nonsense. Lots of teens here have jobs and go out and about. Dd2s boyfriend is a pot washer at his local and earned enough to take her out for pizza.

There are lots of teens living life. My friend said her sons friends were divided into two groups those that went out and lived life and those that stayed indoors online. You need to make sure your teen is in the former group not the latter.

@PolyVagalNerve well, it must depend on the area - around here, nobody is interested in hiring anyone under 16 - not even for pot-washing or waiting on. You need to be 16. Our local pub is always looking for staff but won't take on anyone under 16 as they can't work the hours needed.

Absolute bullshit is it all they can do. At 15 we went to unders gigs.

I know plenty of kids OP’s son’s age and they are not lying in bed all day staring at their phones. There’s a life to live out there- of course he can be doing something. There are jobs and volunteering opportunities. There are summer courses. There’s nice weather and hills to climb and tents to camp in. All the more safe nowadays with phones to take with them ironically.

Kids are entitled to plenty of days lazing about at home. But staying inside every day on phones and computer games? Fuck that. These kids have been ruined and their brains rewired. It’s disgusting.

Hard agree.

And unless he is a July / august birthday if he has just done his gcses he is 16.

Absolute bullshit is it all they can do.

I didn't actually say that, I said "pretty much all they can do". As for there being hills to climb, places to volunteer and summer courses to take - that all depends massively on where you live, how much money you have and whether you can actually access those things to begin with.

In a city, sure, there's lots of do, but in a rural country town with parents working full-time, there's not much choice, sadly.

It depends what he has planned for September and also how hard he worked for the GCSEs. If he worked really hard and he's got sixth form or whatever lined up for September, then it's fine to lounge around for a bit.

Normal. He’s earned it imo

My DS is like this, worries me but I think he is happy. He showers everyday and has to do some things around the house when he eventually wakes at midday. It is really hard for 16 year olds ti get a job.

DS will be staying on for 6th form in September- why hasn’t he got a place for September?

If only there was something you could do...

My DS 15 (Asd doesn't have many friends) has got his phone maximum 6 hours per day. Then he has to give it to me and I hide it in my room. I think 6 hours is too much and the only reason I allow so much is because of his disability. He's got friends in his online video game and I think he needs that connection. His younger brother (12) has max 2 hours per day. I can't believe some people let their kids keep their devices at night! How could they possibly resist!? It's our job to help them with limits for their own good.

Then they will file for PIP for anxiety MH problems at 18...

I have a similar age son and he did this. Sleeping pattern all over the place, always tired, didn't even go out after school with friends.

Now he's joined the gym and will go out to play football (still sleeps in though as it's the holidays!). He isn't into parties at all.

I also don't think babysitting for siblings is a bad thing. It's only very occasional for me with one 10 year old, but the way I see it at 16 he's able to get a job and has chosen not to, so the least he can do when I pay his phone, gym membership and whatever else, is help a bit at home.

The biggest issue is your DS doesn't know what he's doing in September. I told mine straight, his options were either get a job, go to college, or stay on at school. He also doesn't know what he wants to do so has chosen to stay on at school.

If this is a new thing I wouldn't worry too much as it's probably growing making him tired plus lack of direction (I think it's a scary time when they realise they're about to become an adult and don't know what they're doing) but he NEEDS to sort something out for after the summer ASAP.

I would also make the effort to do some things with him 1 to 1. Cinema showings that he's old enough for but the younger kids aren't. Out for lunch. Ice skating, swimming. Anything to get him out and doing something.

Are there no sports or hobbies he's shown an interest in previously that you could encourage him to do? Even as a one off, might pique his interest and he'll want to go again. I always say there's no harm in trying something once, and if they don't like it they don't have to go back.

yeah i’ve thought about the wifi thing but if i switch it off i end up with all 3 of the others screamin at me too 🙈 my 10yo has meltdowns without his tablet n my 4yo climbs the walls so it’s tricky.

Entertain them?