15yo just stays in bed all day since GCSEs - is this normal??

[TiredButTryin5x]

my oldest finished school in june n he’s done nothin but lay in bed on his phone since 😩 he’s 15, turnin 16 in aug. i don’t wanna nag him but he’s sleepin in past midday every day then stayin up all night watchin tiktoks or playin xbox

i’ve tried sayin get some fresh air or go see ur mates but he just shrugs or says “later”. i work part time n rely on him for babysittin sometimes (got 4 boys n pregnant again) but i don’t want that to be his whole summer either. feel like he’s just driftin

is this just how teens are after GCSEs?? i don’t remember bein this lazy but maybe i was 🙈 he’s not rude, just shuts down a lot. i don’t wanna push him but i don’t want him losin all motivation either

any advice?? do i push him to get a job or just let him chill for a bit?? xx

And at 15, I set my ds phone to turn off at night. It's incredibly unhealthy to lie awake all night on the internet. Turn off the WiFi op

I think this is a bit extreme - a couple of lazy months with no routine after GCSE's is hardly the big issue you're making it out to be.

If he’s already obligated to look after your rugrats and you’re firing yet another one out im not surprised the poor lad is depressed out his dial. He’s a child himself, he shouldn't be parenting his siblings.

He does this because you allow it….start parenting correctly.

I'd be more worried that he has no plan for September. I'm a whole year behind you and we have been doing open days, researching courses and apprenticeships and trying to get work experience for my son (year 10) who doesn't want to do A-levels but isn't sure what to do.

Also the fact that your 4 and 10 year old are completely reliant on screens? The 4 year old at least should have heavily restricted screen time, if any. Using a 15 year old who is glued to his phone for childcare not really on either.

Where is/are the father(s) of all these children in this scenario??

No but neither is forcing them.

it sounds as if he is lost - doesn’t know what he wants to do and is lacking direction and friends to do things

that is what needs working on rather than forcing him or turning off wifi

he sounds as if he could be on his way to being depressed - GCSEs are built up so much that there is a comedown when they go and he seems to be stuck and not knowing where to go

You can be a bit lazy, but doing absolutely NOTHING, for a few months is surely extreme?!? I’m not sure I’ve ever spent an entire day doing absolutely nothing indoors, unless ill.

And why is your 10 year old so reliant on his tablet? You need to nip that in the bud now or you are going to be posting exactly the same scenario when he is 15 too.

To be really honest op...it all sounds a bit chaotic....it's not fair to rely on your eldest to babysit. I can't see how adding a newborn into this dynamic is going to help.

You should be paying him for his childcare, poor kid.

I was his age 10 years ago and my daily routine was:
sleep in till 3/4
watch a couple of episodes of house MD
go back to sleep
I would sleep for at least 14-19 hours of the day, I’d eat a baked potato with cream cheese. This went on for two months. I don’t know if I had some kind of disorder or deficiency, but I was just so fucking tired. Maybe I was burnt out? My mum was really freaked out by it, but it did sort itself out and now I am normal and fine. Actually now I have kids.. I look back on this time fondly. Maybe I was clocking all that sleep as prep for now.
Keep an eye on him, give him a bit more time to chill, and then if he is still doing it in a few weeks make him get a job, does wonders for teenagers. My DN got a job at 15 and it did wonders for her social life and life in general. Nice new circle of friend, and she’s not pestering her dad for money.

He's not doing "absolutely nothing for a few months" - GCSE's only finished a couple of weeks ago!

I did my GCSE's 20 years ago and spent that summer doing pretty much nothing - lots of sleeping, watching TV, hanging out with friends occasionally and yes, festering. It's one of the last summers he'll get to just "be" - I say let him enjoy it while he can!

I agree.

‘Enjoy it’.
indeed. By hanging out with friends, going to parties, doing hobbies.
glued to your phone in the dark 24-7 isn’t anyone’s definition of enjoyment. It’s depression.

No, that's your definition of depression.

He's a teenager - their sleep patterns are naturally all over the place. He's socialising with his mates via xbox, scrolling TikTok and relaxing for a couple of weeks after a gruelling year of school and exams.

Yes, if he was still like this in August, it might be time to worry, but it's barely been two weeks since exams ended - give him a break!

A bit of this is fine, especially if he knows what he's doing come September. But it sounds like he doesn't? So firstly as everyone else has said I'd have the WiFi off. So what of the younger kids have a meltdown when they can't have their screens. Screens are addictive, of course they will. Redirect them to their toys or take them to the park or out on bikes or scooters.

Can the older one do some shadowing or work experience? He's probably too young for a job, that would be ideal but at 15 would set him up for failure. But can he shadow someone, even his dad or an uncle, to start to find some ideas of what he'd like to do with his life?

You need to pay him for childcare. Is he in bed because he can't afford to go to the cinema, gym, local festival, gig etc with mates? Is he avoiding parties because he can't afford a nice t shirt or something he wants to wear? Teens are really expensive but maybe he's not asking or joining in because he doesn't want to add more to your load if money is already a worry. If it is, maybe find some ways together he can earn some to engage with life and friends again. And if it isn't, find him jobs at home and pay him for them. It will boost his sense of self worth. My younger DS found work helping in a kids holiday sports camp. I paid my elder to do volunteering which was crucial for his CV and also to tutor his brother. I'd get your 15 year old to read with the 10 and 4 year old if you can pay him a bit to do that, and maybe to teach them some sports.

It's all very well to say they should be hanging out with friends and going to parties....and actually I agree, they should. The problem is so many teens are like this now. If I took my ds phone away and told him to go out, he wouldn't have loads of parties to go to because so many of his friends are also lazing around at home on their phones...there's not heaps of teenage parties going on nowadays

Absolutely normal.

When you say "babysitting" what does that actually look like? How many hours a day, how many kids is he responsible for, does he have to feed and clean them, does he get paid?

If his friends arent going out, do you expect him to go out on his own? Can he even afford it?

He has no chance of getting a job at 15 and not much more at 16.

6th form or college should already be sorted, so why havent you helped with that?

As my boy says “he’s making the most of his childhood”
and I don’t blame him. It’s probably only time in their life’s where they get 6 weeks to do absolutely nothing. I’m jealous of him everyday. I do drag him out though.

Totally agree with all this. We paid our 15 DS to do our garden work, stuff round the house etc.

You have bigger problems with your younger DC wanting constant WiFi. The WiFi definitely needs to be restricted, and your DS needs to be encouraged to go out. It’s normal for teens to do very little after GCSEs, personally I just sunbathed in our very small back garden, my main goal was to get a tan - but he really does need something lined up for September. Even if he doesn’t know what he wants to do yet, surely he has a place somewhere?

I would say he shouldn’t be babysitting siblings, but it sounds as though it probably does him good and gets him and about.

It's probably normal, but is it healthy? The only time one of my teens literally more ir less stayed in bed for a month was during term time when we thought they possibly had glandular fever (cock up made on getting them tested and verifying the result) and it turned out to be depression. Advice I was given was to insist on them getting up everyday for something, however minor, and though it was a struggle, it did work in the end and they did eventually get back to school (during pandemic, so school shut anyway part of the time).

He is probably in social contact with friends online, but he really should be getting up to do something regularly. And needs plans for September.

"Rely on him for babysitting"
That is a lot of responsibilty for a 15yo

"Take your brother to the park while I get this washing done" is one thing .
Babysitting sounds more time intensive .

What are your plans when the school term finishes ?
(And I'm going to be that poster who asks "What is the Dad doing ?" )

My Mum was always very lazy with cooking and cleaning , if we were at home then we were fair game . Of course my sister was clever enough to stay out of the way "studying" and banned me from our shared bedroom. Brother went out to play as he "just got in the way" and my Mum enabled both .
So I got landed with cooking/cleaning during my holiday time . <Resentful much>
Didn't have wi-fi/phones/one TV and nothin after 11pm so less to distract .

Give him his peace for a few weeks - you will likely be calling in a lot of favours in the school holidays .

Surely they had to have this all sorted before thry left school and there would have been things for the parents to attend.

Maybe the area I live in is different, but there has been a party somewhere every single night since 17th June. I am very jealous of the life dd is living!

i have been doing what others have - she gets paid £10 an hour to do a job for me - I’ve given her a list of stuff - mowing lawn, batch cooking etc - and she’s mostly chosen 1 a day, some days nothing, some days 2.

my advice to you op, would be to set the expectations with your other children now, under 10 ideally - that our bodies need sun, exercise, nutrients daily - so that by the time they’re teens and making their own minds up, it’s all part of a daily routine same as brushing teeth is.

I think that's unusual...my ds is 17...never been to a teenage party...he is popular with plenty of friends..just doesn't seem to happen. As a teen in the 1990s they were every weekend