15yo just stays in bed all day since GCSEs - is this normal??

[TiredButTryin5x]

my oldest finished school in june n he’s done nothin but lay in bed on his phone since 😩 he’s 15, turnin 16 in aug. i don’t wanna nag him but he’s sleepin in past midday every day then stayin up all night watchin tiktoks or playin xbox

i’ve tried sayin get some fresh air or go see ur mates but he just shrugs or says “later”. i work part time n rely on him for babysittin sometimes (got 4 boys n pregnant again) but i don’t want that to be his whole summer either. feel like he’s just driftin

is this just how teens are after GCSEs?? i don’t remember bein this lazy but maybe i was 🙈 he’s not rude, just shuts down a lot. i don’t wanna push him but i don’t want him losin all motivation either

any advice?? do i push him to get a job or just let him chill for a bit?? xx

Let them get bored.

10 and 4 year old shouldn’t be reliant on the bloody wifi either. So much wrong with this picture even beyond the teenager rotting in his bed.

Eh? This simply isn’t true. Maybe it’s area specific. Round my way the kids ride their bikes in the woods, perfectly safe. You can get a burger and an icecream for £10, you can earn that in an hour. Do anything! Knock on doors to wash cars, whatever. Dd has done some tutoring today for a friends y7 child who missed a month, 2 hours, she paid her £30. You aren’t going to find jobs lying on your bed playing Fortnite (or whatever they play) surprisingly enough.

Also, lots of people have mentioned that they’re resting after the stress/pressure/many revision hours they’ve spent during their exams. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that the 16yos olds who worked their arses off all stressed out and put themselves under pressure for good results for their GCSEs, are not the same kids who haven’t come out of their room or off their phones for 3 weeks since.

We did it using Google family link...I'm not tech savvy I'm afraid so DH did it....I'm sure if you google it you'll be able to find out how to do it. We set their phones to turn off at night and turn on again in the morning.

thanks again for all the replies, givin me lots to think about 💛

i get where ppl are comin from sayin it’s not on him to babysit n tbh i do feel bad about it sometimes. i don’t pay him no but he gets the box room to himself, wifi, snacks etc and i always say thank u. just hard cos i don’t have anyone else n can’t afford childcare. he don’t seem to mind most the time but i don’t want him growin up resentin me either 😞

he hasn’t got a place for september yet which is stressin me. he said he wants to do somethin with tech or games but hasn’t filled in any forms properly. he’s not lazy but i think he gets overwhelmed then just shuts off. bit like me tbh 😔

i like the idea of gettin him to do little jobs round the house or pop to the shop. might feel less naggy than sayin “get up n do somethin”. and yeah i think he’s got some data on his phone so wifi off prob wouldn’t do much 😂

will try startin small tomorrow – maybe a walk or askin him to help pick dinner or somethin. just want him to feel like his life’s movin too yknow xx

My Y11 is sleeping in a lot but she's also doing a sport 4x a week and has been to town with a friend, cooked a few times and organised her room. Is there anything he enjoys that isn't screen based?

-ing. It’s -ing at the end of words like giving, being, going.

Absolutely not normal.

Op ..you are sounding really quite passive here, like your are merely a spectator of your own life. You say you can't afford childcare but you're having another baby? How are you going to manage? Your ds hasn't filled out any forms for college? You really do need to take control here. Sit him down, look at colleges and tell him you'll help him apply. He needs something to aim for.

If he's going to go to college or sixth form in September I wouldn't worry to much. If he was 16 id be pushing for him to get a job but he will struggle at 15

What are his plans for September?

I think you might need to help him with some September choices.
15 (almost 16) year olds might not actually know what's out there unless someone helps them.
He might believe it's a choice between his school 6 form and the town college - but actually he could go to the college in the next town over because there's a bus every day - except no one has told him that.
You need to write a list of all the Post 16 options available that he can actually get too.
Then go through each ones website and find out what courses they offer.
There's so many different types of courses it can get overwhelming to understand which ones he could do so you need to help him out with this.

Sounds like you are having child after child then basically plugging them into the wifi rather than raising or entertaining them. What is the point?

If you need help with this send me a private message.

I think it is normal, but maybe a chat about where he's going after exams? My son did this for years.We knew he was upset but literally couldn't/ wouldn't talk about it till years later. I would caution against "tough love". It doesn't help depression. I agree on trying to make contact on practical issues. In our case, we got him a dog. This wouldn't work for everyone. We also managed to get him to.come on holiday to Italy. Had to get him liquid medication, which he accepted. Gradually he came out of it and a few years later was able to talk about what was wrong. He's changed so much now, for the better. Look after yourself too.

It’s fairly normal for a while after exams - but not the whole 3 months, no

He has to sort out what he’s doing in September though. Until he’s 18 he has to either be in full time education or doing an apprenticeship - there are no other options

DS just did GCSEs and had prom, been to a couple of parties, goes to gym 2-3 times a week, has his Saturday job and will probably do a few more days over summer

He is not v academic, not keen on school and definitely didn’t want to do sixth form. He’s been applying for apprenticeships since March, and now has a couple of offers - final decision dependent on results and some assessment days - but he will definitely be doing one of them.

Because of this, and because he does other stuff too, I do allow him a fair bit PS5 time

Your DS needs to get his arse in gear regarding what he is doing in September though- that should be his main focus. Does he have any idea what he wants to do?

If be babysits his siblings occasionally then chuck him a bit of cash, but it’s not his responsibility; childcare is on
you and the kids’ Dad(s) - not sure what the situation is there

I would limit WiFi until he has a college course or apprenticeship confirmed

@TiredButTryin5x he's 15 - it really is your responsibility to guide him through to sixth form college or whatever he needs to be doing. Presumably his school doesn’t have a sixth form? Was nothing said about this at school before he left?

Have you sat down with him to go through his options? He’s very young in his year and it would be a huge mistake to imagine he can get through decision making and form filling and visiting institutions by himself. If you don’t feel you can help much is there anyone else who might be able to support him? He really needs help pretty much immediately.

I’d imagine he’s staying in bed because he’s exhausted, anxious and doesn’t want to get involved in what must be quite a boisterous family life. On top of being a teenager. (We left ours to relax after exams when they were at home - but they already had sixth form sorted out, and various plans (including a festival) planned with friends over the summer.)

Just leave him to it

Apparently they get really tired when going through a growth spurt and this is the age they can grow rapidly

Very strange he isn’t sorted out for September though that should have been sorted out by now by the school

If you’re expecting him to be responsible for 3 younger siblings (and soon to be four) and the poor kid has just sat probably well over 20 exams, then I think he’s got enough on his plate.
He’s 15. He’s a child. He needs parenting, not treated like a co-parent.
How often is he babysitting? You should be paying for this and also making sure it’s occasional not regular and expected.
Did you go to any careers events / college open days with him? He should have something in place for September. It’s literally weeks away.
How does he feel about having another sibling on the way?

WiFi, snacks & a bedroom are basics for kids. He needs you & you need to parent him. Just because he’s older and you’re pregnant (again) doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you. This is crucial to his future- give him the bloody time and attention he needs. You’re failing him.

No point in driving the OP away from her thread … Better for posters to offer suggestions on how to improve the situation?

Yeah just leave him to rot in his room and figure it all out for himself. Just leave him to his unrestricted internet access and his wasted childhood and his aimless wandering through life. Just leave him to it.

Well if he's got the box room and snacks...