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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

FFS get out of bed and do some stuff

397 replies

adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 11:24

Two weeks ago she finished her A levels. 18. Place at uni. We moved house in March and she promised a new start that she would finally clean and organise her stuff. Never happened despite made to measure wardrobes, desk and shelving her choosing £1 K of stuff she wanted. She got the biggest child bedroom as she bullied the other three into it - we refused to give it to her and made her draw lots but she won fair and square and got the biggest child room. It’s massive. She doesn’t open the windows. Nice brand new carpets and nail varnish all over them. 7 K carpet. This is our forever house.

We have one child older lives on her own and two others. All of the others work as a team.

Rules about no food up in rooms - no it’s full of fucking mouldy food - I’ve just been up there. Two weeks of doing nothing literally in bed until 2 pm, no help no cooking no cleaning - from January she’s not helped claiming revision so I thought back off and leave her. Literally nothing. I’ve done her animals.

This morning I had to call and call her to go to go to an expensive weekly activity I had scream at her to come down for an hour. Woke her up and asked her gently to get up I have to pay for it - if she is a no show. She turned up sneered at me and did her activity and not even a thank you when I paid.

She got a bloody car for her birthday a week ago off grandparents - has she even phoned them or sent a card to say thank you - no she fucking hasn’t. Ungrateful brat. I’m disgusted.

She then sneered at me in the car to it saying we need to leave at 12.30 to go to x (about 30 minute car journey away) as there are no buses. I said I’ve booked to take younger sister to the lido this afternoon and swimming etc you said you didn’t want to come. She said I don’t but me and 3 of my friends need taking to x village where we are meeting some friends so you will have time to do that and get back for the lido. Her friends are arriving at 12.30. She’s done fuck all today. I’ve been up since 5am. I’ve lost my shit and gone up to her room and started black sacking stuff and binning anything on the floor. I’ve told her she not going if her room isn’t tidy and I’m not giving her any lifts. None.

We’ve all tiptoed around her moods and attitudes especially during revision and exam stress. I’ve told her to sort her own uber out, I’m not one. She was upstairs screaming and crying but I’ve reached breaking point. We had months of gentle conversations and trying to talk to her reasonably and I’ve just lost it. It’s gone quiet now and it sounds like she is tidying. DH isn’t here / he’s gone to see his folks and I’ve got 3 kids who are lovely and one that is like this.

I do root for her and love her but right now this second I don’t like her very much.

My head is pounding. The entitlement of her.

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 28/06/2025 11:28

It's a tough year, isn't it, but it's over a week now since A levels finished - so I wouldn't be making any more concessions..

Time for tough love - as you are doing - otherwise a grim summer ahead..

Good luck

adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 12:13

She’s just appeared to tell me ‘mummy darling my friends are on their way around for a lift’ 😡

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 28/06/2025 12:16

She didn't become like this overnight, this ungrateful brat behaviour will have been years in the making.

HenDoNot · 28/06/2025 12:21

More fool you if you give her and her friends a lift. Stop tiptoeing around her. This is all of your making.

hooverbob · 28/06/2025 12:25

7k carpet! that can't be for one room?

hooverbob · 28/06/2025 12:27

When I behaved like a dick my parents grounded me.

iamnotalemon · 28/06/2025 12:30

She sounds really spoilt to be honest

latetothefisting · 28/06/2025 12:36

HenDoNot · 28/06/2025 12:21

More fool you if you give her and her friends a lift. Stop tiptoeing around her. This is all of your making.

exactly!
ffs don't give her the lift! get in the car and leave the house if you have to.

Elle771 · 28/06/2025 12:37

adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 12:13

She’s just appeared to tell me ‘mummy darling my friends are on their way around for a lift’ 😡

Oh well she can explain to them why there won't be any lifts then

adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 12:40

MissyB1 · 28/06/2025 12:16

She didn't become like this overnight, this ungrateful brat behaviour will have been years in the making.

It has and we’ve had sanctions and tough love at various points. Her friends have arrived and she’s taken them upstairs 🙄😡I’ve asked her what her plan is and she says she doesn’t have a plan.

OP posts:
adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 12:47

She busy whispering to them and I’m sat on the sofa in the kitchen with my feet up. They have ordered an Uber and left 😌I feel a bit guilty but it’s tough love now

OP posts:
FofB · 28/06/2025 13:02

It's time to get tough. Last night, I drove for 40 minutes there and 40 minutes back to collect my eldest at 1am- reason: she'd asked me in advance, explained why she couldn't get home (rural area/buses are terrible) and would I please come and get her after an event?

Answer- yes- put it in the phone calendar and I will do it. She understood I had been at work all day and did her a favour.

If she spoke to me like crap, it would be a hard no. And she knows this.

pushthebuttonnn · 28/06/2025 13:28

Oh some of them are horrible little creatures at this age. So entitled and selfish. Hopefully she will change for the better as she gets older and realise the value of money & time (when she has to work hard for it) I'm sure in a few years she'll be horrified at the way she acted. You did the right thing by not chauffeuring her and her friends
I would have been tempted to tell the friends why though.
How awfully sad that she hasn't thanked her grandparents for a very kind & expensive gift. Hopefully she will see sense soon and stop being ungrateful. Do they see another side to her? I'm just wondering why they would buy her this if she never thanks them etc? Could she have messaged them without you knowing?

TartanMammy · 28/06/2025 13:40

Why are booking and paying for activities for an 18yr old? Why are you letting her have the biggest room and buying custom furniture when she'll be moving out soon? Why are you allowing her to treat you like this?

user65342 · 28/06/2025 13:55

No lifts, no money for activities, re-home the animals. I wouldn’t do anything for another adult that was as ungrateful as that.

scoobysnaxx · 28/06/2025 14:14

MissyB1 · 28/06/2025 12:16

She didn't become like this overnight, this ungrateful brat behaviour will have been years in the making.

This.

ginasevern · 28/06/2025 14:27

adultnotadult · 28/06/2025 12:47

She busy whispering to them and I’m sat on the sofa in the kitchen with my feet up. They have ordered an Uber and left 😌I feel a bit guilty but it’s tough love now

She shouldn't be whispering (presumably about you) to her friends. That's 13 year old behaviour, not 18. Jesus, I had my own bedsit at 17 and if I'd got nail varnish on my mum's expensive carpet, my feet wouldn't have touched it. The real world is going to hit her like a ton of bricks unless she shapes up.

Turmerictolly · 28/06/2025 14:32

She sounds very spoilt sadly.

thecomedyofterrors · 28/06/2025 14:35

You’ve spoilt her. Sounds really unpleasant. No thank you to grandparents? Shocking. Major tough love needed OP to recover this one.

JustGiveMeWineNow · 28/06/2025 14:49

Send her to me for a month! I will sort her out.

  1. car keys would be taken, and she needs to know that to not acknowledge and thank for such a gift is shocking.
  2. Tell her she is on her own for uni payments except what you have to top up to bring her to full loan amount you sound wealthy - 7k carpet and all)
  3. My kids know we have a fund for house deposit. If anyone was getting on like that in this house they would not get a penny.

My daughter is same age just finished A levels. I haven’t had to do any house work since she finished as I am working full time and she only has an eight hour contract. I never never have to ask her to do anything. We have guests this week and I picked them up from airport after work and came home to a sparking house with table set for dinner.

RainyDayCoffee · 28/06/2025 16:22

@JustGiveMeWineNow
Please can I send my two!
Xx

reversegear · 28/06/2025 16:30

JustGiveMeWineNow · 28/06/2025 14:49

Send her to me for a month! I will sort her out.

  1. car keys would be taken, and she needs to know that to not acknowledge and thank for such a gift is shocking.
  2. Tell her she is on her own for uni payments except what you have to top up to bring her to full loan amount you sound wealthy - 7k carpet and all)
  3. My kids know we have a fund for house deposit. If anyone was getting on like that in this house they would not get a penny.

My daughter is same age just finished A levels. I haven’t had to do any house work since she finished as I am working full time and she only has an eight hour contract. I never never have to ask her to do anything. We have guests this week and I picked them up from airport after work and came home to a sparking house with table set for dinner.

Do you take 17 year old boys too! To be fair I’m reading this post a bit shocked he’s a royal pain but my god the car thing.. I’d be taking it off him.

NewMe2024 · 28/06/2025 16:34

Why do they need a lift when she’s just been gifted a car?

Satisfiedkitty · 28/06/2025 16:43

Good for you not giving the lift - they clearly managed an Uber, so don't you dare feel guilty.

It is a tricky time, because they are discovering their freedom, but they're not quite independent. Almost like toddler years. I think it has to be basic house rules and boundaries. Ignore any tantrums and sulks. Just like toddlers.

Wallywobbles · 28/06/2025 17:52

Did she tidy her room? I’m afraid she’d have lost it by now in our house. This kind of shit is awful for everyone. Please get a bit tougher with her for the world’s sake.