FFS get out of bed and do some stuff

[adultnotadult]

Two weeks ago she finished her A levels. 18. Place at uni. We moved house in March and she promised a new start that she would finally clean and organise her stuff. Never happened despite made to measure wardrobes, desk and shelving her choosing £1 K of stuff she wanted. She got the biggest child bedroom as she bullied the other three into it - we refused to give it to her and made her draw lots but she won fair and square and got the biggest child room. It’s massive. She doesn’t open the windows. Nice brand new carpets and nail varnish all over them. 7 K carpet. This is our forever house.

We have one child older lives on her own and two others. All of the others work as a team.

Rules about no food up in rooms - no it’s full of fucking mouldy food - I’ve just been up there. Two weeks of doing nothing literally in bed until 2 pm, no help no cooking no cleaning - from January she’s not helped claiming revision so I thought back off and leave her. Literally nothing. I’ve done her animals.

This morning I had to call and call her to go to go to an expensive weekly activity I had scream at her to come down for an hour. Woke her up and asked her gently to get up I have to pay for it - if she is a no show. She turned up sneered at me and did her activity and not even a thank you when I paid.

She got a bloody car for her birthday a week ago off grandparents - has she even phoned them or sent a card to say thank you - no she fucking hasn’t. Ungrateful brat. I’m disgusted.

She then sneered at me in the car to it saying we need to leave at 12.30 to go to x (about 30 minute car journey away) as there are no buses. I said I’ve booked to take younger sister to the lido this afternoon and swimming etc you said you didn’t want to come. She said I don’t but me and 3 of my friends need taking to x village where we are meeting some friends so you will have time to do that and get back for the lido. Her friends are arriving at 12.30. She’s done fuck all today. I’ve been up since 5am. I’ve lost my shit and gone up to her room and started black sacking stuff and binning anything on the floor. I’ve told her she not going if her room isn’t tidy and I’m not giving her any lifts. None.

We’ve all tiptoed around her moods and attitudes especially during revision and exam stress. I’ve told her to sort her own uber out, I’m not one. She was upstairs screaming and crying but I’ve reached breaking point. We had months of gentle conversations and trying to talk to her reasonably and I’ve just lost it. It’s gone quiet now and it sounds like she is tidying. DH isn’t here / he’s gone to see his folks and I’ve got 3 kids who are lovely and one that is like this.

I do root for her and love her but right now this second I don’t like her very much.

My head is pounding. The entitlement of her.

Her room is tidy at least the floor is. It’s not hoovered but it will be. She’s treating it like a free hotel.

Hopefully living in halls will sort her out.

She hasn’t texted since she left or rung me. I had a lovely lovely afternoon with my amazing 12 year old daughter. She thanked me for a lovely 3 hours swim up at the lido and for taking her - was a bloody pleasure.

DH is on his way back.

No idea if she wants dinner so she doesn’t have any. Apparently she has rung DH to collect them and I told him not to. He’s had a 5 hour drive today to his parents and back, she can sort herself out.

She’s 18. It’s called respect. If she was grounded she’d be happy up in her room and doing nothing.

Not the point of the thread?

The carpet was £7k. Which rooms?

I hope her Uni is a decent distance away & now she's at Uni she gets a smaller room & one of the others gets the big room

Always a room for her. But doesn't need the best one.

Ha she can’t drive it yet she hasn’t got a licence she’s learning on it and it is hers

Why are you still driving her if she has her own car? Can she not drive yet?

I wouldn't have allowed the car without the proviso that we would take the key off her if behaviour wasn't good enough. Ditto the best bedroom. You're letting her get away with this.

Your 12 year old might be like this in a few years...

Now that exams are over and dd is going to uni, I assume that you’re going to switch the rooms around ?

Definitely a brat and spoilt. Is she planning on getting a job over the summer or just bumming around? Stop giving her money.

What's the activity? Stop paying for it. She does sound horrible however you're letting her get to you as well. Your mistake was her getting the big room in the first place (I know you did it fairly) and then spending so much on it when she'd only have it for six months. I feel sorry for her future halls mates as she sounds like she'll be one who never cleans up.

The best bedroom she won fair and square by lots in the end after we said no to her demanding it.

She demanded DH go and get her and he told her her didn’t have an employment contract and she needed to employ someone to do her shit for her.

She appeared at 7 pm and stomped to her room and stayed there. I’ve just woken her up and told her that two of her pets need to go - myself and DH have been looking after them for the last 6 months. Youngest is upset so I might offer her the pets or rehome them, I don’t know. Can’t rehome her dog he’s 8, they are family now. Her dog properly adores her too - she’s had him since a puppy. She does walk him but we fed etc as she’s just not up to feed him and we have to feed the other dogs.

I just been up and told her to get up 10.30 am and to get her lazy backside downstairs.

Shes off to do uni in September for crying out loud. DH and I have also told her we aren’t paying for the insurance on the car she has been gifted little madam. Fortunately we haven’t insured it yet.

I’m so angry. 😡 Everyone at school says how lovely she is kind, empathetic, helpful, bright, academic, resourceful, she was Head Girl. At home she’s ignorant, rude, entitled and flouncy. I was prepared to ride it out as exam stress etc but the exams are over.

The hobby for someone who asked is horses. All the children ride and yes, they all have one. But they are expected to muck in and muck out with everything including the animals. They all do. She used to.

My 18 year old has just finished her a-levels too. She’s a messy madam but not dirty as such. I do have to keep reminding her to move her things but it eventually it does get done. Difference with her is that she’s had a part time job since after her GCSE’s and works her backside off in both her job and at school. She also pays her half of her car insurance. She chops vegetables and preps dinner twice a week for us although she doesn’t eat it as she’s an extremely fussy eater. She doesn’t however cooks her own food and has done since she was 13 as she recognises that it’s a her problem. She picks up the dog poo when asked from the garden. Her room however is absolutely disgusting and I don’t go in there- no food etc but a complete tip 😂

Firstly, teenagers are very self-centred. They all have their moments. But It’s worth having a good look at the decisions you’ve made up to this point - because your sweet little 12 year old won’t necessarily stay that way. For example, if DD18 wasn’t looking after the dog you bought specifically for her, why did you buy her a horse? And then allow grandparents to buy her a car? If she’s never kept her room
tidy, why was she ever in contention for the biggest room? And actually, with her going to live away at uni, she ought to have had one of the smaller rooms.
She will hopefully do some growing up at uni. But adults can still be spoilt and entitled, so I’d have a real think about what you’re going to continue to fund for her. At 18 I was on my own financially with a part time job and student loan. I still had a room to come back to at my family home, but they weren’t funding my pets, lifestyle etc. Time for some honest conversations.

She’s treating it like a free hotel.

Can't think why...

She sounds spoilt and slobby. I don’t know how teens like this get the nerve I really don’t.

I would have had to say due to behaviour, no friends and she's not permitted to leave the house till her room is spotless. I've had to learn tough love when my daughter was that age

'You'd better book an Uber then, darling. I'm busy'

Edit - have now seen they actually did this! Keep pushing back. I would do nothing if I wasn't asked politely and my DC know that.

Sounds as if she’s used to a high standard of living - car given to her, you’ve all got horses - it’s going to be hard for her to realise she’s out on her own now. You’re paying for so much that she probably doesn’t feel the need to be grateful for any of it.

Horse, dog, car, room with thousands spent on it. No wonder she's acts like an entitled brat, she is one. Stop spending ridiculous amounts of money on her, tell her to get a job, give her a bus timetable.

I don't think she's spoilt, otherwise all the kids would behave the same way. I think it's just some kids. I had five and only one (the middle DD) was anything like this. It was like a war of attrition for three or four years, as though she was fighting me all the way for every single thing. But she went off to Uni and came back a LOT more understanding. I think Uni comes as a wake up call to a lot of kids, they aren't pandered to any more and are expected to run their own lives, it helps them to grow up a bit.

So no help to you, really, OP, but just know that my own lazy, manipulative horror is now earning squillions, living on the other side of the planet and has just bought a fabulous house. And she calls, messages and texts me frequently and is a positive joy.

At 18 she should been through the lazy entitled brat stage by now and be a respectful helpful young adult. I would take best room off her right now, stop paying for everything, being her unpaid slave & make her do her chores If she doesn't start looking after herself before she goes to uni then I dread to think what it will be like for anyone who has to share with her.

Why did grandparents buy a car if she hasn’t passed her test? Is she going to have time to get lessons at uni and wait for a driving test?

let her know you are drawing lots for her room amongst remaining children and she can have smallest room while away. She still has a room but others get a chance to benefit.

my DS is loved by all outside of the home. Can be an AH in the home. Would rather he is nice to others.

kids today don’t really understand the value of money. They don’t see the pile of pay day cash behind the clock being depleted and realise the hard graft it takes.

if I had a £10 note in my purse it would have to be something I really needed to break into it. Now it’s all contactless!

Revision and exams is not an excuse for rude, entitled, brattish behaviour— I have two kids, 22 and 18, so I’ve been through the exams and uni stage…both mine were pleasant, helpful, considerate and we rarely argue or raise voices at them. Your child is entitled and spoilt, sorry…you need to stay taking her privileges away and not enabling her bad disrespectful behaviour.

You told her she wouldn't be going and you wouldn't give her any lifts unless her room was tidy, so you have to stick to that.

Sorry for your troubles and all that but I’m obsessed by your £7k carpet - is that in just one bedroom or the whole house?

What was the thinking behind that?