13-year old bumping into me in the kitchen

[Jarstastic]

This seems a small thing compared to some of the drama from an elder sibling, but it’s getting me down.

13-year old son will want something from a drawer or cupboard (usually in the kitchen but sometimes in another room) and if I’m standing in front of it, he opens it regardless! Like I’m not there. I have reiterated it over and over. he says sorry. I have previously said sorry doesn’t mean anything without changed behaviour.

He has now started saying excuse me, but then carries on regardless, doesn’t wait for me to respond or move. I’m not sure if he does this to other people as others aren’t around so much these days.

He did it again yesterday, opened dishwasher when I was in front of it and I got bashed by it. His father was at the kitchen table and told him, he said sorry and his father said it’s not good enough to say sorry anymore, you’re doing it regularly. You are a big boy (he is now a few inches taller than me and fairly solid), stop barging in. He is a tad childish for his age.

10 minutes later (!) he said excuse me but then opened cupboard door into me. I got upset and said you didn’t even give me one second to move. Father heard it, came in and was not impressed and took him to another room, had a serious chat with him, then sent him to bed.

This morning, I was in the kitchen stirring milk into my coffee, he comes into the kitchen gets a bowl out of the bowl cupboard, then comes over to where I’m standing, opens the drawer with spoons, straight into my stomach!!

Keep on with the time out until he learns or swap it up to no screens . It’s bullish behaviour and doesn’t bode well for treatment of future girlfriends.

I'd have yelled at him a long time ago. This is shitty behaviour.

Why don't you just rip him a new one?

It's aggressive behaviour, asking nicely isn't cutting it.

I would anticipate his behaviour and say "just fucking well wait a moment! Do not open the drawer into me!"

Get him to wait at the door until you're out of the kitchen! It does sound like he isn't thinking this through rather than being unkind - but you know your son best. Has anyone ever opened a door into him so he knows what it feels like? My son with adhd has to fling doors open, never a quiet opening - but he still manages to avoid other people.

Well I think he has lost the privilege of helping himself in the kitchen when you are in there. He can either wait until you have finished what you are doing in the kitchen or he can wait somewhere away from the cupboards etc and ask politely if you will get him something (which you shouldnt rush to do)

make his life v inconvenient until it sinks in. Its the natural consequence. He wasnt willing to wait to get whatever he wanted, so now he has to wait much much longer

Ban him from the kitchen. He has to ask to go in.
(I'd be tempted to put a baby gate over the door so he has to stop before he can come in)

Does he do it to anyone else, or just you?
Bullish male behaviour starting.

Is he doing that to his Dad too?

I would see that as him choosing to be agressive as we all have personal space around us and he breaches his own personal space while causing you harm.

I would be sending him out of the room each and every time it happens.

And if he keeps it up he would be informed he need to ask permission (from his Dad and you) to go into the kitchen at all

Don't take it personally OP, it sounds like he's just a bit "bull in a china shop" - I think some teens do have a lack of awareness of their own growing body. Every time he does it, make him go outside the kitchen and count to 100 before he can come back and get the thing he wants. Keep doing this until he breaks the habit.

He doesn’t care about this (which is quite bizarre) - I’d have been yelling in his face a long time ago - no one likes that.

I’d also look at how to punish him eg removing phone, privileges, allowance quite aggressively.

Do you think he’s deliberately aiming this behaviour at you? He doesn’t do it to his father?

I think this is a good suggestion of a consequence for him.

By the way, does he do it to his Dad too?

This isn’t bumping into her though, this is reading in front of her and opening a dish washer door into her stomach.

It’s a deliberate act and needs to be strongly dealt with.

It is bullish, it is a good word. and being so thoughtless. He is actually a kind, empathetic boy.

I have yelled at him a few times of times (when I’ve got fed up of reiteration dozens of times, explanations of waiting till I’ve finished, say excuse me wait for response) and dad yelled at him yesterday.

I think i did once open a cupboard on him. And he got annoyed. He’s probably forgotten!
Separately, he does have issues with attention span and getting distracted. We have cut down on screen time. But I have been wondering whether to have him assessed for adhd. I’ve been wondering whether he masks at school and I get the unload.

This is why I don’t like too many people in the kitchen when I’m in the kitchen. And I will actually ask the kids to leave and wait until I’ve finished. “But I only want a small cup of water…” Wait two minutes!!!

Why is he getting his own breakfast?

Because he's 13 and doesn't live in a hotel?

I don't think the solution to this is for OP to start making his breakfast for him!!

This morning it was to get his cereal, but yesterday he was doing his Saturday evening job of unloading and loading the dishwasher. But he had kept getting distracted and going off so I was the sink maybe washing knives by the time he opened the cupboard under the sink to get a dishwasher tablet. So it wouldn’t have inconvenienced him to be banned from the kitchen, he’d have got out of his job!

You need a Timmy mallet mallet.

Umm, because he's 13?

😂He’s been doing his own cereal for years. And tbf in a hotel you usually get your own cereal!!

My 11 year old makes her own breakfast daily and lunch on the weekends .

It doesn’t matter if he has adhd or whatever he needs to show you/others some respect. You need to escalate