13-year old bumping into me in the kitchen

[Jarstastic]

This seems a small thing compared to some of the drama from an elder sibling, but it’s getting me down.

13-year old son will want something from a drawer or cupboard (usually in the kitchen but sometimes in another room) and if I’m standing in front of it, he opens it regardless! Like I’m not there. I have reiterated it over and over. he says sorry. I have previously said sorry doesn’t mean anything without changed behaviour.

He has now started saying excuse me, but then carries on regardless, doesn’t wait for me to respond or move. I’m not sure if he does this to other people as others aren’t around so much these days.

He did it again yesterday, opened dishwasher when I was in front of it and I got bashed by it. His father was at the kitchen table and told him, he said sorry and his father said it’s not good enough to say sorry anymore, you’re doing it regularly. You are a big boy (he is now a few inches taller than me and fairly solid), stop barging in. He is a tad childish for his age.

10 minutes later (!) he said excuse me but then opened cupboard door into me. I got upset and said you didn’t even give me one second to move. Father heard it, came in and was not impressed and took him to another room, had a serious chat with him, then sent him to bed.

This morning, I was in the kitchen stirring milk into my coffee, he comes into the kitchen gets a bowl out of the bowl cupboard, then comes over to where I’m standing, opens the drawer with spoons, straight into my stomach!!

It was one line not nuanced. I have an opinion on how I do things. I also think it might take the pressure off OPs kitchen a bit if tasks were allocated rather than a free for all. But also, it is whatever works for whomsoever. Whether we all fully endorse one another's style or not

And along comes the back peddling. Asking why the child is making breakfast by default comes from a position of thinking they shouldn’t be.

Exactly !
Ours cook family meals for everyone as well and have been for many years
They also deal with washing, sorting, everything with regards to their clothes and bedding as well. Theyve also been cleaning their rooms for years…… I can’t remember the last time we did any of those chores.

Bringing up kids that can fend for themselves is our responsibility.

of note @Middleagedstriker my mum did everything in the house so I learnt how to cook off fellow flat mates when I moved out. Their parents had taught them!

Yes, here in my house we do things differently from you and op.

So I indicate that maybe if he's being annoying in the kitchen a different approach from op might take pressure off. No back peddling, I most definitely know what I mean.

Only you didn’t start by offering a different approach. You started with a judgment.

like this.

“why aren’t you teaching your child independence”.

Goodness me, I did not start with that. But this is my last reply to this thread. Why you won't allow other people to their life their way I can't say. But will say again we can all make our own choices and changes when needed and there is no one right way. If one way isn't working, try another is what I'd say.

You did start with an accusatory why. That’s exactly where you started.

Much as I hate to go back and reply again, the quote is NOT where I started.

Literally was. Your first comment. First page of thread.

That wasn't what you quoted.

You quoted this and said it was my first statement.
“why aren’t you teaching your child independence”.

Now please leave me alone

Was your son taught no touch without permission as a small child because his aggressive squeeze hugs violate your space and consent? Him doing the banging the cabinets into to you once or twice, yes and accident but him doing it repeatedly isn't. Far too many boy see their mums as the skivvy and NPC and not a person. Stop being so gentle and passive with him.

That wasn’t me quoting you. That was an example of a come back to you. 😂🙄

Oh now you are trying to wriggle out of it. Classic

No. I am not. My post was clear. I was giving you an example of an accusatory why.

why is your 13 year old making their own breakfast.

why aren’t you raising an independent child.

questions starting with a why come from a starting point of judgement.