How do I get ds to leave home?

[BlastedPimples]

And just go?

I am so sick of him.

He's doing AS levels except he isn't. Hasn't attended school for more than six days since January. The school hasn't expelled him yet but I wish they would.

Sleeps all day, games all weekend. Might play a game of rugby here and there but does nothing else.

He's rude. Hostile. Dirty. Consumes vast amounts of food. Refuses to get a job.

Yeah yeah yeah. I know all my fault. Shit parenting etc etc etc except my other three are nothing like him.

I want him out. How do I do this?

Btw this is third time he's repeated this year 12.

He claims depression. I just think he's a lazy entitled sod.

Gosh, there is a lot to unpack here.

He’s your responsibility until he is 18.

What does he say about it?

It's not all your fault, are you a single parent, does he have other adults in the family, any friends.

AS levels means 17, right? I think I'd be inclined to tell him he has to buckle down and if he fails his as levels he's out when he's 18. Stop doing anything for him in the house if he has a bad attitude- he can do his own washing and cooking if he's being vile. And how is he affording to live? Stop any allowance etc unless he buckles down and improves his attitude. I think all this is easy to say and not so easy to do though, so hugs

This sounds really hard for you.

Is he over 18?
Has he or would he get any help for his depression?

So he must be 19 ish now if he's on his 3rd resit?

I guess you have to be firm about your expectations both of what you will accept and what he must do. He's an adult now after all.

It's ultimatum time.

Are you SURE he doesn't have anything else going on though.. no undiagnosed conditions, or drugs for example?

Where do you think he can go?

His age is pretty important here OP.

No, he's 19 in April.

He's repeating Year 12 for the third time.

I have told him what is expected of him. Keeping his room clean, helping out with chores etc. Ge simply ignores me.

And as for telling him he has to leave, of course he won't do that. He's massive. How do I make him leave?

Ultimatums are an irrelevance.

He might well be depressed. Instead of wishing he'd leave, have you considered taking him to the GP and asking about depression? Wanting him to go and be alone IS shit parenting.

As for depression. Who knows? He's seen a psychologist on and off for a year now. Nothing changed. Refuses any medication.

It's not that I want him to go and be alone. Thanks though.

I want him to stop leaving skid marks every time he goes to the toilet.

I want him to tidy up after himself just for once.

I want him to recognise that doing AS and A levels require some studying instead of gaming away any waking moments.

You sound completely unsympathetic and in reality this IS the result of shit parenting. Wanting him to just leave instead of helping him and dealing with the issues at hand is the absolute height of it

You could try finding a room in a shared house for him once he fails his AS levels again. He'll be 19 then. Tell him if he fails his exams again he's moving into a shared house. He'll have to claim UC and let them nag him to get a job. Having to stand on his own 2 feet could be the making of him. If you warm him now what will happen in August if he fails again because he won't put any effort it he's got no one to blame but himself and he's got time to turn it around. Presumably child benefit will end once he's 19 too. Tell him this.

I have taken him to the GP after persuading him for many weeks to go with me.

I have arranged many psychologists appointments after persuading him for many weeks to attend.

I don't think his disgusting habits at home are excusable nor is his refusal to study and taking up a school place.

Nor is his refusal to join us for family meal times because he's too busy gaming.

@MaloneMeadow ah. Because you have witnessed the support I have given him over the last three years have you?

I get it and sympathise. It feels overwhelming and impossible if they don't give anything back when you try to help. It can feel easier if they just went. I do understand.

Why does he insist on doing AS / A levels if he's just not going to study? He got Us the last two times. Give it up. Do something else.

@MaloneMeadow I expect you think it's ok for him to tell me to fuck off he. I ask him to hurry up because he's going to be late for the rugby match to which I am driving him? Because he might be depressed?

Where do you think he will go and how will he fund it?

Have you tried having a calm, non confrontational chat with him ?
Where you’re not focussing on expectations/ his failures but just about how he feels?

Get him to open up to you ?

I think there is more going on here than just a ‘ vile’ teenager.

If you can’t talk to him, is there someone who can ?

You say he told you he’s depressed. What is being done about that ? Yes he’s seen psychologist but nothing came of it.
Why not ?
Are you fighting his corner ?

Depression manifests in many different ways.

Is he suicidal ?

You do know that part of depression is low motivation and lack of self care? He may be trying very hard to get his a levels but not be well enough to study?

Where do you think he’s going to go if he leaves home and can’t look after himself? I do think you’re being unsympathetic and lacking in understanding here.