How do I get ds to leave home?

[BlastedPimples]

And just go?

I am so sick of him.

He's doing AS levels except he isn't. Hasn't attended school for more than six days since January. The school hasn't expelled him yet but I wish they would.

Sleeps all day, games all weekend. Might play a game of rugby here and there but does nothing else.

He's rude. Hostile. Dirty. Consumes vast amounts of food. Refuses to get a job.

Yeah yeah yeah. I know all my fault. Shit parenting etc etc etc except my other three are nothing like him.

I want him out. How do I do this?

I have had many many chats with him. As have his teachers. Many. Hundreds.

Considering you’ve made an MN post slagging him off with all the insults of the day it very clearly illustrates your attitude towards him.

@WaitingForMojo then he should withdraw from the course. Take that pressure off. But he won't. Even though he doesn't study. And will get Us again. And will enrol yet again.

Once he hits 19 A level education is no longer free. I think as long as he’s started it’s ok but I’m not sure. So if(when) he fails this time he’s used up all his free do-overs.

This is very tough for you. Do you think the school will expel him if he’s not turning up.

I think when this attempt at As levels fails which it will he needs to get a job and start paying rent. Being in a more adult environment will do him the world of good.

@MaloneMeadow I have had enough. He does nothing all the time. Nothing. Except be hostile. Leave mess and stink wherever he goes. Is not receptive to any kind of help or suggestions.

So because he’s struggling, you want to give up on him and get rid of him?

He has it too good under your roof. He needs a kick up the arse and a dose of reality. I've noticed this with so many relatives kids over the last few years. They think they have it so tough but they don't realise just how lucky they are to have everything done for them at home
Makes it difficult when they have to stand on their own two feet eventually. You need to give him an ultimatum, if he doesn't pass his exams this time he has to get a trade or job. If not he's out.

@MaloneMeadow you have no idea.

If you have nothing constructive to say or to help then please do hush. Thank you.

@DillDanding what do you suggest?

Would you like to come and clean the skidmarks he leaves? And clean his bedroom? And let him tell you to fuck off because you asked him to get a wriggle on so he's not late for his rugby match?

Would you be cool with that?

@Mystro202 how do I get him to do anything? He doesn't even wash his hands after going to the toilet.

If he didn’t have something to play games on what would he do? Did you provide this technology? Why don’t you remove it?

Sell his console etc, tell him he will have to get a job if he wants to buy another. An apprenticeship would be good to get him started. If he won’t do it, tell him he has two months to find a job then he’s out. Firm but fair. If he physically won’t leave and gets aggressive then police

He's over 6 feet tall. He bought the tech with his pocket money. It's not mine to take away.

Well you are paying the electricity to run it. Tell him he can’t use it unless he either goes to school to learn or gets a job. And mean it.

I find the best way to get a problematic man to leave is to buy and cook food they don't like - trout etc. Open his bedroom window regularly. Strip his bed to wash the sheets but don't make it for him. Leave the snack cupboard empty, turn the heating off & wear thermals. Don't keep alcohol in the house. Change the password on the router.

I've only ever used it to get rid of an ex who thought he would cock lodge but I imagine it will work as well with a lazy, selfish teen.

He behaves decently or he finds a job & leaves. No negotiation.

Tell him he can come back when he has learnt some manners.

If my DC told me to fuck off when asked to do something then I wouldn't be dishing out pocket money, giving lifts or cooking dinners.

You’re on MN specifically asking for help re: your DS - I have given you constructive criticism but you refuse to take it as you can’t see fault with your own parenting or attitude towards him, which is certainly part of the problem. If you don’t want to hear the truth then don’t make a post, it’s as simple as that.

He's a really good skier and a competing sailor.

I suggested he train to be ski and sailing instructor. There are great training courses out there. Then he could take a couple of years out, earning money, have some fun. See the world. Then come back to education if he wanted.

Nope. Nothing doing.

Who's giving him pocket money?!!

@MaloneMeadow nope. Not constructive at all. You said "shit parenting". Nothing specific or constructive in that at all. Bye bye now.

Which screams that he is depressed.

I’m curious how this came about/ how many years ago did it start?

And here yet again we have the issue with your own accountability towards the situation.

What @Meadowfinch said. Don't remind him he'll be late for rugby, let him be late. If he doesn't arrive on time for family meals then give the dinner to the dog. Don't give him pocket money, if he wants money he can get a job.

I know he's a big lad, but you can have rules.

@StealthMama his father gives him pocket money. Lives in a different country.

The tech he bought a couple of years ago.