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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Just had huge row with ds 18

269 replies

BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:20

He does nothing around the house to help. Does absolute nothing to help at all.

I ask him, he says, "Yeah sure," but nothing happens.

He leaves dirty dishes in sink, his room and bathroom are disgusting.

He doesn't study. Is retaking A levels and expects a different result from no study.

Does nothing to get a part time job.

I give him lifts everywhere.

He lifts weights and consumes an extraordinary amount of eggs, milk, meat, protein powder. All of which I buy for him.

I have had enough. I said he has to do more and he basically does nothing. I took away the protein powder and a rugby ball he was playing with in the house and said he can have it back when he starts to do some chores.

He has now hidden my work computer. So I can't work and will only give it back if I give him back protein powder.

I lost my temper. I said some awful things like he's bone idle, I'm not proud of him, he's lazy, he needs to do more, get a part time job etc. He just shrugged and said I can have my computer back when he gets his stuff back. Except it's not his stuff because I bought it and he does nothing to contribute to the household in any way.

What to do?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 23/12/2023 13:22

Don’t clean his room and don’t buy the food he wants.
Is his dad in the picture?

Azandme · 23/12/2023 13:26

Give him whatever it takes to get your laptop back. Lock it away, THEN remove all privileges as a response to his blackmail. How dare he?!

No more extra protein foods.

No more protein powders.

No more lifts.

No more laundry.

Dirty dishes from sink would get dumped in his bed.

If he won't do anything for you or your shared home, reciprocate in kind and stop doing things for him. He's an adult.

He can earn things back by pulling his weight.

I'd also ask him who the fuck he thinks he is.

GenXisthebest · 23/12/2023 13:27

I have teens and I would really lose it if one of them hid my work laptop and used it to blackmail me! Can you really not find it anywhere?

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:27

He's bigger than me. He is letting me know he can do what he wants because what am I going to do about it?

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 23/12/2023 13:27

I'd give him it back to get my work computer then offer him zero extra luxury at home

BornIn78 · 23/12/2023 13:28

Why do you keep buying “extraordinary amounts” of eggs, milk, meat and protein powder?

Stop paying his phone contract.

Stop giving him any money. He wants money, he’ll have to get a job.

Stop giving him lifts. He’ll have to get public transport or walk.

Stop giving him access to the WiFi.

Stop over indulging this spoilt brat.

Babyroobs · 23/12/2023 13:29

I would go ballistic at my lap top being hidden. Who does he think he is ?

Azandme · 23/12/2023 13:30

BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:27

He's bigger than me. He is letting me know he can do what he wants because what am I going to do about it?

In that scenario I'd make it very clear he gets to live in the house only because I let him, and if he wants to play this game he's out.

He can take his bullshit and pack it along with the rest of his stuff.

Are you certain he's not taking steroids?

Redcliffe1 · 23/12/2023 13:30

Have you considered family counselling? You both seem locked in a cycle and although he has behaved badly in his eyes he's just doing the same as you and no kid wants to hear what you said.

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:31

So every week I buy 80 eggs. He eats 6 eggs per day.

25 litres of milk. We are a family of five so we all have the milk but he uses a lot for his daily protein shakes.

Also lots of frozen chicken and beef for his protein intake.

And he does nothing.

His young brother aged 11 worships him and is starting to behave in the same insolent way.

OP posts:
TwentyThreeFifteen · 23/12/2023 13:32

Snatching his stuff away and hiding it was a knee jerk reaction.
These actions rarely work the way you want them to.
You were blackmailing him ‘do this and you can have it back’ yet now you’ve got MN frothing about him blackmailing you with the work computer. He is only doing exactly what you did to him.

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:32

He has no money to get steroids. Plus in powerlifting you're not allowed to. They get tested for it.

OP posts:
Wolfcub · 23/12/2023 13:33

Ds took my work laptop once. I explained it belonged to my employer not to me. That taking it was theft and if it wasn't returned I would ring the police and report a crime (as required by my employer). That soon resolved the issue. His reason for taking it was similar to your son's

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:33

@TwentyThreeFifteen so what would you suggest?

He was throwing a rugby ball around in the house and refused to stop so I took it off him.

OP posts:
LondonQueen · 23/12/2023 13:34

Sit down with him. Tell him you need the laptop back or you are phoning the police and reporting it as stolen, and that you will be throwing him out. You can't live with him any longer and it sounds like your younger DS is following the same path.

rwalker · 23/12/2023 13:34

He’s 18 your treating him like a kid
just don’t buy the stuff
no lift s ether
too confrontational to take it off him when it’s gone it gone don’t replace it

LauraNorda · 23/12/2023 13:34

Pack his stuff and leave it outside. Call the police if he doesn't go.

ConnieCroydon · 23/12/2023 13:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 13:36

BlastedPimples · 23/12/2023 13:27

He's bigger than me. He is letting me know he can do what he wants because what am I going to do about it?

Honestly, he couldn’t live with me. I couldn’t live like that, he’d have to go.

BornIn78 · 23/12/2023 13:36

So why do you keep buying him stuff?

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 23/12/2023 13:41

He’s the monster you created OP. Nobody ever decided to get off their arse and do chores when they’ve never needed or been expected to before.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/12/2023 13:41

Put him out, this is abusive behaviour, phone the police and report your work laptop as stolen.
He only gets to live there because you allow him to, make sure he knows that.

JaffaCake24 · 23/12/2023 13:42

It’s too far gone to treat him like a toddler.

You need to explain why he needs to help.

Sit him down and explain you are worried about him. That you are exhausted.

But also explain it’s your house and your rules.

Make a list of stuff he needs to do.

Otherwise he moves out within a month.

Say no more protein eggs etc.

Itsgive and take, not all one way,

problem is he’s a man now. It’s a bit late to influence.

What a shame. Have to train them from a young age to help to treat with respect.

tokesqueen · 23/12/2023 13:43

Where's his dad in all this?

JaffaCake24 · 23/12/2023 13:43

Tell him he needs to start paying rent from next month and for all his protein needs.