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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Most 12 year olds are fine to be left alone right?

185 replies

MaxwellCat · 15/07/2023 09:08

Dd is 12 and autistic, also adhd and some learning difficulties. I receive hrc for her due to her needs being so high. I was commenting on another group how sometimes I feel sad that I can’t even leave her alone ever like a NT 12 year old (lone parent dd not in school and it’s very difficult taking her everywhere with me her behaviour isn’t great) and someone commented “why would you even want to leave a 12 year old home alone?!” I mean really? Do parents of NT 12 year olds never leave them alone? Surely 12 is fine to leave alone for short periods of time? (Didn’t say overnight..) the comment bugged me like I was being irresponsible or something.. I don’t think most 12 year olds have babysitters or go to child minders during the day surely?

OP posts:
RoyKentFanclub · 15/07/2023 09:09

No I dont think most people leave 12 year olds alone. Certainly not for any length of time.

JaneAustenshandbag · 15/07/2023 09:11

Yes 12 is fine to leave alone for short periods of time. They usually make their own way to and from school at this age.

Peony654 · 15/07/2023 09:11

I’d think an hour or two would be ok, perhaps at home after school. But not responsible for other younger kids

Chowtime · 15/07/2023 09:12

Most 12 year olds are ok to be left at home for a few hours. Some aren't. Its really just a case of knowing your children. Why care about what other parents do? Maybe they've raised totally imcompetent children who've reached 12 and still can't make themselves a sandwich!

continentallentil · 15/07/2023 09:12

For an hour or two - not all day or all night.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/07/2023 09:13

My 12yo loves having the house to herself!
Shes quite disappointed that one if her "alone" times will have her 10yo sister in it from September (I run a youth group one evening a week and they are now both too old). Her other alone times are when I'm taking 10yo to clubs... hers just happen to be walking distance.

NuffSaidSam · 15/07/2023 09:14

In the real world it's absolutely fine to leave a twelve year around home alone for periods of time.

On Mumsnet, you may find a more mixed response. It's a more cautious than average community here.

Nortam · 15/07/2023 09:14

My 11 year old walks a mile to and from school everyday so will happily leave her at home alone for an hour or 2.

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 15/07/2023 09:15

Yes I stated short periods of time like nipping to the shop / doing the school run etc, no responsibility for other children etc. it doesn’t matter I just don’t like the way I was jumped on for saying it would be nice to be able to leave her alone sometimes as she has to come absolutely everywhere with me and I wouldn’t have thought that would be the case with most NT 12 year olds but was told I was wrong…

OP posts:
EmeraldFox · 15/07/2023 09:15

Many 11 year olds are home alone after school because parents work and there is no wrap around care in secondary school. Of the 12 year olds where this is not necessary I'd say most would still be left for a couple of hours on occasion. Some would be home full days in the holidays because annual leave, extended family, days with friends, will rarely cover it all.

BorneoBound · 15/07/2023 09:15

RoyKentFanclub · 15/07/2023 09:09

No I dont think most people leave 12 year olds alone. Certainly not for any length of time.

Disagree with this entirely. I have a NT 12 yo. I work full time. While I can work from home for part of the week I can't all the time so DD is often coming home to an empty house for a couple of hours. On strike days she has stayed home while I went to work. We keep in touch throughout the day and I have neighbours and my parents who are close by just in case, but no she doesn't need babysitting. This is a very common scenario - what do you think parents who work FT should do when the kids are at secondary? There is no such thing as wrap around care 🙄

WhatNoRaisins · 15/07/2023 09:15

When I was 12 a few hours during the day was very normal. I think a lot of people really baby their children these days.

2reefsin30knots · 15/07/2023 09:16

My 12yo (13 next month) DS gets left regularly. We leave him all day if DH and I have work but he doesn't have school. He's allowed to go out the the shops during that time- we leave him money to go and buy lunch for himself. He's allowed to go and see friends as well.

Nousername4now · 15/07/2023 09:17

No disrespect your daughter has autism and adhd and learning disabilities to the point where she doesn't go to school, my son has autism aswel however he is 3 so I understand a little bit of how difficult it is,back to the point in your case I wouldn't leave your dd unsupervised

Willmafrockfit · 15/07/2023 09:17

my 11 almost 12 at the start of year 7, loved the feeling of being grown up and being home alone, if only for an hour and a half

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 15/07/2023 09:18

Nousername4now · 15/07/2023 09:17

No disrespect your daughter has autism and adhd and learning disabilities to the point where she doesn't go to school, my son has autism aswel however he is 3 so I understand a little bit of how difficult it is,back to the point in your case I wouldn't leave your dd unsupervised

I wasn’t suggesting I was! You’ve misunderstood I was saying how it’s difficult compare to an NT child never being able to leave her alone. I wasn’t for a second suggesting I would!

OP posts:
EmeraldFox · 15/07/2023 09:19

Oh, and DS did a two day expedition with Scouts at 12, similar to DofE but their overnight kit was transported for them. Small groups of children where the oldest was 14.

kraftyKitten · 15/07/2023 09:19

12 is fine for a few hours . I was left at home at 12 when my mum was working. I loved it and would never have played up . Today parents can check in via cameras , phones etc . I think people mollycoddle their kids too much today .

Nousername4now · 15/07/2023 09:19

MaxwellCat · 15/07/2023 09:18

I wasn’t suggesting I was! You’ve misunderstood I was saying how it’s difficult compare to an NT child never being able to leave her alone. I wasn’t for a second suggesting I would!

Show quote history

Ok sorry didn't mean to upset you

supersonicginandtonic · 15/07/2023 09:21

Plenty of my colleagues and myself included have left 12 year olds at home whilst we work. It's imposible sometimes not too, there's no childcare for that age group

GloriousSludge · 15/07/2023 09:21

I leave my 12yo home all day while I’m at work. No childcare for this age and local clubs only run in state school holidays. She meets up with friends or grandparents or takes herself to the library.

She’s also travelling to school and other activities independently by public transport.

Before anyone leaps on me - she texts on leaving / getting to places, I check each evening what her plans are, we have local back up if she needed it and I try to make up for the boring and slightly lonely days at home on the days I don’t work.

KevinDeBrioche · 15/07/2023 09:21

Of course it’s fine. I was taking my six year old sister to school when I was 12 and we were home alone for a few hours after school every day until one of our parents got back from work.

sorry things are hard for you OP

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 15/07/2023 09:22

Just to clarify again I am not saying I was be leaving her home alone and do not. I commented on a post on an autism Facebook page to sympathise with someone who said they are struggling and I mentioned struggling with my daughter and not being able to leave her alone for a second and this is when the comment was made about why I would even want to leave a 12 year old alone 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Anewuser · 15/07/2023 09:23

It’s because parents of nt children really can’t understand what you mean.

I understand. Most 12 year olds are walking themselves to school, to the shops, round to their friends. You can’t leave your child to do any of those things by themselves.

Duvetdweller · 15/07/2023 09:23

I agrée with you OP. If an NT 12 year old isn’t ok to be left for a decent amount of time and able to sort lunch out for themselves I’d be more concerned. And yes I’ve had 2 of them quite recently.