Most 12 year olds are fine to be left alone right?

[MaxwellCat]

Dd is 12 and autistic, also adhd and some learning difficulties. I receive hrc for her due to her needs being so high. I was commenting on another group how sometimes I feel sad that I can’t even leave her alone ever like a NT 12 year old (lone parent dd not in school and it’s very difficult taking her everywhere with me her behaviour isn’t great) and someone commented “why would you even want to leave a 12 year old home alone?!” I mean really? Do parents of NT 12 year olds never leave them alone? Surely 12 is fine to leave alone for short periods of time? (Didn’t say overnight..) the comment bugged me like I was being irresponsible or something.. I don’t think most 12 year olds have babysitters or go to child minders during the day surely?

I left both my DDs alone at 12, never overnight or late evenings but definitely during the day. They liked having the house to themselves!

Yep, my just turned 11 year old would often get home from secondary school an hour or so before whoever was picking up the younger one from primary school club got in. And would absolutely leave an NT child of that age to go to the shops etc.

She can not travel anywhere alone either

Entirely depends on how responsible they are. I was left home alone from the age of 10 because I was trusted. Never for very long though

I wouldn't leave a 12yo to go on a night out, but daytime absolutely fine. We are all different though op, we all have different experiences, live in different areas and have dc with different needs. Don't take any notice of anyone else's opinions op, none of us with nt children could possibly begin to understand your circumstances, and of course you are going to be restricted in ways we couldn't imagine.

I was coming on to talk about this as well.

How do children learn to deal with being alone and deal with any problems if they don't get to practise? They don't suddenly learn these skills by virtue of being 18.

I have an 11yo nearly 12 and would and do leave her for short bursts (nipping to the supermarket, taking her brother to a class, later in than she is from the school run).

Surely we are supposed to drip feed them independence and learning responsibilities like this? Holding back on it is a disservice to them.

My eldest was fine for a couple of hours from 12. My youngest diagnosed ASC is not. Most parents of NT kids I know leave their 11+ kids home alone for up to a few hours whilst working.

My 10/11 year old has ADHD we have started to leave her for short periods. Rules have been set and We Have good neighbours. I don't really worry too much about her being at home, she's not allowed to cook when no one is here so I make sure there is cold snacks. We Needed to try and prepare her for secondary school as there is no wrap around care.

My 11 yr olds end of yr 6 I can leave him for an hour or so. From yr 7 there is no childcare. He will be ok all day with his very sensible 14 yr old sister but no way could he cope all day on his own. He has ASD but no learning difficulties. Is very sensible and rule bound but has alot of anxiety. Where I live they can't get anywhere to go out so no worries on that score.

You've got the double whammy there of also being a single adult household. I think many people in dual adult households don't fully understand how much juggling that can involve.

I suspect that anyone saying that 12 year olds shouldn't be left alone either doesn't have a 12 year old or doesn't have a full time job.

I hear you - I have an 11 yo and do leave him for short periods which you can't do. When I say short periods I mean I will leave him to take his sister to a dance class or pick her up again, or I will leave him to go to the local shop for a pint of milk - all these things take 10-15 mins max and I'm still close to home, but it's easier for me than if I had to make him get his shoes on and get in the car every time for such a small errand. If I was driving across town or out for longer I'd make him come with. I anticipate he will gradually be able to be left for longer by increments.

My 12 year old is perfectly fine home alone for an hour or two.

Dh and I had to work through Covid. Our Y7's (just turned 12) and Y10 stayed home alone for mornings until 1pm. We have good friends and neighbours.

YANBU at all, childcare doesn't exist from 11 onwards.

Blimey, 12 year old ds is left alone at home all the time!! He loves it. He's even been home in the evening alone - although I felt a bit uncomfortable with that which is irrational really. Amd he was fine.

My 13 year old has been home alone for an hour or two after school since starting secondary school. There is no childcare available for children of that age so if you work outside the home then there's not much alternative. Since turning 13 she stays at home for Inset days too. I sympathise as it makes it so hard to work if you have a ND child who cannot be left.

A couple of hours is fine all day is not, unpaid parental leave exsists for a reason. School isn't childcare surely covid taught you that.

Yep. My DS wasn't quite 12 when I left him home alone all day for the first time, from about 7.30 until 5. (My school that I worked in was back and his school were off).

Yes most 12 year olds are left alone. You can't get a babysitter. They may go to family and friends for company though.

My dd recently turned 12. She walks from school to the bus stop in x town, takes the public bus home and walks home. I’m home an hour after her. She does this probably once a week on her own, the rest of the time she’s with her ds14. She has her phone on her and messaged me whilst I’m at work.
I know that if I need to go to the supermarket I can leave her on her own.

My DC have been left alone for 6 hours, possibly more at the age of 12 during school holidays. I didn't especially like it but if I'm working it is often the only option.

OP is correct. There are no hard and fast rules about when you can leave children alone. A family law barrister explained to me a few years ago (during a child custody family law court case - not mine) that’s it’s all about the context: time of day, maturity of child, length of time alone, where they and you are plus other factors like learning difficulties etc.
It's a slow transition from being a totally helpless child to a fully responsible adult; leaving a 12 year old home alone for a couple of hours in the right circumstances should not be a problem. I want to leave my 12 year old alone because as well as being logistically convenient, it’s building her confidence to deal with the world.

Unpaid parental leave typically is available in blocks of one week, with notice, and which the business can ask to be moved to a different time if inconvenient.

For the strikes, it was often not clear until the day or the night before which schools or classes would be closed.

Schools are not childcare, but they are absolutely where children are expected to be 9-3 each day of term time and the benefits system is set up around this.