Most 12 year olds are fine to be left alone right?

[MaxwellCat]

Dd is 12 and autistic, also adhd and some learning difficulties. I receive hrc for her due to her needs being so high. I was commenting on another group how sometimes I feel sad that I can’t even leave her alone ever like a NT 12 year old (lone parent dd not in school and it’s very difficult taking her everywhere with me her behaviour isn’t great) and someone commented “why would you even want to leave a 12 year old home alone?!” I mean really? Do parents of NT 12 year olds never leave them alone? Surely 12 is fine to leave alone for short periods of time? (Didn’t say overnight..) the comment bugged me like I was being irresponsible or something.. I don’t think most 12 year olds have babysitters or go to child minders during the day surely?

Your children aren't fundamentally different from city children though, are they? If a 12-year-old in the city has the maturity to get themselves to school then a 12-year-old in the country should have the maturity to stay in the house by themselves.

When I was 12 the kids from the villages got to school without parents on the bus or the train, and I was going for walks in the countryside alone. Being rural doesn't mean you need an adult around 24:7.

I am curious to understand why some posters say their children are ok for a few hours but not all day - genuinely interested because I think I would assume that there wasn't much difference between being alone for an afternoon and a whole day.

Reading these posts there's a lot of variation isn't there? Most leave children aged 12, but often only for an hour or two. Some aren't left at all and some are left all day. Some 10 year olds are left and 13 year olds at night.

Oh I know. Some people were asking why on earth children couldn't stay in the house as they're walking to school etc at that age. Just challenging the assumption that all 12 year olds are making their own way to school. Not my.kids or their friends experience at all.

Most NT 12 year olds should be fine being left alone for a few hours, the whole day even if needed, if they are raised in a way to prepare them for that. But it seems in the UK that a lot of parents aren't fine with it, too scared of possible problems perhaps.

NT usually means not autistic or ADHD or similar, it doesn't mean nothing else is going on such as a past traumatic experience or a mental health condition like anxiety. It's unusual to not be ready to stay home alone at all at 12.

The NSPCC don't recommend leaving children under 12 alone (particularly for any longer period). After this they say it depends on the comfort of the child as they develop at different rates. They also recommend adult supervision for children in the 6 -12 year old age group who are walking to school.

@Marynotsocontrary

I think that was due to road safety. Apparently you can only really cross the road safely after the age of 12 due to reaction times etc.

Road safety sounds like a very good reason for the recommendation.

Maybe, but just had a read of the NSPCC website and am confident I'm making the right decision. They emphasise that kids develop at their own pace and not to leave a child until they are ready. They don't recommend leaving a child under 12.

DD has just turned 12 (a week ago) and isn't quite ready. Even if the majority are, that doesn’t mean she's abnormal, there will always be a range and that is normal in itself. No trauma or any issues thanks.

To be honest some of the answers on here seem quite out of step with NSPCC advice.

People leave their children younger than the "recommended" 12years out of necessity not choice though. Should my 10yo give up her sport or should my 11yo not have time to do her homework for example. Should I leave my 11yo sleeping for 10 minutes while I collect the 10yo from a school trip at 10pm or wake up and take her with me. Should I stop running the Youth group just because my own children are now too old or trust they are OK 10mins walk away with a neighbour next door?

If they were unhappy it would be different.

My 10yo nearly dropped me in though this weekend as she informed her teacher that I was away for the weekend, her sister had Scout camp but she had no plans. She left out the vital bit that her "no plans" included being at her grandparents house!

Maybe your 12yo isn't ok to be left for the day - that's your call. Mine is. I think there are enough posts on here to show I am not remotely alone. What about school holidays? Kids have 13 weeks holidays, the standard working annual leave allowance is 4 weeks. Everyone should take 9 weeks unpaid parental leave should they?

To be honest some of the answers on here seem quite out of step with NSPCC advice.
The NSPCC advice is quite out of step with the realities of children starting secondary school at 11 with no wrap around care available and of most parents having to work full time.

If a child needs to be get themselves home, let themselves in with their own key, then stay home alone after school up to five days a week at as young as just turned 11, then they would need to work up to this by being left for short periods at 10.

I thought it was a total of 18 weeks with a maximum of four per year? If a lone parent has four weeks leave then it's impossible to cover 13 weeks.

Of course most NT 12 year olds can be left alone for short periods..

Even the recent NSPCC guidance - which is bound to err on the side of caution - was happy with that.

What parents of NT children can do is build up the time, as has been suggested. No-one is talking about popping off for a City break and leaving them home alone.

Of course most NT 12 year olds can be left alone for short periods.

How short is short though?

Answers here are ranging from '15 mins' to 'an hour' to a few hours after school to all day or even alone overnight at 13...

Big difference between 15 mins and alone overnight at 13.

And yes I take the point about building up the time, but buliding up to overnights at 13 is much too far too fast in my opinion.

The NSPCC need to move to liviy in the real world. There are 180 year 7s (ie mostly 11yos) at our local school and not a single one is accompanied to school by a parent past the first day or two. That is the norm in pretty much every urban area in the country.

*live

I leave my 12 year old, I have to work over the summer, no clubs available to her.
She's sensible and mature.
I think it's good to promote independence.
My daughter can make food for herself, get her slept sinner if needed etc

Exactly @Doopydoor

Can you imagine the life of any Yr7 whose Mummy walked them to the door.......

And yet the number of child pedestrians killed or injured peaks at age 11, followed by age 12, then age 14 and 13, then 10. Numbers fall dramatically as unaccompanied children get older.
It's almost like the NSPCC knows something you don't...

Or almost like too many dc haven't been given the experience of walking anywhere alone prior to that, or even being allowed to make the judgement call of when to cross, at a young age when the parent is there to grab them if they get it wrong whilst learning.
Really not doing children any favours to not let them do anything before they are teenagers.

I agree. It would peak at whatever age most children were first walking regularly alone, it's down to a mix of maturity (including things like height and brain development) and experience. I wonder what the numbers look like in countries where they start walking to school without adults at a younger age?

It does beg the question, what is it about uk kids that make them so much less capable than those in other countries. Do we ferry them about too much. Many local schools round here , well if you were to look at the admissions data many schools don't have many outside of a mile to school. Sometimes the distances are left. So that's nearly everyone at a walking distance. So why so many cars at schools...why aren't the kids walking? How do we expect them to get to secondary school on a bus or bike or walking if parents won't even let them.walk to school from yr 5 onwards.