Most 12 year olds are fine to be left alone right?

[MaxwellCat]

Dd is 12 and autistic, also adhd and some learning difficulties. I receive hrc for her due to her needs being so high. I was commenting on another group how sometimes I feel sad that I can’t even leave her alone ever like a NT 12 year old (lone parent dd not in school and it’s very difficult taking her everywhere with me her behaviour isn’t great) and someone commented “why would you even want to leave a 12 year old home alone?!” I mean really? Do parents of NT 12 year olds never leave them alone? Surely 12 is fine to leave alone for short periods of time? (Didn’t say overnight..) the comment bugged me like I was being irresponsible or something.. I don’t think most 12 year olds have babysitters or go to child minders during the day surely?

Yes an hour or two is fine at 12

My dd was fine by herself for a couple of hours at that age. On the other hand, some of her friends couldn't have been trusted to be left alone for more than 5 minutes without doing something silly.

The fact that there is so little childcare available for 11 years and up makes it fairly clear that most 12 year olds are left alone sometimes.

I consider myself quite cautious but leave my 12 year old at home to get shopping taxi around my other child etc. Ddad told me off for this but he used to leave me in charge of my siblings at the same age at night whilst he was at the pub!

How much longer should we leave it if they are capable?!

In my opinion, schools being closed to most students taught us that school is childcare. DS was allowed to attend as I was an essential worker outside of the home. If school holidays are 13 weeks, plus inset days, paid annual leave 4 weeks if you are a lone parent, then will unpaid parental leave really cover the rest?

Since the start of year 7, my 11 year old has been getting herself to school, letting herself in after school and sometimes alone for an hour or two until someone gets back from work (sometimes older sibling is there, sometimes not). She stayed at home for a couple of school Information evenings involving older sibling, they were a couple of hours.
She was alone all day for some of the recent school strike days, (but kept me updated by text.)
She was absolutely fine.

I wouldn’t leave her alone overnight, but that’s because I think she would be lonely/nervous, not because I wouldn’t trust her.

I thought I was pretty cautious actually, really surprised other people wouldn’t leave a 12 yo alone!

At age 12 I remember once babysitting some children who lived nearby (aged 4,2 and a baby) - only as an one off for an hour or two - and having to call my mum because I was struggling at changing the baby’s nappy. So yeah, at this age, was definitely left on my own for periods! Then at age 13 I was babysitting regularly (older children).

Plenty leave 12 year olds at home whilst they work. I know mine certainly had the common sense to get by at that age.

When DD1 was in y7, aged 11 for almost the whole academic year, she would be home alone every day from 3:15 til 4:15 while I was collecting DD2. It was fine.

12 year olds should be fine on their own for a few hours. Mine came home from school to an empty house at that age and spent the holidays with a mixture of home alone or with grandparents or friends to break it up a bit.

Childcare for 12 year olds is ridiculous if they’re NT …. surely they’d be embarrassed!

Out of interest, what do parents working full time do regarding childcare for older children in holidays? I assume holiday clubs only go up to a certain age. My DS is only 3 at the moment so I have no idea.

I was baby sitting for neighbours when I was 12.

Yes, totally understand how you feel and it is normal to leave a NT 11/12 year old alone at times. My eldest is ASD with Anxiety/Depression and whilst I can leave him at home alone now (nearly 18), his younger NT brother could be reliably left long before he could be.

My NT 12 year old isn't ready to be left alone yet for any length of time really.

I get what you mean and yes most people could pop to the shops etc and leave their 12 year old for short periods of time. I used to baby sit neighbours kids for whole days when I was 12 but not sure that would happen now!

some clubs near us go to 13 (ie they can go in the summer of year 8) - after that, PGL is possible or you just make it up (easier with more WFH)

My 2 (12 &13) can be at home for a period of time together or separately. Not for a long time like a full day but a morning or few hours in afternoon. There were times one would want to go somewhere and the other didn’t. They are quite happy on devices or whatever and call if they need anything. I don’t go massively far away either.

Our plan is a mix of annual leave, WFH while they entertain themselves, going to stay with family, spending time with friends and staying at home alone

I leave my 12 yr old alone regularly. Never for more than a few hours but he is totally fine .. he knows granny is 10 mins away or he can phone us. He is sensible and responsible

Yes most NT 12 year olds should he able to he left home alone.

Mn is weird. In many other countries 12 + year olds would be cooking for the family or babysitting siblings etc yet on MN your neighbours want to call Ss cos you dare to have a job.

I feel for you op high school is an age where ot should become easier. You can leave your kid to sort themselves out. No more school runs, you can stop rushing about panicking about traffic on the way to work etc I cant imagine having to keep going with the stress of having to arrange childcare etc 💐

And yes I'm in the camp of "if your 12 year old can't be left alone , make some toast or pasta for lunch and call grandad/grandma in an emergency then something is realky wrong with them"

How are you meant to feed them if you cant work. Its unrealistic to stay home with the. I can only think those that insist on it just like being martyrs. When in reality you could go for a run or swim or walk the dog or whatever if you wanted to.

I took holiday mostly as odd days so DS wasn't home alone for longer than three days at a time. A few days in a row with the weekend for a holiday, three days after Christmas when my workplace was closed. He went on Scout summer camp for one week. He met friends some days.

OP I also have a 12yo with ASD but she has lower support needs than yours.

She travels to and from school independently on the bus, and I've left her at home for short periods whilst I've popped to the shop, 15 mins or so. Haven't left her at home for an extended period but that's just because I haven't needed to iykwim. I'd leave her here for an hour or so if I had to.

My point is that if some children with ASD can be left alone at 12 then you're right that most NT 12yos certainly could be.

I would leave my 2 eldest at 12 on their own all day but not my youngest who’s disabled.
I think if a non disabled 12 year old is well behaved, taught independence etc then they’d be fine for 8 hours on their own.

From 11 when they start high school most people no longer have childcare for after school etc. The majority are fine to be alone as they travel to school or go out with friends.

Why is that do you think? What do you think would happen if they were left alone?