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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager refusing to come on holiday

231 replies

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 08:40

Hi I am a mum of 3. Oldest DS 18 this year. Me his dad and 2 younger siblings age 16,12 going on holiday this year. Spain for 10 days. We booked for just the four of us as oldest was working and couldn’t get time off but now he can so were going to add him in. He is point blank refusing to come ! He said it’s embarrassing going on holiday would rather go with his friends( was meant to be going but got stopped as can’t trust him. Long story) I feel so hurt that the boy I brought up in a loving and close family acting like this! I’m really upset as is his dad. He’s a totally different boy to the one I bring up. My mum will be house sitting anyway as we have the dog so she will be able to keep an eye on him. Is this normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 20/04/2023 08:41

Yep. I’ve got one the same.

FrenchandSaunders · 20/04/2023 08:42

Very normal! He’s 18!! Why didn’t he go away with his mates? How did you stop him?

Wc100423 · 20/04/2023 08:44

Absolutely normal 18 year old behavior my DC is going on holiday with his mates end of August because he only turns 18 the last week in August so they’ve all waited for him to be able to get into clubs etc. He may or may not want to come on hoody’s with us again the doors always open but I would not stress or be offended if he didn’t.

Parker231 · 20/04/2023 08:45

At 18 DT’s stopped coming on family holidays unless it was somewhere they were interested in going to. They were happy to come to Australia but didn’t want to come with us to the family holiday home in France.
At 18, they finished their A levels and then went to Ibiza with friends.

Kranke · 20/04/2023 08:45

He’s 18!! Why did you stop him going away with his friends? I stopped going away with my parents around 16 and went with friends/boyfriends.

Moopyhereagain · 20/04/2023 08:45

Yes completely normal. Mine are 25 & 18 now. Eldest has long term gf, only wants to holiday with her, stopped wanting to come on family holidays about 17. It’s no fun having a reluctant older teen with you anyway. 18 yr old would not want that at all now, would find it super boring. When asked he would come if we went to (fairly randomly) Lebanon or Japan. And we are all super close, it’s just a shift in dynamics. Bigger issue why you don’t trust 18yr old to be home alone. I think sometimes the oldest gets lumped in with younger siblings and how they have changed and pulled away gets missed or seen as an issue

Stripycatz · 20/04/2023 08:46

Very normal. My ds refused to come on a holiday, but was so bored and regretted it when they saw the photos. They've come on every holiday since and I'm now wondering if we'll ever manage to a holiday on our own again! 😁

TrashyPanda · 20/04/2023 08:47

Totally normal

hes 18. You can’t stop him going away with his mates

2chocolateoranges · 20/04/2023 08:47

Ds stopped coming on holiday with us at 17. However instead of staying in the UK last year we went abroad and he came with us. He was 21. Anything for a free holiday in the sunshine.

CrapBucket · 20/04/2023 08:47

Teenagers are often awful on holiday! Although my 18 yo just told me he would like to go on a family holiday this summer with me and his sister. Hmm the sister you never speak to unless you have to?

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 20/04/2023 08:50

Blimey, I stopped going on family holidays around the age of 15. Hated them and have never done one since. My parents idea of a holiday and mine are very different.

He’s 18 - how on earth are you going to stop him from going away with his mates?!

UndercoverCop · 20/04/2023 08:52

He's 18 how can you stop him going away with friends? He's an adult.
No wonder he doesn't want to come on holiday of you treat him like a child.
At that age I didn't go on holiday with family too busy with friends.

savoycabbage · 20/04/2023 08:52

Is this normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

No. It's not normal for a parent to stop an eighteen year old from going on holiday with his friends.

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 08:53

Is this a joke?

He's a young adult with his own job. If he doesn't fancy holidaying with you, what's the big deal?

OnaBegonia · 20/04/2023 08:53

He's 18, works and you're stopping him from going away with friends? no wonder he doesn't want to come with you, he's not a little child.

LittleBrenda · 20/04/2023 08:53

The good news in now your mum won't need to house sit.

shivawn · 20/04/2023 08:54

I had absolutely no interest at going on family holidays at 18. That's an age when your friends are so important to you and you want to be doing fun stuff with them. At 18 I'd moved out of home and wouldn't have even thought to run it past my parents before booking a holiday with friends.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 20/04/2023 08:55

I'll be honest I had the option to go on holiday with my parents and younger sister when I was 18 and I didnt go, my sister took a friend instead.

Amazongirl9 · 20/04/2023 08:56

Perfectly normal for an 18year old not to want to go on a family holiday. But he’s also an adult. How can you stop him going on holiday with his friends?

MermaidEyes · 20/04/2023 08:56

Perfectly normal at that age. My 19 year old is still happy to come away with us but that's because we do holidays she wants to go on. If she didn't we would happily leave her at home. She has also been away with friends. It does sound like you have a trust problem with him though which needs addressing.

Floofydawg · 20/04/2023 08:56

Well that'll save you a fair bit of money then!

My DD travelled SE Asia on her own the week after she turned 18. Why are you saying you won't allow him to go on holiday with his mates?

EggInANest · 20/04/2023 08:57

Normal!

If course he wants to go on holiday with his friends.

He should be going on holiday with friends! Stopping him will damage your relationship.

My young adults go on holiday with friends / girlfriends, but will still do a short family holiday if they fancy it.

rainyalan · 20/04/2023 08:58

He's 18 legally an adult, you can't stop him from going on holiday. I was 16 when I went on my first girls holiday with no parents.

CandyflossKid · 20/04/2023 08:59

When I was 18, I couldn't think of anything worse than going on holiday with my parents to be honest.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 20/04/2023 09:01

The 18yo? I thought you were going to say the 16yo.

Of course it’s fine he doesn’t want to come - it is a bit cringy and embarrassing for him. Let’s face it.

I stopped going on family holidays at 17 and started again at 20/21 when I realised it was a free holiday and why wouldn’t I?! But that intervening period I wouldn’t have been caught dead holidaying with my family.