Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager refusing to come on holiday

231 replies

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 08:40

Hi I am a mum of 3. Oldest DS 18 this year. Me his dad and 2 younger siblings age 16,12 going on holiday this year. Spain for 10 days. We booked for just the four of us as oldest was working and couldn’t get time off but now he can so were going to add him in. He is point blank refusing to come ! He said it’s embarrassing going on holiday would rather go with his friends( was meant to be going but got stopped as can’t trust him. Long story) I feel so hurt that the boy I brought up in a loving and close family acting like this! I’m really upset as is his dad. He’s a totally different boy to the one I bring up. My mum will be house sitting anyway as we have the dog so she will be able to keep an eye on him. Is this normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
HamBone · 20/04/2023 23:21

It’s very normal not to want to go on holiday with your family in your late teens. I didn’t go away with mine from 15-18, but I did join in an exciting family holiday at 19 as I wanted to see the location! My two ( nearly 18 and 14) will travel with us if they want to go to the destination, but we’re fine if the eldest doesn’t want to, she’ll be an adult this year and going to university.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/04/2023 02:10

Irritateandunreasonable · 20/04/2023 19:10

Write the first post properly and people wouldn’t jump to conclusions.

Show quote history

Absolutely 👍

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/04/2023 02:11

RobinaHood · 20/04/2023 23:16

There are a cohort of posters who pretend all teens drink, take drugs, have sex and hate spending time with their parents. No idea where they live or what teens they know. They sound a bit a lot like groomers.

Jesus Christ - do you say these things to yourself in your brain first?

Original poster
Hairbaby · 21/04/2023 08:05

@MALJA thank you for your kind words! Had a tear in my eye!

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 08:10

@Hairbaby

I wouldn’t go.

He almost died a few weeks ago. I just couldn’t relax.
Added to which - you will come back to a party trashed house!

Seeline · 21/04/2023 08:16

OP - your original post clearly says he is 18.

How old is he?

Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 08:22

Seeline · 21/04/2023 08:16

OP - your original post clearly says he is 18.

How old is he?

Clearly says he’s 17.

just read it carefully

Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 08:24

But after him nearly DYING I cant let him go to Ibiza incase that happens again

I am just baffled then why you’d be ok with you going abroad and leaving him alone in this country. The country where he took the drug and almost died

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/04/2023 08:25

Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 08:24

But after him nearly DYING I cant let him go to Ibiza incase that happens again

I am just baffled then why you’d be ok with you going abroad and leaving him alone in this country. The country where he took the drug and almost died

This is what I didn't get.

Unless you're with him 247 (which is impossible), you will never know for definite what he does when you're not around.

Lostinmiddleage · 21/04/2023 08:27

RobinaHood · 20/04/2023 23:16

There are a cohort of posters who pretend all teens drink, take drugs, have sex and hate spending time with their parents. No idea where they live or what teens they know. They sound a bit a lot like groomers.

Yes! I don’t know any teens like this! Mine aren’t and none of their friends are!

Sweetleftfood · 21/04/2023 09:03

I feel a bit sad about my 16 year old may have his last holiday with us this summer, we went away at Easter (Nothing fancy, static caravan park) and he loved it but hinted the he may not want to come next Easter, which is fair enough I guess but it's so annoying missing out on 2 summers due to COVID.

I don't think you should force an 18 year old to come on family holiday, unless you could afford to invite a friend of his or something

greyhairnomore · 21/04/2023 09:36

Seeline · 21/04/2023 08:16

OP - your original post clearly says he is 18.

How old is he?

It says he's 18 this year. He's still 17.

Irritateandunreasonable · 21/04/2023 12:37

Oldest ds 18 this year.

is or was, it’s a guessing game 🤣

Irritateandunreasonable · 21/04/2023 12:37

Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 08:22

Clearly says he’s 17.

just read it carefully

Show quote history

clearly is debatable.

Beetrootlover82 · 21/04/2023 17:03

Irritateandunreasonable · 21/04/2023 12:37

clearly is debatable.

Show quote history

And if any doubt, the OP goes on to confirm 17. MULTIPLE TIMES!! 😂

Blueflower1612 · 21/04/2023 20:32

i think it’s perfectly normal to prefer to be with your fitness at that age . To be honest I am quite surprised that you are so shocked that he doesn’t want to come with you. He is an adult and therefore can make his own choices.

HamBone · 21/04/2023 22:14

Tbh, you have two separate issues here. First, you wondered whether it was uncommon for 17–year-olds to be be uninterested in going on family holidays-many posters have confirmed that it’s pretty typical.

The second issue is your fear that he’ll try drugs again after having a near-fatal experience. If he hasn’t learned from that experience, he could do it again anytime and any place. Rather than worry about him going away with his mates (and you won’t be able to stop him once he’s legally an adult), reiterate what happened and that he mustn’t take that risk again. Only he can really protect himself from taking anything.

GirlsAndPenguins · 21/04/2023 22:32

I’m 33 and call my Mum every day in the way to work, she’s my best friend. My husband thinks we are mental!
When I was 18 my Mum and Stepdad offered to take me abroad…I asked for the money towards a trip to Malia with my friends, which is where I went! Up until finishing uni they would often give me money towards going on (quite frankly alcohol induced, raving, crazy clubbing) with my friends while they would holiday in more classy destinations alone! I did work and cover some of the costs obviously. We have always had a good relationship and my Mum always said it was natural for me to want to holiday and go out with my friends.
Now at 33 they are going away 5* all inclusive tomorrow and I bloody wish they would still offer to take me 🤣

SharpLily · 21/04/2023 22:52

Lostinmiddleage · 21/04/2023 08:27

Yes! I don’t know any teens like this! Mine aren’t and none of their friends are!

Show quote history

I can't work out if this reply is supposed to be sarcasm or not.

Are you Amish?

Lostinmiddleage · 21/04/2023 23:53

SharpLily · 21/04/2023 22:52

I can't work out if this reply is supposed to be sarcasm or not.

Are you Amish?

Show quote history

What?! Because young teens I know aren’t running around getting drunk, having sex, taking drugs and like going on expensive holidays with their families I’m Amish?! How absurd!

Sj07 · 22/04/2023 03:45

I think it's perfectly normal that at 18 he would rather go away with friends than parents/younger siblings. But there are obviously other issues going on. Could you perhaps offer a compromise? If you don't quite trust him to go away on his own with friends could you offer to allow one of his friends to come along with you? If a friend is able to pay for themselves. Get them their own room and allow them some freedom while also being there in case something goes wrong? He might find that more embarrassing... Or he might appreciate the little bit of freedom? Worth a try

TheBirdintheCave · 22/04/2023 07:45

@Lostinmiddleage I'm with you.

evanmow · 22/04/2023 07:50

Perfectly normal. Our teenager stopped coming with us at 17 now at nearly 25 he & his gf join us when its a place or time that suits them...At what point do you start trusting them if not now? At 18 he is an adult.

SharpLily · 22/04/2023 08:17

Lostinmiddleage · 21/04/2023 23:53

What?! Because young teens I know aren’t running around getting drunk, having sex, taking drugs and like going on expensive holidays with their families I’m Amish?! How absurd!

Show quote history

Really? You have teens yourself but you don't know any teenagers who want to try drinking or taking drugs or having sex? None?

No, I'm sorry but that is thoroughly absurd.

MumsDebt · 22/04/2023 10:54

If your "adult" kids don't come away with you any more, do they stay at home on their own?

I only ask as a PP has mentioned parties and police being called and this would worry me too!