Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager refusing to come on holiday

231 replies

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 08:40

Hi I am a mum of 3. Oldest DS 18 this year. Me his dad and 2 younger siblings age 16,12 going on holiday this year. Spain for 10 days. We booked for just the four of us as oldest was working and couldn’t get time off but now he can so were going to add him in. He is point blank refusing to come ! He said it’s embarrassing going on holiday would rather go with his friends( was meant to be going but got stopped as can’t trust him. Long story) I feel so hurt that the boy I brought up in a loving and close family acting like this! I’m really upset as is his dad. He’s a totally different boy to the one I bring up. My mum will be house sitting anyway as we have the dog so she will be able to keep an eye on him. Is this normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
qazxc · 20/04/2023 11:05

It's entirely normal and healthy for him to want independence and to pick his own holidays as he becomes an adult.
Do not take it as a rejection of you, it's a sign of him growing into an independent adult. If you were to make him go on the holiday, nobody would enjoy themselves, not him and not anyone else because he would be stroppy and sulking.
I understand that you have had a shock and it might make you want to cling tighter to him, but surely this was a wake call to him too and he won't be repeating that mistake.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 20/04/2023 11:06

Totally normal, get a grip honestly

kitsuneghost · 20/04/2023 11:09

Yeah. 18 is too old to go on holiday to Spain with Mum and Dad
I get it if it was a lifetime trip to Japan or something but at 18 most young adults would be going to the party resorts with friends

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 11:11

kitsuneghost · 20/04/2023 11:09

Yeah. 18 is too old to go on holiday to Spain with Mum and Dad
I get it if it was a lifetime trip to Japan or something but at 18 most young adults would be going to the party resorts with friends

It is not too old to holiday with mum and dad

It is too old to force the 18 year old to holiday with mum and dad

Luckyduc · 20/04/2023 11:14

Perfectly normal behaviour.....what will you be doing on holiday?

I hate lying by a pool in Spain....I'd be bored and would rather be at work.....but I do like city breaks....so maybe your son just doesn't fancy the place you're going.

But don't stop him going on holiday with his mates, he's an adult.

Now I'm older my parents come on my holidays with my kid and husband, so he might too once he's at a different stage in his life. Right now tho, he wants to have fun. Be glad he doesn't watch to ditch the job and travel the world and live in hostels for a year.

Kennykenkencat · 20/04/2023 11:14

I think the confusion is saying drugs are bad

Yes drugs can have an adverse affect on people, get them addicted and negatively affect their life. The problem is as he has found out that until you take them you don’t know the adverse affects they will have on your body and how you will react.
Also the drugs you get you don’t really know what is in them. How they have been made.

Dd knows a few people who do coke

To most it is a party drug to dance away the night.
My Dd has never done coke but read about the affects it has on people with ADHD and just thinks it is pointless her taking it.

She did however point someone in the direction of an ADHD assessment when she was talking to him and he told her after taking coke, whilst his friends were partying he sat down and applied for a load of jobs and ended up getting nearly all of them.

Another friend (Also ADHD) cleaned the hosts flat after taking coke at a house party

gogohmm · 20/04/2023 11:22

My DD's stopped at that age, totally normal. They only now want to come if it's something they really want to do and I'm paying!

Kennykenkencat · 20/04/2023 11:23

Dd goes away with her friends but also comes on holiday with us.

Now dc are older it is a different type of holiday and we go to more adult places

Willowthecrisp · 20/04/2023 11:26

I wasn’t interested in going on family holidays from the age of 16. We have a good relationship (and love my parents coming on holiday with me now as they are great with my kids)

WandaWonder · 20/04/2023 11:28

My child is a couple of years off 18, it is up to him if he comes with us or not

He will be offered and we will pay for him but his choice fully

Stomacharmeleon · 20/04/2023 11:34

I understand where your coming from but...
You would hope the thing stopping your son from doing a pill again would be the adverse reaction he had from the last one. Not your reaction. He could easily purchase whilst your away and do it locally.

He is nearly an adult. I think you have to hope he has learnt his lesson and relinquish the reins a bit.
I have three sons and I have also learnt not to be mortally offended by their actions. If he wants to stay let him stay and go and have fun.

clpsmum · 20/04/2023 11:40

FrenchandSaunders · 20/04/2023 08:42

Very normal! He’s 18!! Why didn’t he go away with his mates? How did you stop him?

This. He's an adult it's not your place to stop him going away with his pals. Why on earth is your mum house sitting when your 18yr old will be there

GreekGod · 20/04/2023 11:41

Very normal. We have 3 DC , eldest is 19, then 17 and 15. The 19 year old is coming with us to Rome as a family of 5 which makes me very happy and trying to make the most of it as I’m sure that will change very very soon.

clpsmum · 20/04/2023 11:42

Op I appreciate that must be a terrifying experience but if he wants to experiment he will. It's not up to you to stop an adult from going on holiday. Hope he's learnt his lesson

PippaF2 · 20/04/2023 11:42

Super normal. When he's circa 21-25yrs, he'll come back round again.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 20/04/2023 11:44

Normal for lots of teens. Ours is still happy to come with us but I stopped going with my parents at 17.

ToWhitToWhoo · 20/04/2023 11:48

I thought this would be about a 13 or 14 year old who couldn't easily be left on his own. At 17 or 18, he can stay on his own, especially if grandmother is looking in from time to time, so it's not a big practical problem.

I don't think it's fair to be hurt that he doesn't want to join a family holiday. Many young people of this age aren't into family holidays; it's normal.

I wonder if there is some bigger concern behind this- you state that you couldn't trust him if he went on holiday with his friends. Is that just because you think he's too young, or has he been showing behavioural problems/ mixing in 'bad company'? If so, that may be a real worry, but not just his avoiding the family holiday,

ToWhitToWhoo · 20/04/2023 11:53

Ah, I've now read the full thread and can see why you're worried. I hope that he has learned his lesson about the dangers of drugs. But just because of that experience, he might (however unfairly) see your wanting to take him with you, not just as boring but as an actual punishment. I would advise against pushing it.

sweetgingercat · 20/04/2023 11:55

I stopped going on holiday with my family at about 18 (to go interrailing with mates) and started going on holiday again with them when I was about 30. I even shared a hotel room with them on their 40th wedding anniversary! They're both dead and I miss those holidays so much. Give him the freedom he deserves now and he'll be back later!

Violetcrush · 20/04/2023 11:56

Completely normal, sorry OP

maranella · 20/04/2023 11:56

Totally understand your upset OP and also worry because of his drug-taking. No doubt him staying home alone for 10 days after displaying such irresponsible behaviour and risk to his life is also worrying you. However, refusing to go on holiday with your family when you're 18 is not unusual - I actually refused to go with my family after the age of 16! Whether my oldest will still want to come with us at that age remains to be seen, but I hope he'll agree to come until he finishes school and after that it I won't force him if he doesn't want to. So hard! I feel for you. What are you going to do?

Plantgeumstoday · 20/04/2023 11:58

Unclear as who stopped him going on holiday with his mates ?
you or them ?
If you it is unacceptable
He's an adult now.
Normal for 18 yr olds to be embarrassed by parents, especially if they treat him like a child .

Marzipangirl3 · 20/04/2023 12:00

He’s 18, he’s an adult. You cannot force him to come on holiday. Also, you cannot legally stop him from going on holiday with his friends. You need to relax and let him grow up.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 20/04/2023 12:01

If my kid nearly died from a drug overdose and was easily led I'd do everything I could to stop him going to Ibiza too! For as long as he'll do as he's told you carry on OP.

Finally someone fucking parenting their offspring.

Shodan · 20/04/2023 12:04

My eldest ds is 27 and has only ever refused one holiday (Austria) but he was at uni by then and was going away with friends at the same time. If the dates hadn't clashed he would've come too.

DS2 is 15 and actively looks forward to coming on holiday with me.

But- we've always decided together where we'll go, which might be the difference. None of us are hugely keen on lying around in the sun for a fortnight, so have chosen some quite different holidays that suit all of us.

I have no doubt that at some point one or other of them will eschew the idea of holidaying with their aged ma but I'm very happy it hasn't happened yet.

Swipe left for the next trending thread