Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

Yes. That's exactly the point? They can get themselves around easily (and for free on buses) and have the whole of London and everything it has to offer for a free bus ride away.

Fabulous of course. Definitely an upside.

And of course there are the upsides of living in a smaller community.

It's really about what the OP would like. Her kids will be fine in either place. Particularly if she is pro. As she is for Central London.

We own our home in London and would be buying in Cheltenham. I would like to keep our London home and rent it out but not sure we can make the numbers work.

Preference would be for state school (ideally Pates Grammar) but wouldn’t rule out private.

Because that’s what Cheltenham is most like - it’s like Tunbridge Wells or Henley or Horsham. It’s only short drive from Burford.

Pates is super competitive, people travel there from Birmingham, Bristol and further afield. Unless your kids are super smart, I would not be relying on this.
Gloucester grammars are also good, many people from Cheltenham go there.

Because that’s what Cheltenham is most like - it’s like Tunbridge Wells or Henley or Horsham. It’s only short drive from Burford.

I know.

But your statement that I find so silly and sweeping was simply that London kids are more independent than those raised outside.

Anyway this is hardly useful to the OP.

I wish we had lived somewhere with decent, predictable summers, i.e. not in the UK. We have friends that live in the south of France, and their lifestyle is just not possible for us - going canyoning without it being wet and cold, planning picnics at the weekend and knowing there is zero chance of rain...

Probably not helpful for you OP.

I’ve never said anything of the sort. 🤔

@Mirabai I apologise if you didn't say that.
I thought it was you.

Right. So it's the rich inner boroughs that have the highest % and not outer ones like Hackney, Haringey, Barking, Lewisham, Newham etc! That 24% will almost certainly be concentrated in those inner boroughs. As for state secondaries, London has many, many great ones, so it's a sweeping generalisation to say otherwise. The top five in the country are all in the capital. OP, one of the top ten is in Cheltenham!

Taking a long time doesn't mean it's not cheap or easy.

It costs £55 for me to get a taxi home from my friends house. It's 15 miles away. No bus, train or taxi.

If you’re still happy in zone 1 London now then you’ll probably still want to be there when they’re older. This is the age where many people are done. I’d personally be off to Cheltenham like a shot, but I was one of those ‘done’ people who left London before kids.

Not sure where to start - Hackney, Newham, Lewisham and are all inner London.

I cba to have a discussion about inner London schools who doesn’t even know where it is.

Suffice to say the schools on the list are all grammars of which there are very few left in London. They’re not representative of London state schools.

Presumably you knew what the transport was like when chose to live there?

It would cost the same to get a 15 mile taxi from London.

Yes, but you normally don't always have to get a taxi. I've just spent 3 months in London, getting public transport from the outskirts to a main central hospital. Cheap and easy. It was lovely actually!

We had a a large garden growing up and we definitely used it as teens. I remember many a summer & spring day laid in the garden reading, eating breakfast & lunch on the patio, having dinner with friends over in the garden and listening to music.

Yes me too and my kids. Saying teens don't need or want a garden is a bit sad imo. Everyone does better with a bit of green space, even a park or balcony.

If you prefer better transport I guess you could move. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I lived in London when younger but would find it stifling and claustrophobic now.

Well you pays your money and you makes your choice.

In hindsight I wish I had raised my daughter in Germany (where I was raised). But we're in North London and own ponies, so living less central is better for my teen, as her whole social life revolves around the yard where she spends most of her time after school and on weekends. But we still live near a tube station and can be in Leicester Square in about 45mins door-to-door.

The UK as a whole is left leaning so I doubt you will have a problem with that, it's kind of an odd thing to mention!
Have you been to Cheltenham and looked around much? Maybe spend a weekend there and get more of a feel. It really depends what you like to do. I lived in central London and definitely didn't take advantage of all the amenities because I wasn't that interested. I live in the SouthEast now in a village outside a town of about 100,000 people so not big but it has what I need and within driving distance of lots of other similair size (and slightly larger) towns. There is plenty of art, culture etc if you are interested in it. Also only 1.5 hours from London so we can go whenever we want.
With small kids I would definitely move to Cheltenham but it very much depends what you want to do day to day and how moving would be impacted by that.

Less so now, but my husband occasionally has to work up in Cheltenham, and has a few friends up there. Bits of it always strike me as being similar to Bath (where we have brought up our now 15 year old since birth). It is safe and she happily meets up with friends either in town or out in the countryside. She'll jump on a bus or train to met people living further out (or the kids sort out some sort of lift share if they are heading to a more rural friend for a party/sleepover). She gets herself to/from school and has done since she was 11 (though I would meet her if she left school after dark).

DD would probably agree to move to Cheltenham solely on the basis of the enormous Lido and the schools she sometimes visits for hockey fixtures! I don't think there is quite the same fuss about hot-housing kids that I pick up from the London parents on 7+/11+ threads (no grammars in Bath but DD has had to do entrance exams). I had a former work colleague whose sons went through Pates, albeit 6 or 7 years ago, without too much drama.

Cheltenham has good schools and a decent assortment of restaurants and cafes. If you have the money to spend on extra-curricular you should soon find a good circle of friends. It's the sort of place where you would soon get to know your neighbours (which might either please you or fill you with dread). I'm not too sure what is on offer in terms of theatre and concerts etc in Cheltenham, but Birmingham and Bristol aren't too far away.

I 'get' the draw of central London (we're currently renting an apartment in Pimlico for DH and it is great for minibreaks in the school hols).

It would be a very good idea to rent an Airbnb for a week(end) to try to get a feel for the place.

Cheltenham is a lovely place but not at all diverse, 91% white.

Ultimately it doesn’t really matter which is better for teens. If you move now they won’t pine for London as teenagers as they’ll barely remember living there.

it’s not like you’re thinking of moving to the middle of nowhere. Cheltenham is a biggish town with enough stuff to do. You’re also only 20 mins from Gloucester and 45 from Bristol and as teens they’ll likely get public transport to these places for shopping, hanging out etc.

i feel like with teens I actually need more space than I did when they were younger despite them spending more time out or in their rooms. A flat (unless very large) wouldn’t cut it for us. Even considering upsizing despite eldest being 18 and about to go off to uni. I also couldn’t live without my garden. They obviously don’t play outside like when they were little, but we still like family bbqs, I always get the paddling pool out for the summer 😂 and we have many a water fight still. It’s a good family event 😂.

I do get it about zone 1. It does have a certain something that nowhere else really has and I love visiting. But if your main concern is that teens will be bored in Cheltenham then honestly I wouldn’t worry about it and even if they are, does it actually matter. All their friends will be in the same boat and it will just be how it is for them. Do what you feel is the best thing overall.

This isn’t exclusive to London. My very boring and average semi rural town (half the size of cheltenham) does loads of free activities for kids in the school holiday.

cooking classes, forest schools, roller disco, play days with bug fest, we used to go to free toddler play sessions and dance classes. They also do trips to the beach fully funded for families without transport. Also free science workshops.

makes me laugh when people think it’s just a blank nothing once you get outside the M25

granted it’s not the most exciting place for teens, but was great when they were younger. Also we’re only a short train ride from 2 decent sized cities which they can travel to on their own and almost all the kids start driving at 17 and then they have all the freedom they need.