Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

This is a fairy tale version of London I don’t recognise. It seems to be borne of resentment rather fact - it’s not Dick Whittington.

£15.20 a day for a one day travel card zone 1-4 is not cheap.

The state schools are not great, apart from a few shining examples, which is partly why London has the highest number of students in private sector of anywhere in the country.

Public transport is free for under 18's who live in London;

tfl.gov.uk/fares/free-and-discounted-travel

I’m not convinced that much of what you describe is because you were raised in London. Where I grew up in the countryside lots of my peers took drugs and went clubbing from age 16. I went clubbing but decided against the drugs and underage sex. Sexual assault on public transport is obviously never ok and I’m sorry that happened to you.

I disagree. I get stopped and asked for directions on a daily basis and mumsnet is full of posts from people planning a weekend in London and wondering if they can walk from their hotel in Stratford to the natural history museum. And tourists seem to be particularly baffled by the bus network.

For teens that live in London, getting around couldn't be cheaper or easier.

I don't think the point about public is about it being an especially difficult skill - though there was a post the other day from someone worried about how her 18 year old daughter and 19 year old boyfriend would manage London transport...

But more that London teens are able to have more independence because of the transport. So they develop the skills of organising themselves and being on their own, not dropped off by their parents all the time.

Now that's not unique to London but it is harder to achieve outside a city. I grew up in a small city with terrible public transport but a good cycling infrastructure so I did have that independence but you only have to look at the posts on here about teenagers to see how many are being driven everywhere by their parents

Gloucestershire is a grammar school area, so if you were serious about Cheltenham, I would think carefully about location, depending on whether you can afford private school or would be thinking grammar or comp. It has one of the best comprehensive schools in the south west (the best, maybe, they bang on about it constantly) so certainly not a deal breaker if grammar did not work out.
I am not sure that people who live in Cheltenham think about it as being only white and middle class. The schools have plenty of diversity, different languages spoken as a first language, free school meals, etc. Plenty of poverty, its share of crime too. It's only very narrowly Tory as well, literally 100 votes, having been lib dem for years, so plenty of diverse views and people open to different things. Obviously not got the breathe of diversity of London but towns generally don't.
Great festivals when kids are young - jazz, music, science and literature festivals have a load of stuff going on, lots of it free. This is great for adults as well.
Teenagers like other teenagers and there's plenty of those to hang out with and have fun with. Not the huge variety of things to do like London, but teenagers often don't have much cash and hanging out in Subway (or in summer heading up one of the local hills) is probably just as much fun.

I would love to bring up teens in London, but only if I had loads of money. Plenty of people grow up outside of London and have great childhoods. Your family and the people you meet growing up really make for the best childhood, I think, not access to loads of amenities and this perception that everywhere is rural outside of the M25.

No it’s not. You might want to read your link.

I don’t know what you mean by this. It can take about 1.5 hours to cross from one side of London to another on public transport - depending where you’re going obviously. And there areas of London that don’t have tube or train or both.

@CowboyHat is right.

The state schools are not great, apart from a few shining examples, which is partly why London has the highest number of students in private sector of anywhere in the country.

Would be interested to see the stats to back this up?

There is a massive difference between raising 6 year olds and 16 year olds.

Getting back to basics, will you be renting homes for the next 5 years in London/Cheltenham... are you looking to educate state vs private?

By way of example there’s a thread from a mother in Devon worrying about 18 and 19 year old kids going to a concert in London - will they get stabbed.

Yep hardly a comprehensive survey on which to base your sweeping statements. @Mirabai

Lots of teens are independent. Some that live in London and others that live in the country.

Teens in London are guess what , good at London. And teens outside are good at yep, living where they live. Each would probably be thrown by the different challenges.

Tourists asking for directions tells me nothing.

Cheltenham has some great state schools ( I work in one) and private ones too if that's your thing.

Plenty for teens to do (got one of those too).

Having said that it is not exotic like a city, however.

Proper countryside is only a few minutes away from anywhere.

Meanwhile country teens are driven around by mum and dad.

Yep and London kids aren't being driven? And of course no buses anywhere outside London. Please.

Frankly It's such a stupid unquantifiable argument that teens living here or there are more or less independent.

There are different challenges wherever you live. And many teens rise to them.

My kids mostly drive themselves at the first opportunity ie 17 and contribute to cars from jobs. So do many of their friends. It's just what fits where we live. But they all used public transport before that.

But I'm not going to be making to some sweeping statement based on that.

Google is your friend.

With the exception of a couple of boroughs with few private students, in inner London boroughs between 10-50% of kids are in private schools depending on the borough - Kensington & Chelsea being the highest @ 47%.

24% of all private school students go to school in London.

That doesn't make London's state schools bad

educationblog.buckingham.ac.uk/2020/07/29/why-are-schools-in-london-so-successful-by-barnaby-lenon/

More people with high salaries in London so not a suprise that more kids in private school

In London you’re used to getting on with people from all over the planet. Being good at living in small predominantly white town with a low crime rate, not much social deprivation, fairly conservative socially and politically, is quite a small thing to be good at. If you can cope with London you can cope with a small town. But some people from small towns can’t always cope with London or Manchester or Bristol.

I’m not really sure what would throw anyone about the challenges of Cheltenham or Tunbridge Wells or any Home Counties town. (Other than slight boredom).

Yep and London kids aren't being driven?

Not once they’re teens no.

I didn’t say they were bad I said they weren’t great (with some notable exceptions).

And tbf they have challenges schools in the Home Counties don’t - in my borough 20% of kids in the state system English is not their first language for example.

*In London you’re used to getting on with people from all over the planet. Being good at living in small predominantly white town with a low crime rate, not much social deprivation, fairly conservative socially and politically, is quite a small thing to be good at. If you can cope with London you can cope with a small town. But some people from small towns can’t always cope with London or Manchester or Bristol.

I’m not really sure what would throw anyone about the challenges of Cheltenham or Tunbridge Wells or any Home Counties town. (Other than slight boredom).*

CBA to be honest. This is so presumptuous, generalised and cliched. Don't know how anyone makes it out of these cliche small towns. ( now turned into Home Counties)

What absolute nonsense.

You've suddenly changed it to Home Counties @Mirabai

The statistics show London has really good state schools in the main, though, and people in Chelsea sending their kids to private school is not evidence otherwise

There are lots of things that train independence and it's nothing to do with where you live.

Sorry should rephrase

It's not only due to where you live

Yes. That's exactly the point? They can get themselves around easily (and for free on buses) and have the whole of London and everything it has to offer for a free bus ride away.