Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

We've always lived with DD in a flat in Zone 2 South London. She's 16 now.
I wish we could have moved away to afford a small house with a garden. Each time she needed to let off steam it took some organising to walk to the local park. I wished I could have had a space where she could run around out back. So if I had money, probably somewhere like Richmond or Barnes, but with my current budget, more like somewhere like Canterbury, Milton Keynes or Northampton!

Intrigued by this thread! As I also live in central London with primary aged children and often wonder.

But I was a teen who longed to live in London.

I think they like the countryside best when they’re children and hanker for the city when they’re teens.

Well, my teenager is really into horses so living more rurally (North London/Herts) is better for that. Her best friend lived in zone 1 and travels 1.5 hours to our local yard. But me personally I would have loved to live in zone 1.

At what age do kids stop playing in the back garden? I had always assumed they stopped using them once at secondary school so to move for a garden would be a bit short-sighted.

I grew up in the countryside and remember feeling really jealous of the kind of childhoods my uni friends had who grew up in London. Where I grew up we couldn’t go anywhere or even meet up with friends without a loft from parents. While Cheltenham wouldn’t be like that, it’s still a far cry from central London where everything is walking distance (friends, schools, sport facilities, museums, cafes, theatres etc etc)

No regrets about staying in London, although we did move from a flat in Zone 1 to a house with a garden further out. I grew up in the middle of nowhere and would have loved the London teenagerhood my dc have had. It's been good for them to navigate the tube etc from an early age, and London schools are good. (The dc haven't actually been out in the garden since about Year 6, but in the meantime DH and I have mysteriously become middle aged and got into gardening).

Great question, but there are so many variables in not sure there's a "right" answer.

Your DC are young enough not to know any different if they grow up in Cheltenham but if you'll miss London and can't see yourself being happy there then that's important for the whole family too.

I would choose Cheltenham but I'm fairly sure my DH wouldn't.

I live out in the countryside and brought up my children here. Plenty of outdoor space and a small forest to explore 10 minutes walk away. We have large cities close by but the buses are sketchy.

I adore London and as a teenager would have loved zone 1! My dad lived in zone 2 and I would go to stay with him and adventure into the city.

That said, I’d always choose rural. I think village life is comforting and safe. They can choose to move away when they are older.

I live in the country in a cheap area of UK. My DC were brought up here with all the freedom that allows plus the benefit of a lot of space. Big rooms, several living rooms, a games room, big garden.
They are adults now and both have chosen country living though they work in a city.

I’m from London and desperate to get out, partially for the kids. I don’t see what’s so great about London with all the crowding, poverty, ugly greyness and traffic. Sure there’s things to do but there are things to do in other places too. I’ve grown up seeing too many young people getting into a bad crowd or bad things because it’s everywhere. I would rather raise my kids elsewhere with a lower crime rate, cleaner air and beautiful natural scenery. I’m trying to get us out.

London suburbs!
Close enough to avail of free buses and cheap tube to museums, shopping, courses.. But still with space for a garden and nice neighbours who know their names.
If a big city wasn’t an option, I’d go to Harrogate or Bristol.

On the fucking moon so I could get back in my rocket and leave the little shits there!

Rest assured they will.

London has an awesomeness I will never understand. I was brought up north and county area so London is scary, but is fantastic as well. Offers so much potential as it's the heart of the county. I moved house to a cul de sac so kids can play out. They don't play in gardens much they like to play out with friends park etc, so I moved to an area they could. But kids aren't bothered with the garden, whatever size.

@Liorae curious to know why you think op’s dc will move away from the countryside. I’m one of 3- all adults now. We grew up in a small village and we all live in even smaller villages now. I love London, but aside from uni almost every house I’ve lived in has backed onto fields.

Oh god just stay. That garden period is seriously extemely short, and once you leave you will struggle to get back in - and your kids will whinge that they don't live in the fun city. Stay, be happy, take your kids to the park when they need a run around and rejoice when they are a couple of years older and independent and you get to fall in love again with where you live.

All any of us has is our personal experience for this one, and you gave yours, so I'll give mine - I am married to one of 5 who have all chosen city over rural where they grew up, and all my friends save 2 have chosen city over suburb or rural where they grew up. The 2 who haven't? They are both broke and can't afford city, so have "chosen" to live in barely habitable shacks in the country. And yes, given the choice they'd both go for cities.

Me, I'm suburb who hated that and who has chosen city.

Anywhere that didn't have wifi

I don’t think London is ugly and grey at all. It’s also the wealthiest place in the country so if it’s poverty that you don’t like then you’ll struggle to find somewhere bette. It also has a lower crime rate than many parts of the UK.

London is such a huge and varied city that two people can have completely different experiences of living in it.

Have you ever lived in any other part of the UK?

We had to move out of London when we bought a house as couldn't afford London. We live fairly close now, I can get to central in less than 30 minutes on the train. I would love to live in a nice area in zone 1 and can see there are so many benefits for teens. I don't know Cheltenham at all but I vote to stay.

This is a good question , got me thinking .
I grew up semi rural , walking distance of shops and park 2 mins walk away . Up the road led to farm land and villages
Down the road good regular bus links to decent town . As kids we very rarely used the garden but always on the park or up the fields . All friends had dogs so meeting up to walk dogs was a thing It was great .

Now I live in a bigger house with big garden , not used by children much but good for summer parties . Can walk to local shops and regular bus stop at end of drive to same decent town .

We have the space indoors now that I didn't have as a child but it almost feels too big as eldest is 15 and stays in her room , youngest aged 8 uses the whole house especially with friends .

The only thing I would change is a beach nearby

Cheltenham and London are two of my favourite places and I don’t know which one I’d pick! There is stuff going on in Cheltenham though, and it’s only an hour or less from Bristol on the train.

Do you own your current flat?could you afford to rent in Cheltenham and rent out your London flat to cover the costs so you could go back if you wanted?

I moved from south London to the coast when my oldest was 9. Better schools was a big factor plus the Beach! I grew up in London and don’t miss it. My teens have lots of things nearby to do - in the summer they bbq on the beach with mates, there’s a skatepark, cinema, loads of restaurants and cafes, bigger town 20 mins away by train with a great theatre. Both were in the scouts so camped for weekends through the year and a week in the summer. We still have family in London so can meet up and visit if we want to. I’d vote to move - but you have to do what’s right for you!

We left central Ldn when ds got to primary school age to suburban London due to schools. Which I vaguely hate and dream of zone 1. Dp is a country boy and we sometimes talked about moving further out but it appears I go stir crazy if I can't get dc to a decent museum or theatre or see the Thames every so often.
I worry about knives as dc get closer to secondary but our schools are all outstanding near here and seem ok.

Dp hated growing up in the countryside friends far away and boring as a teenager- Cheltenham would probably be more exciting than proper country though.

I have loved having primary age kids who have frequent access to great museums, theatres and iconic views. As tweenagers fun days in Camden market with food and shopping is fun too.

But suburbia is 40 mins drive to countryside so we get lots of fresh air too!

I grew up rural and lived rurally (cottage with no neighbours for 5 miles around, just fields!) when I first moved out. Mid-20s moved to a small-ish city and wouldn’t live in the countryside if I was paid to now. Life is very easy with Dd, her friends are walking distance or on a bus route, her clubs are walkable. We’re 25 mins from the beach, there’s a massive forest/Heath 5 mins from our front door. So it’s best of all worlds really.

My young adult loves living in a city but is already making plans to move back to the countryside when she's a bit older. She remembers her childhood and teen years as idyllic. I can see the appeal of London though so it's a tricky one.