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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

185 replies

CowboyHat · 17/02/2023 20:27

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

OP posts:
Fizbosshoes · 18/02/2023 07:56

I grew up in London suburbia (zone 5) in a standard semi with garden. I can't say as a teen I was bothered about the garden.
My mum didn't drive so I was used to getting a bus/train/tube from a reasonably young age. As a teen I often used to go into London with my sister and we knew our way round pretty well both on foot and by tube.
That said I'm bringing my own kids up further out of London in a commuter town. We have countryside half a mile away (some of DDs friends do horse riding, although it's always been out of our budget) but there are frequent trains to London. The schools are very good but the town itself is probably a bit boring for teens, although they can get the bus or train to more teen friendly places!

LocatioLocationLocomotion · 18/02/2023 08:01

CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 06:12

I don’t think London is ugly and grey at all. It’s also the wealthiest place in the country so if it’s poverty that you don’t like then you’ll struggle to find somewhere bette. It also has a lower crime rate than many parts of the UK.

London is such a huge and varied city that two people can have completely different experiences of living in it.

Have you ever lived in any other part of the UK?

Show quote history

Personally I do find it very ugly. Many of the beautiful old buildings are overtaken by ugly modern ones or drowned out by tower blocks or sky scrapers. The pollution makes it very dirty and many high streets look like shit even in areas where there are million pound homes.

Yes there are many sad and depressing towns in the UK that have been neglected and are struggling but there are many beautiful towns that aren’t but many people act as if London is the only decent place in the whole of the UK and the only place where anything happens. Not saying that’s your attitude by the way!

It‘s not the only place in the UK with a high crime rate but it still has a very high crime rate and ranks near the top.

I have lived in other parts of the UK but not as an adult. I’ve been visiting other places and staying in other places as an adult to get the feel for different places though as well as researching other people’s experiences. I appreciate that’s not the same as living elsewhere but there are pros and cons to everything and for me, the cons of London have far outweighed the pros. I just feel exhausted by it, maybe I’ll view it more favourably once I’m not subjected to it on the daily lol.

Are you from London? As in born/brought up here?

Catoneverychair · 18/02/2023 08:02

We live in a popular commuter city. In a shoebox little house with a patch for a garden. The kids love it as they can meet up with friends and I know they're safe. But I hate it now despite it being pretty. I miss my big house in the nearby shit town where we had a big garden with space, big bedrooms, chickens in the garden, the owls hooting on the trees at night.
Many people move out of here as soon as their kids have finished college.

maranella · 18/02/2023 08:02

We lived in London before kids and loved it, but DH was in a flat with a balcony and I was in a terrace with a courtyard garden, neither of which would've worked for a family. Since having kids we've lived just outside London and I feel we have the best of both worlds as we can be in central London in an hour from here, but we also have a decent garden, a huge park and countryside within easy walking distance.

Our friends who stayed in London have a much smaller (although very nice) house and garden on a leafy south London street. The competitiveness of parenting in London doesn't sound great though and every time she talks about raising her kids there I feel glad with the choice we made. I love London and go in regularly. DH works there. It's true that little DC like the countryside much better, but now our DC are older they love being able to go into London easily with their friends. Cheltenham is lovely OP. Have you ever been? If not, so a day trip and see what you think.

Hellosunnysun8 · 18/02/2023 08:05

Beautifulsunflowers · 18/02/2023 07:45

I moved from south London to the coast when my oldest was 9. Better schools was a big factor plus the Beach! I grew up in London and don’t miss it. My teens have lots of things nearby to do - in the summer they bbq on the beach with mates, there’s a skatepark, cinema, loads of restaurants and cafes, bigger town 20 mins away by train with a great theatre. Both were in the scouts so camped for weekends through the year and a week in the summer. We still have family in London so can meet up and visit if we want to. I’d vote to move - but you have to do what’s right for you!

Curious to know where you moved to? It sounds lovely! Brighton?

Pastorswife · 18/02/2023 08:10

Not in London but a similarly large European city.
We’ve tried to find a compromise by purchasing a small house (3-bed) with a small garden near parks, but at the end of the metro line. That way, when DC are older they can get a metro into town or wherever they want to go, without needing a lift. We were also able to get rid of one car by doing this.
Is there a possibility of doing something like that in either potential location for you?

adagio · 18/02/2023 08:12

I’ve never lived in either so this is possibly slightly useless 😁 have worked a lot in both though.

London transport (and prices) are amazing, much much better than most other cities. really, do not underestimate it - the ridiculous prices, reliability, and length of time it takes to get around outside of London. The ability of a teen to get about without parental input (lifts as no busses or promised bus doesn't to turn up, £££ money for transport, speed of getting about) is awesome. As a teen independence is so important and I think can be really hampered by the crap and expensive transport we have across so much if the country. But, London probably has a bit more risk in terms of wrong crowd/ wrong place and time I think.

Saying all that, Cheltenham is a lovely little city with a good number of amenities, and if you choose well you should be able to get the kids in reach of the city and schools without relying on you!

Where do you see yourselves when you are old and thinking if retiring? If you leave London you will not get back in. So although a long way off I would think through the whole life game plan.

whizzpopping · 18/02/2023 08:20

We've just come back from a mini break spent in and around Cheltenham with small DC and I was reminded of how stunning the Cotswolds countryside is. I imagined how nice it would be to live in that part of the country. Easy access to riding, farms, hiking etc. I might have been romanticised slightly!!

But for children, especially teenagers, London is far more stimulating and diverse and they'd probably never forgive you for leaving..

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 18/02/2023 08:24

Cheltenham is great, I'd have been happy being a teenager there - I don't think teens will miss out on town life growing up there as opposed to London

kittensinthekitchen · 18/02/2023 08:55

I like where we live, a town that's at most 30 minutes away from a city, from the beach, from stunning greenery.

However, my youngest teen (14) has now discovered live music and attending a gig for us involves two overnight stays, travel, and having to organise care for a disabled adult. It's far from easy and something I wish she could access easier. Hopefully as she gets older and more independent, it'll be easier for her to do alone or with friends.

tirednewmumm · 18/02/2023 10:29

Orangetapemeasure · 18/02/2023 05:05

@Liorae curious to know why you think op’s dc will move away from the countryside. I’m one of 3- all adults now. We grew up in a small village and we all live in even smaller villages now. I love London, but aside from uni almost every house I’ve lived in has backed onto fields.

Yes I thought that was an odd assumption people like different things, we were raised very rural (1 of 4) two stayed rural 2 moved to a town/city

SundayNightDrama · 18/02/2023 10:43

We compromised with a London suburb.

Now my kids are teens I’m especially glad we stayed in a city. They can be so independent and get around easily, and there is plenty for them to do. London has good state schools, too, compared to many areas of the country.

We left a central London flat for a suburban house with garden when our second child was born. My teens never use the garden!

WinterFoxes · 18/02/2023 10:54

We moved from Central London to a big, leafy commuter village, for more green space, bigger house and better schools. All of these were benefits. DC had loads of fun outdoors, we have a lovely house and they went to an excellent secondary.

But in 18 years here, going to local primary, between them, they have made only one friend in our sizeable village. It's full of families, but they just aren't like us. We are leftie, arty Londoners at heart. DC love culture, fashion, politics. The local families are very nice but they only seem to care about cars and skiing and ponies. They all vote Tory - just very different interests from ours. I do rwish we'd raised them somewhere where there were more like-minded people.

They have great friends from secondary school in a nearby town but those friends inevitably lived the far side of that town, which is already 20 mins away, so there was a LOT of driving and hanging around in their teen years.

maranella · 18/02/2023 11:53

One other point - if you were to move to Cheltenham, London is 2 hours away by train, which is quite far (although doable) for day trips. However, both Birmingham and Bristol are only 38 mins away by train. So why you'd be living in quite a small, nice city, you wouldn't be far from larger ones with more going on.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/02/2023 12:23

I've never lived in London but have worked there and visited plenty of times. I live in a small town and love it. Couldn't think of anything worse than living in London. I find it so claustrophobic and always come home absolutely filthy.

My teen isn't in the slightest bit interested in going into London with friends (it's about 1.5 hrs on train). We do go to London for the theatre and do sightseeing occasionally but it's not the only city we travel to for that. To us London isn't that much of a premium destination. We're always happy to come home to our clean, uncrowded, friendly town.

But everyone is different. Your children might be chomping at the bit to be in London. They might not. But I'm curious to know why you'd think that they'd be hankering to go to London if they were brought up in Cheltenham? They wouldn't know any difference? So why would London be on their radar?

If YOU don't want to move out of London, then don't. But I'm sure your children will find their own way in life wherever they live.

Choconut · 18/02/2023 12:30

I spent a few years in London - I hate it but I guess it's fine for a bit if you're young and have money - but I would never have had kids there. It's not somewhere I would have wanted to grow up. I grew up on a farm and it was idyllic - not isolated though.

Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:01

LocatioLocationLocomotion · 18/02/2023 08:01

Personally I do find it very ugly. Many of the beautiful old buildings are overtaken by ugly modern ones or drowned out by tower blocks or sky scrapers. The pollution makes it very dirty and many high streets look like shit even in areas where there are million pound homes.

Yes there are many sad and depressing towns in the UK that have been neglected and are struggling but there are many beautiful towns that aren’t but many people act as if London is the only decent place in the whole of the UK and the only place where anything happens. Not saying that’s your attitude by the way!

It‘s not the only place in the UK with a high crime rate but it still has a very high crime rate and ranks near the top.

I have lived in other parts of the UK but not as an adult. I’ve been visiting other places and staying in other places as an adult to get the feel for different places though as well as researching other people’s experiences. I appreciate that’s not the same as living elsewhere but there are pros and cons to everything and for me, the cons of London have far outweighed the pros. I just feel exhausted by it, maybe I’ll view it more favourably once I’m not subjected to it on the daily lol.

Are you from London? As in born/brought up here?

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No, I grew up in the countryside 10 miles from the nearest town. It was nice and safe but very boring once I became a teenager.

OP posts:
Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:04

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/02/2023 12:23

I've never lived in London but have worked there and visited plenty of times. I live in a small town and love it. Couldn't think of anything worse than living in London. I find it so claustrophobic and always come home absolutely filthy.

My teen isn't in the slightest bit interested in going into London with friends (it's about 1.5 hrs on train). We do go to London for the theatre and do sightseeing occasionally but it's not the only city we travel to for that. To us London isn't that much of a premium destination. We're always happy to come home to our clean, uncrowded, friendly town.

But everyone is different. Your children might be chomping at the bit to be in London. They might not. But I'm curious to know why you'd think that they'd be hankering to go to London if they were brought up in Cheltenham? They wouldn't know any difference? So why would London be on their radar?

If YOU don't want to move out of London, then don't. But I'm sure your children will find their own way in life wherever they live.

Because they have lived here already for years and they seem to love it. When we go and stay with family they comment that there isn’t much to do. When we get back to London they’re glad to be home where they can walk to the park/swimming/museum. They also hate that they have to get in a car tk get anywhere where my family live (not helped by being travel sick).

OP posts:
Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:06

maranella · 18/02/2023 11:53

One other point - if you were to move to Cheltenham, London is 2 hours away by train, which is quite far (although doable) for day trips. However, both Birmingham and Bristol are only 38 mins away by train. So why you'd be living in quite a small, nice city, you wouldn't be far from larger ones with more going on.

38 minutes? Do you have access to a high speed train that I don’t know about? I think you mean 1 hour and 38 mins. That’s faster than from Cheltenham but it’s still not an easy day trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:07

WinterFoxes · 18/02/2023 10:54

We moved from Central London to a big, leafy commuter village, for more green space, bigger house and better schools. All of these were benefits. DC had loads of fun outdoors, we have a lovely house and they went to an excellent secondary.

But in 18 years here, going to local primary, between them, they have made only one friend in our sizeable village. It's full of families, but they just aren't like us. We are leftie, arty Londoners at heart. DC love culture, fashion, politics. The local families are very nice but they only seem to care about cars and skiing and ponies. They all vote Tory - just very different interests from ours. I do rwish we'd raised them somewhere where there were more like-minded people.

They have great friends from secondary school in a nearby town but those friends inevitably lived the far side of that town, which is already 20 mins away, so there was a LOT of driving and hanging around in their teen years.

This is exactly my fear. Where we currently live we come across a huge diversity of thought and interests. We are also left leaning which puts me off large swathes of the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:08

SundayNightDrama · 18/02/2023 10:43

We compromised with a London suburb.

Now my kids are teens I’m especially glad we stayed in a city. They can be so independent and get around easily, and there is plenty for them to do. London has good state schools, too, compared to many areas of the country.

We left a central London flat for a suburban house with garden when our second child was born. My teens never use the garden!

Would you mind me asking where you moved to?

OP posts:
Luckydip1 · 18/02/2023 13:09

The countryside is great for kids up to primary school age, but boring for them after then, when they will find towns and cities more engaging. Once you have moved out of London it can be difficult to afford to buy back in if you have second thoughts so renting our your London home and renting in the countryside is something a lot of people do.

Amaury · 18/02/2023 13:10

I've raised mine just outside Greater London. I don't have any regrets because their secondary school (comp) has worked well for them as they've been happy, safe and done well. We live near a bus stop and train station so they've been able to travel independently and go into London with friends. The eldest can also easily get to Victoria Coach Station for Uni. When they were younger we went to Nat trust places a lot with friends so they could go off and play safely. I'm sure we could have lived in nicer places, but you can't put a price on happiness at school, so I wouldn't have changed it.

maranella · 18/02/2023 13:11

CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:06

38 minutes? Do you have access to a high speed train that I don’t know about? I think you mean 1 hour and 38 mins. That’s faster than from Cheltenham but it’s still not an easy day trip.

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Um, no. According to Google Maps you can take a train from Cheltenham to Bristol Temple Meads and it takes 38 mins. In the opposite direction, Birmingham New Street is 37 mins away.

Original poster
CowboyHat · 18/02/2023 13:12

adagio · 18/02/2023 08:12

I’ve never lived in either so this is possibly slightly useless 😁 have worked a lot in both though.

London transport (and prices) are amazing, much much better than most other cities. really, do not underestimate it - the ridiculous prices, reliability, and length of time it takes to get around outside of London. The ability of a teen to get about without parental input (lifts as no busses or promised bus doesn't to turn up, £££ money for transport, speed of getting about) is awesome. As a teen independence is so important and I think can be really hampered by the crap and expensive transport we have across so much if the country. But, London probably has a bit more risk in terms of wrong crowd/ wrong place and time I think.

Saying all that, Cheltenham is a lovely little city with a good number of amenities, and if you choose well you should be able to get the kids in reach of the city and schools without relying on you!

Where do you see yourselves when you are old and thinking if retiring? If you leave London you will not get back in. So although a long way off I would think through the whole life game plan.

I want to be retired in London, without a doubt. As you say, being able to get around easily is really key. I hate the thought of being old and stuck at home unable to get anywhere. London is also full of endless things to keep a retired person busy.

in an ideal world we would keep our London flat and rent it out but it’s increasingly difficult to be a landlord so I’m not sure how realistic that is.

OP posts: