Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

My cousin lives in Cheltenham and has 3 kids they love it. They moved out of London from a 2 bed flat to a big 5 bed with garden much better for them.
She has a lovely group of friends and good schooling nearby and they sometimes rent and air b n b for a weekend in London 2-3 times a year for a change works well for them

I see, I think a lot of times people who are native to a particular area will see the bad sides more than people who are new to it. For me I would prefer boring for my teens than some of the things I saw/experienced as a teen. Cheltenham is a town though right? So perhaps a happy medium between rural and London.

It depends on your teens surely? Not all teens want a city lifestyle, for some hiking, countryside etc is what they like

I'd say living really rurally is dull and a huge pain for teenagers and necessitates parental taxi services for much longer. But it's not a choice of London or rural. There are plenty of large and small towns where teens can get around by themselves and there's plenty to do but you can have a garden, and there are woods, green spaces, parks, beaches etc nearby.

We live in a small town near a small city. Kids can walk to the shops, beach and parks, there's woods behind our house. It's a 30 minute bus ride to the city or short train rides to other nearby towns with other amenities eg cinemas etc. Kids can easily get to schools by public transport or walking. Best of both worlds in my opinion.

Ahh, I thought you were suggesting living in one of those 2x places because it’s a quicker train into London. My mistake.

So you've never lived in London, or even ventured outside of zone 2 (I'm assuming if you only come in for work), yet have formed a big sweeping generalisation on it? And as a teen living in a suburban town outside of London I never had the urge to live or work there. Once you hit your 20's and realise the money and jobs are in London and start socialising there you soon see how small town everywhere else is in comparison. I spent 22 years of my life in suburbia and 10 years in London and everytime I go back to my hometown I get depressed. Not saying that will happen to your children but they aren't particularly in a stage of their life where they would be able to make an informed decision on city life yet.

I also never knew my neighbours when I lived in my small town - I know a lot of my neighbours in London - far friendlier and better community feel!

I've lived in London in the past but my kids have no desire to live or work there - of course they may have to depending on jobs. They do like other cities however, which amazingly do exist.

It's what makes YOU happy that is equally important. The kids I know raised in London are more independent than those raised outside, especially if those outside of London kids need to rely on parents being a taxi service. And I did have a big garden but can't say my kids played out there much - taking to the local park with play equipment or to the pool or whatever was still needed.
Personally I love London, moved back 18 months ago and love it so I'd stay.

I would choose London still, we’re here already and it’s working well

The kids I know raised in London are more independent than those raised outside

Amazing how some non-London teens manage to cope at university isn't it? Or in life generally. Most of the London teens I know would probably actually expire without Uber and Deliveroo.

We moved out of London back to where I grew up in the midlands before we had children. Smallish market town but with good transport links.

Pros - it's safer, we could afford a house with a garden, closer to family, 'outdoorsy' upbringing, could walk to school and meet friends easily.

Cons - they are now teens and there are limited things to do, not a lot of culture, very white middle England.

We counter a lot of the negatives by going into London/cities regularly but I think ds1 is now desperate to move to a city - exactly like I did at 18 when I moved to London. I wouldn't change how we did it, but dcs growing up near family is one of the big factors for us so if they weren't here I wouldn't be so sure.

North Bristol or south west Sheffield. I love London but prefer to visit family / friends then leave again.

teens and rural living is definitely not a choice I would make

We live in Zone 4 suburbia. It's the best of both worlds. One teen loves central London and is up there at least twice a week, the other hates the noise etc. But he has the choice of the quieter life we can lead here. I personally would find Cheltenham too small.

@CowboyHat I am intrigued to know where you live in zone 1 with excellent state schools and everything on your doorstep. From what I know if friends living in London most things are a bit of a trek

If you’re happy in London, want to retire in London and your kids are happy in London and feel it’s boring outside of London, then it seems clear to me that London is the best place for you all!

Cheltenham for kids and London for teens. Sorry I know it doesn’t work like that 🤦‍♀️.

Sounds like you want to stay in London deep down and want others to validate your decision.
Just stay in London, sometimes you just know in your heart whether you’re for the city or the country. Good luck.

If you want to ultimately be in London once your DC have left home, then you should not sell up and move to Cheltenham. At least not until you’ve lived in Cheltenham for a while and changed your mind about being back in London one day.

We could only afford a one-bed in London, so eventually we sold it and that meant we could afford a 4-bed in a small city close to countryside and our families. One DC wouldn’t want to live in London, one DC wishes we still lived in London. I remain thoroughly conflicted as I’m a country girl who loves both - I love London deeply and could retire there, but possibly only if I could also have a countryside escape too to spend 50% of my time. And I doubt I’ll ever be rich enough for that!

If I were you I’d go for 2-3 years, renting out your place and renting in Cheltenham, then decide when you’re coming up to secondary age for DC1 what to do next.

Do you want "diversity of thought" or do you want "left leaning"? Because they aren't the same thing (I suspect this may come as a shock to you...).

It is an interesting discussion.
Obviously we are all different and what is important to each of us will be different for each of us.
I don't know Cheltenham so can't comment specifically, but, having always had a garden, I think the thought of living without one would be SUCH a negative for me. I guess though, if you've never had one, it is more a case of not missing what you've never had.

I also think there can be both the element of being comfortable with what you are used to, but also an element of "the grass is always greener".

I love what I have - I live in a suburb of a big City. I still have a garden. I am close to loads of green spaces, from manicured parks to huge Country parks with hills and woods , to nature reserves, to smaller play areas, plus green corridors to walk or cycle through. I am also close to all the theatres, sports arenas, events, hospitals, exhibitions, specialist hospitals, you could imagine. Myriad of choice of where to eat (or get takeaways from) with competition keeping prices down. Shops (if that is your thing). A million and one things you, your small children, or your teens can join / belong to. Choices of schools. Choices of loads of different things so if you don't like one, you can try another. Be that a takeaway, a football team, a choir, a dance school, a cricket club, a theatre group, a Church or mosque or synagogue or Gurdwara, a Scout Group or cadets or guides or anything really. We have libraries and swimming baths and a plethora of supermarkets, and pubs or cafes etc etc etc etc.

We are in zone 3 and really like it.

We do have a garden though the kids don't use it much - they are 6 and 3 and much prefer to go to a park.

Why we like it now:

Variety of things to do - before anyone starts up, I am not saying nothing happens outside of London but population density does mean there is more to do - both for the kids and for us

Childcare options - when DS's nursery closed down, there were several options. If we want a babysitter, there are plenty of ways to get one. If we need a holiday club, there are dozens in the immediate area. Somewhere like Cheltenham there will be options but not as many.

Diversity. I am not white and neither are my kids and I feel that they don't stick out here in the way they would in some other areas of the UK. Again, preempting the inevitable, I know that there are cities with more diversity like Birmingham or Leicester but it's one draw for me.

Don't need a car - neither of us like driving.

When they are teens, I am looking forward to not having to drive them everywhere. When they are young adults, there is a higher chance they will stay local as there are so many jobs in London.

I am no wedded to staying in London - I would consider other cities in the UK, especially Birmingham, Manchester and Sheffield - but I personally prefer a big city to somewhere like Cheltenham.

You could look at Birmingham and your DH commuting from there - there is a lot more going on there and you could probably afford a nice house.

But I'm curious to know why you'd think that they'd be hankering to go to London if they were brought up in Cheltenham? They wouldn't know any difference? So why would London be on their radar?

I think we all come at it from our own experiences - I grew up in a small city, like Cheltenham but not Cheltenham, and we were all obsessed with London as teenagers and went in as often as possible. We all expected to have graduate jobs in London and the majority of us did. 20 years on, not one of the 20 odd people I know from school (not friends still with all of them but have on Facebook etc) lives in our home city. Most live in London.

I guess if your experience is staying in your home city and similarly your friends, you'll make different assumptions.

Many of the beautiful old buildings are overtaken by ugly modern ones
Unfortunately that's the case with anywhere that was heavily bombed in the war. Coventry, Southampton, Croydon, London and others.

Tricky. Mn always says if you move out your'll never be able to move back. Could you afford to buy in Cheltenham and keep your London place as a buy-to-let so you can always come back? What about moving slightly out to outer London to get the garden and house. Cheltenham is nice and has enough going on, and close to Bristol. But you'd find it deathly dim and boring surely? Different for me because I came from middle of nowhere Dartmoor, now in Surrey which gives me all the space and countryside but I can be in London if I want but rarely go.