Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

This is such a London-centric conversation. I know that's what the thread is about, but it does make me laugh as someone who grew up outside London - in cheltenham in fact!

There are functioning towns and cities outside London - not just the "countryside" where we look at sheep for entertainment or jump on the first train back to London.

Cheltenham is a great place for teenagers. Just the right size: cinema, sports, countryside closeby (horse-riding, etc), concerts, shops and whatever teenagers do now.

In fact it was an excellent combination of countryside and large town when i grew up. Add the proximity to gloucester (actually a city), and you double the activities (and night life).

In fact, i am the opposite. I feel sorry for my sister's kids growing up in such a sprawling, dirty, noisy city with no seeming end (yep london).

By the way, cheltenham isn't really that rural, compared to another large town/small city. In fact if you are going for rural charms, you may be very disappointed, unless you pay a fortune to live in the cotswolds. Houses are being thrown up at a rate of knots and the green fields between and around cheltenham and gloucester are disappearing sadly.

I think people have just responded with their experience of bringing up teenagers. Since there are 9 million people living in Greater London, obviously there are going to be more mumsnetters responding from there than Cheltenham.

I grew up in zone 2, so not quite central but within easy reach. I have chosen to raise my children in a medium size town, within an hour and a half of London so completely doable for day trips or nights out. I can see positives and negatives to both. Here they have had access to things I couldn't dream of as a London Kid my son played football on grass or state of the astro turf twice a week for the princely sum of £150/ year. My daughter rode three times a week in 20 acres for £32. They spent time on the beach with friends after school and in the holidays, their (perfectly ordinary state ) village primary school had a field and a swimming pool. I have always taken them to London regularly to visit the museums but would have been nice to have them on my door step. I suppose there is no right answer Cheltenham is lovely though.

I grew up in a very rural area in the south of England. My kids have been raised in an inner city area in a large Northern city. Now teenagers they have access to everything our city has to offer and good public transport. They love it and say they can’t imagine what it was like for me growing up.
Living here has also made them more streetwise, especially as our neighbourhood is very dodgy. I feel that if they can survive here they can survive anywhere!

Cheltenham is basically Richmond with fields - predominantly white middle class, pretty, wealthy, lots of white stucco terraces and antiques, good private schools. If that’s your thing you could be really happy.

For me personally it’s not sufficiently multicultural and there’s not enough access to museums, galleries, theatre, lectures, events etc.

The kids I know raised in London are more independent than those raised outside,

😁😁😁😁

snort

Could this conversation be more London centric. At the end of the overground it's not just endless horizon and muddy fields . God alive. Cheltenham is an actual town.

Stuff actually happens there.Some of the replies on here sound so insular.

We moved from zone 1 to zone 3 in London. My teenagers love it, and so do I. They are all now of an age where they go to the museums and galleries with their friends, love wandering around soho, seeing live comedy and as a family we regularly enjoy everything London has to offer. We were lucky though that we moved to a lovely leafy neighborhood only 15 minutes by train to central London. They are incredibly street wise as have all got London transport to school from the age of 11.

Really happy to have raised my teens in London. There is so much going on- activities, galleries, museums, theatre. Public transport is cheap and good. There are some great schools. Plus they’ve grown up in a diverse environment with all the benefits that that brings.

Agree that kids don’t play in the back garden once they’re at secondary school (unless you have acres so they can play a proper game of football etc).

Teenagers is a funny 'stage' though isn't it. It's a very short time. They don't need much. 3 & 6, you are a very long way off it. What do you want for your primary children and secondary children. You want nice friends, good schools, thrive, do hobbies. Then they go out a bit more in teens, playing football with mates. Swimming. Before you know it they are Learning to drive, then off to Uni. What exactly is it that you want for them. Somewhere nice, that they go about their business, without being stabbed, was my priority. Both my ds's had that. That's all that was important to me.

Teenagers want to hang out with their friends. They don't care particularly where that is. Mostly in and out of their friends houses...in parks, around town. They won't be going to museums etc. Tbh if they want to get away they want to go somewhere that isn't home...so likely would travel outside to explore somewhere else.
We left London but only about an hour away by train so going back is still doable.

Teenagers want to hang out with their friends. They don't care particularly where that is. Mostly in and out of their friends houses...in parks, around town. They won't be going to museums etc.

We did in the '90's, also loads of gigs, which is easier in London

It’s a small predominantly white middle class town.

I do think city kids are generally more independent (this is not particular to London).

We moved out of Zone 1 when our eldest was a baby. I've never stopped regretting it. We could never have afforded a house, but we now live in a small village on the South Coast and I'd love to move back into the city.

Sounds ideal! Where is this mythical place?

This is my biggest worry when I think about leaving London!! I really like having a community of like-minded people around me.

You haven't mentioned the issue of living space other than a garden - I don't know if that means that you're wealthy enough that you have a large zone 1 property. If not then I think even if you're not fussed about a garden then I would think about whether where you live now is big enough for teenagers who wouldn't go to bed in the evening to give you space like your little ones do and would want their own space to relax, socialize and study. If it is then I think London seems the better option - for everyone I know who moved out (which is lots and lots of people, I live in a place that people move to from London) London meant a small flat and outside London meant a house with enough living space for a family and that was a huge deciding factor.

As others have said, though, you clearly don't want to leave London and want others to justify your choice - you don't need that, you have the perfect right to want it (and you don't have to declare that the rest of the country is boring and full of right-wing bigots to do so!)

Exactly where we have. London. They are 22 and 19 now and both really appreciate their London upbringing.

We don't have a huge house (only 1 bathroom) but do have a garden which they played in when younger. But we are also only 10 minutes walk away from two beautiful parks so if we didn't have a garden they would have had a good alternative nearby. I doubt either of them have actually been to the bottom of the garden for a good 5+ years now .

They went to non-leafy comps in an area with notable social problems and got AAA at A level and A*AB at A level and experienced all that such schools come with.

They have a diverse group of friends, busy social lives, opportunities to try all sorts of sports for free, free bus travel for many years, the ability to entertain themselves with different outings, shops, pubs etc all within a short public transport journey. And the live in the best city on earth. What's not to love?

I think the problem with London is that most families can’t afford that life anymore. Maybe you bought your house 20 years ago - now I’m guessing your house is worth upwards of a million, if not two.

If life could be like that for families still, I don’t think so many (like me) would consider leaving. The prices (as I’m talking about on another thread!) are unobtainable now. In my neighbourhood, small, not-special terraces (with one bathroom) are being listed at £1.7m. Ten years ago, they were half that. Fifteen years ago, it was a deprived area that those flinging their bank-of-mum-and-dad cash around wouldn’t “dare” live in.

This. All teenagers want is to hang around with other teenagers. Wherever that happens to be.

Yes, I was posting purely in response to thread title.

I did go to museums as a teenager ... Also theatre, gigs, comedy, various things, don't think I ever went to a park though!

I live in central London but grew up in Cheltenham & most of my family are still there. I love them both.
I have a 14 yr old & a 10 yr old in a small flat with a decent balcony next to a tube but they have to share a room. Both of them go to excellent schools, my 14 year old has ASD & the help & support we've had has been excellent. We've had various illnesses & hospital visits over the years & I've no complaints about the hospitals etc.

My family in Cheltenham are still struggling with support for nephews & nieces with various disabilities & have never been as lucky with hospitals, professional support & medical treatment as I have. There are great cultural aspects of living in Cheltenham. It's beautiful, the local theatres & shops are great & the surrounding area is beautiful.

I love living in London & have built up a great network of support & friends. We access the theatre regularly & there are loads of free things to do that my family don't have in Cheltenham. Lots of things are actually cheaper here & more accessible such as swimming lessons, football classes, ice skating, kayaking, paddle boarding to name a few. My children go to great youth programmes locally that usually have no charge. My 14 year old did a week long SFX make up course in the summer for free.

The only thing that makes London living difficult for us is the lack of living space & the fact that we will never have that if we stay.

I totally forgot to say that my teenager & her friends actually seem a bit younger than her peers who have moved out of London. I have a group of friends that I made at local baby groups. All the children are the same age & go to different schools but seem to do the same sort of things.
They can navigate tubes & buses but so far have little interest in doing things other the stuff on their doorstep, cinema, ice skating, bubble tea/Starbucks etc. We all get together a few times a year & the 2 that have moved out of London seem a lot more savvy & streetwise!!

Ambitious perhaps.