Where do you wish you had raised your teenagers?

[CowboyHat]

We have a 3 year old and a 6 year old DD and currently live in zone 1 London. My husband works for a company that has offered him a role in Cheltenham. He’s keen because he thinks it would be a great place to raise kids and we could afford a house with a garden. I work from home so could work from Cheltenham. We have no family in either place so that doesn’t come into it.

I absolutely love living in central London. I think I would really miss it if we left and regularly read posts on mumsnet from people regretting leaving London. I think it would be an amazing place to be a teenager as they would have so much freedom. Our local primary and secondaries are amazing but I believe Cheltenham also has great schools.

So which place would be better to raise teens? What makes where you live brilliant or awful for teens? If you could raise them anywhere, where would you raise them?

@Liorae siblings and I all earn around £100k…..whilst living in the countryside. I don’t think countryside living prevents ambition.

Talking of gardens - I was very glad of my massive garden during lockdown as it became a cricket pitch for my boys and we had enough space to walk around and not feel cooped in. I know it was an unusual time though. Now the teens rarely go in the garden as they simply don't have time but when they do they will still
Kick a ball around with their friends

We're in a large northern city and chose a house with a large garden after a few difficult years in a house with a small concrete yard which was really unsuitable for the kids to play in. Our youngest, age 11, goes to the local park several times a week with his friends and has been doing so independently since around 9. Before that both DC were in the garden daily weather permitting. I would always advocate for a garden with DC if you can. I'm always mindful of the prospect of another lockdown too and our garden was a blessing when we had to isolate.

I am also curious to know what are the free activities in London and how do you find out about them?

For example theater tickets cost upwards of £60 for a good seat , concerts are maybe even more expensive......... kids aren't interested in museums at the moment as they have done it when they were younger ; perhaps sports matches are cheaper

Anyway very interested in the free stuff on the doorstep you Londoners talk about

My London niece is the same age as one of my dds and seems a lot younger. Mine had a very full on rural childhood though so could drive early, cook well early, cope with falling off horses and mucking out various animals, were very physically fit and mentally healthy. They also seem to have better budgeting skills and don't waste money on endless takeaways.

Well it depends what age your kids are and exactly where you are in London so there isn't one answer to this.

Near us we have two theatres which do pay what you can children's theatre. Two organisations which do free holiday clubs - one forest school, one football. The library offers free science workshops. The local museum does free activities of various sorts in the school holidays.

I know less about teenager stuff because my kids are young but as an adult and some of this would appeal to some teens, there is the stuff on the South bank, e.g. the free theatre and music at the scoop. There is a pub locally where comedians practice their Edinburgh festival routines for free.

How do you find out about them? Well, the usual really - local Facebook groups, local area WhatsApp groups, the internet..

Oh and theatre isn't all West End - we go to a lot of people off West end theatre which is usually around 10-20 quid a ticket

Cooking and budgeting skills have nothing whatsoever to do with a rural/urban childhood, it’s simply that you taught your kids this skills and your sibling/sibling in law didn’t.

Well yes, possibly. Not being able to order takeaway food concentrates the mind somewhat though.

I was raised in a ‘nice, middle class’ area of London and I hated the experience. The air is disgusting, particularly on the tube where it’s an official health hazard (official advice is the very young and old shouldn’t even use the tube). Teenage girls are constantly harassed on public transport, in my teens I was groped many times including having a man on the tube shove his erection against me, I was followed by weirdos many times (always managed to lose them before getting home) and mugged. Also began drinking alcohol and experimenting with drugs at age 15, clubbing at 16 which led to casual sex by 17. I told my parents about none of it. Yes it could have happened outside London, but for a quiet girl who prefers books walks and animals, I don’t think I’d have been pressured into certain situations as young outside London. Teenage boys aren’t exactly safe either look at the stabbing statistics for eg Croydon.

Cheltenham is a lovely and lively place with fab access to the countryside and a lot of interesting job opportunities - you’re mad not to want to move there imo.

I think it’s quite selfish to raise children in a city if you have the choice not to.

You can’t really blame London for your own choices. I started clubbing at 15 but I never had casual sex or took hard drugs. I tried cannabis and thought it was a bit shit so didn’t bother with it.

The sexual harassment is a definite downside. And it’s certainly far easier to get drugs in London and other big cities than elsewhere. Not that drugs aren’t everywhere but they’re more plentiful and easy to procure in cities.

Underage sex and drugs are just as likely in the countryside! You can't blame a city for YOUR choices.

@Inkpotlover

I agree. I live in a deprived city (not London). I was brought up on a council estate which is nationally in the bottom 5 percent for poverty stats. I decided I was going to have a nice life from quite an early age and I’ve succeeded. I certainly didn’t get up to too much as a teenager. I looked at what was around me and I wanted more.

*It’s a small predominantly white middle class town.

I do think city kids are generally more independent (this is not particular to London).*

No you have no way of knowing that.

I grew up in Cornwall and I'm super independent. Also managed just fine when I eventually moved to London.

Independence comes from your upbringing.

*It’s a small predominantly white middle class town.

I do think city kids are generally more independent (this is not particular to London).*

No you have no way of knowing that.

I'm super independent and I grew up in Cornwall. Also managed just fine when I moved to London.

Independence comes from your upbringing.

I think your future teenagers can have a great time in both London and Cheltenham. I don't think either would hamper a teenager. There will be social pros and cons to both. They will probably be happy either way. A lot depends on you and their family set up anyway in either location.

What might be a point to consider is that small children who have a bed time turn into full size people who don't. Is space a consideration? A poster mentioned this downstream.

A compact living space now, might drive you nuts later when you have looming teens doing their thing day and night. It's not just about a garden.

Ultimately if you're going to pine for London which you sound like you would, maybe moving just isn't for you. The kids will be fine.

I know what I would do but really that's irrelevant isn't it.

It always seems to be one or the other on Mumsnet. I think it's possible to have the best of both worlds.

I live in a medium sized seaside town with a few restaurants, coffee shops, a cinema, a swimming pool, all schools ofsted good or outstanding, countryside and cosy pubs a few minutes drive away, loads of extracurricular available.

A small city 20 minutes away with a theatre, history, all the high street shops, lots of bars and restaurants etc. DD likely to go to secondary school here.

Also only an hour and a half from London so very easy to do day trips to London for museums, shows, sightseeing.

Also live in a grammar area... but that can see seen as a good or bad thing.

I don't have a teen quite yet though so I may eat my words in a few years!

I used to work in Cheltenham, and my parents lived in Cheltenham, they moved after we left home. I love the place and wouldn't have any issue bringing kids up in that area

My 13 year old still gets up to go outside for a run around - he is full of beans and really struggled in a flat during covid hence the move. So please don't assume that teens don't want/need a garden.

It's always slightly amusing when London dwellers talk about the independence of their teens, managing to get themselves around London. I mean, London public transport couldn't be easier, it's almost completely idiot proof. It would take any non-London dweller minutes to work out how to get from one place to another on the tube.

By way of example there’s a thread from a mother in Devon worrying about 18 and 19 year old kids going to a concert in London - will they get stabbed.

It’s not an unusual attitude to London.

Says the out of towner who’s never had to marshal confused tourists.

Meanwhile country teens are driven around by mum and dad.

We left London as we couldn't afford to live in a non-stabby area and we were scared for the kids. Now in a seaside town, 12 mins into Brighton and 1h10 into London. The kids have so much freedom because it's so safe, it's also pretty boring though, serious lack of diversity and not a lot to do in winter.

Oh come on. London transport couldn't have been made simpler or easier to use. Cheap too. Lots of big cities that aren't London are much trickier to navigate. Teens in London have almost everything handed to them on a plate, cheap transport, mainly excellent state schools which have had wads of money thrown at them, everything available on tap at all times of day or night. No way does this make them more independent or resilient than teens from the rest of the UK.

Only you can decide as we're all different

Go spend time in Cheltenham. Wander round, investigate the amenities and schools and soak up the vibe

I think it sounds like a good option if you can get a bigger house