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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 Year Old DD1 Pregnant

393 replies

VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 22:50

She told me yesterday and I was quite calm (I had a feeling it was coming, as she was struggling with food in exactly the same way i did in early pregnancy). She has some health issues that will impact on her life and we were just getting on top of those. Today we did some practical things - which I think helped both of us feel more in control of the situation. Got scan appointment through for next week - which will provide clarity on dates. This evening I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. Realistically she and the baby will be living here, at least initially, and money will be tight. I need to get my head round how DH and I cope with this along with the other challenges life is throwing at us currently, how we best support DD1 and her boyfriend and how we make sure DD2 isn't adversely affected as she takes her A levels and beyond. Head is spinning and I'm starting to panic. Talk to me, please.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/10/2022 22:52

Ds2 will definitely be adversely affected and if this makes her balls up her exams it could have a big impact on her life.

Why can't your pregnant daughter and her bf go live in a flat?

MaraScottie · 26/10/2022 22:52

Has she unequivocally decided to go ahead with the pregnancy? 18 is very young. She has options if she wants them.

Best of luck with everything.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/10/2022 22:52

Dd2*

BrutusMcDogface · 26/10/2022 22:56

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/10/2022 22:52

Ds2 will definitely be adversely affected and if this makes her balls up her exams it could have a big impact on her life.

Why can't your pregnant daughter and her bf go live in a flat?

This is a bit harsh, isn’t it? I don’t think it’s as easy as that.

what is her relationship like with the bf? Solid? Also, is she working or still in education? Just thinking of maternity pay/allowance.

BrutusMcDogface · 26/10/2022 22:57

Also, do you know bf’s parents? They’re in this with you!

Marmee53 · 26/10/2022 23:05

She'll only be living with you initially?

What is it with this country and their obsession to kick their kids out as soon as they hit 18?

No wonder so many young adults fall at the first hurdle.

I'm 26 and have had my 2nd baby. I own a house, have a stable job and an amazing partner, yet I've stayed with my mum for the last month to help with the baby.

Can you imagine how hard it'll be for an 18 year old? She'll need you for much longer than just the first trimester. Forget financially, but emotionally too.

Marmee53 · 26/10/2022 23:08

I didn't mean to sound judgy, I just think new mums need all the support they can get whether they're 18 or 28.

Financially bf/bf's parents should contribute for baby, but like I said emotionally, your daughter will need you.

Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:33

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/10/2022 22:52

Ds2 will definitely be adversely affected and if this makes her balls up her exams it could have a big impact on her life.

Why can't your pregnant daughter and her bf go live in a flat?

I don't see how they will be able to afford a flat unfortunately. He lives 40 mins away with no public transport and needs to stay in that area for his job (which includes training he's part way through). She isn't working, after becoming unwell towards the end of her A levels. Neither drives. It wasn't planned.

OP posts:
Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:36

MaraScottie · 26/10/2022 22:52

Has she unequivocally decided to go ahead with the pregnancy? 18 is very young. She has options if she wants them.

Best of luck with everything.

Yes, she has definitely decided to go ahead. Currently not sure how far along she is - as she is on the pill, so no real periods. Dating scan next week.

OP posts:
APoll16 · 26/10/2022 23:39

You sound like an amazing mum and she is lucky to have you! Can you all sit down together you & DH, DD & her BF and his parents and discuss how you will all manage this together?

Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:39

VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:36

Yes, she has definitely decided to go ahead. Currently not sure how far along she is - as she is on the pill, so no real periods. Dating scan next week.

Show quote history

18 does feel very young at the moment...

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 26/10/2022 23:41

I am sure it will be ok, its a huge shock and not what anyone would hope for an 18 yo. But my parents were both 19 when they had my big brother... we all turned out OK...

I think what will affect DD2 most is probably the size and layout of your house. Will you all be cramped?

Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:46

BrutusMcDogface · 26/10/2022 22:56

This is a bit harsh, isn’t it? I don’t think it’s as easy as that.

what is her relationship like with the bf? Solid? Also, is she working or still in education? Just thinking of maternity pay/allowance.

Show quote history

Good relationship. He's working, she isn't - as she was quite unwell towards the end of her A levels. Due to long term health conditions, we were in the process of getting support for her to work part time.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 26/10/2022 23:48

is she working?

Pegsmum · 26/10/2022 23:49

My sister in law was 16 when she had her first baby. Her relationship with the father didn’t last and she and baby lived at home with her parents and two younger siblings until she was 28.
The baby was, and still is, the apple of the family’s eye. You will cope, it will be fine.

NoSki · 26/10/2022 23:49

No advice but you sound an amazing mum and the way you reacted to her will be her overiding memory of how you helped

Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:49

BrutusMcDogface · 26/10/2022 22:57

Also, do you know bf’s parents? They’re in this with you!

No. We've never met them. They live 40 minutes away. They've been together since the beginningof this year. BF's Dad is being really supportive - looking at housing options and offering to teach him to drive.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 26/10/2022 23:51

Do her long term health conditions mean the pregnacy is a risk to her health? And has she seriously considered the impact on her life and future career/study options of having a baby when she is barely out of childhood herself?
Have you discussed termination with her as a more sensible option? Does she want a long term relationship with this boyfriend, co parenting a child for 18 years?

Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:53

Marmee53 · 26/10/2022 23:05

She'll only be living with you initially?

What is it with this country and their obsession to kick their kids out as soon as they hit 18?

No wonder so many young adults fall at the first hurdle.

I'm 26 and have had my 2nd baby. I own a house, have a stable job and an amazing partner, yet I've stayed with my mum for the last month to help with the baby.

Can you imagine how hard it'll be for an 18 year old? She'll need you for much longer than just the first trimester. Forget financially, but emotionally too.

Initially as in until the baby is a bit older. No compulsion to kick her out. Fully expecting to support her.

OP posts:
Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:55

Pegsmum · 26/10/2022 23:49

My sister in law was 16 when she had her first baby. Her relationship with the father didn’t last and she and baby lived at home with her parents and two younger siblings until she was 28.
The baby was, and still is, the apple of the family’s eye. You will cope, it will be fine.

Thank you Pegsmum.

OP posts:
Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:56

NoSki · 26/10/2022 23:49

No advice but you sound an amazing mum and the way you reacted to her will be her overiding memory of how you helped

Thank you Noski.

OP posts:
Original poster
VerbenaGirl · 26/10/2022 23:57

Itisbetter · 26/10/2022 23:48

is she working?

No. She was unwell towards the end of her A levels and hadn't yet got a job.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 26/10/2022 23:58

Also no advice but if my dd ever found herself in this situation I would aspire to be as lovely and supportive as you are. You sound like a very good mum 😊

LittleBearPad · 27/10/2022 00:03

BrutusMcDogface · 26/10/2022 22:56

This is a bit harsh, isn’t it? I don’t think it’s as easy as that.

what is her relationship like with the bf? Solid? Also, is she working or still in education? Just thinking of maternity pay/allowance.

Show quote history

At 18 the chances this relationship will last are slim. Are you up for bringing up another child OP? It’s quite possible you’ll have to.

I’d keep the option of a termination open in all your discussions

melchim · 27/10/2022 00:04

Pegsmum · 26/10/2022 23:49

My sister in law was 16 when she had her first baby. Her relationship with the father didn’t last and she and baby lived at home with her parents and two younger siblings until she was 28.
The baby was, and still is, the apple of the family’s eye. You will cope, it will be fine.

This is lovely.

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