Page 15 | 18 Year Old DD1 Pregnant

VerbenaGirl · 2022-10-26T21:50:09+00:00

She told me yesterday and I was quite calm (I had a feeling it was coming, as she was struggling with food in exactly the same way i did in early pregnancy). She has some health issues that will impact on her life and we were just getting on top of those. Today we did some practical things - which I think helped both of us feel more in control of the situation. Got scan appointment through for next week - which will provide clarity on dates. This evening I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. Realistically she and the baby will be living here, at least initially, and money will be tight. I need to get my head round how DH and I cope with this along with the other challenges life is throwing at us currently, how we best support DD1 and her boyfriend and how we make sure DD2 isn't adversely affected as she takes her A levels and beyond. Head is spinning and I'm starting to panic. Talk to me, please.

Realityloom · 28/10/2022 09:37

MondaySunday · 27/10/2022 22:49

What has this got to do with anything I posted there?? :S

I literally just made a point that using nursery/crèche or grandparents for childcare is something mothers of all ages do in order to work. Most women I know are keen to get back to work after maternity leave and it’s completely normal for babies to go into nursery or have grandparents help out.

I was simply pointing out it’s a bit silly to criticise young mums specifically for using nursery or grandparents as childcare when it’s a very normal thing to do for mothers of all ages in order to go to work or continue their career. I didn’t say at any point it’s a good thing for a teen mum to be studying alongside juggling a baby :/

I then replied to a poster about my experiences meeting other young mums, referring to my experience that making sure I didn’t have any more children has made things easier for me..

Very confused by your reply

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Who was critising I gave you my opinion on your post and the other one attached to it too.

No need to respond tbh

alrightfella · 28/10/2022 09:42

I would be disappointed if my dd was pregnant at 18 and I would discuss all options with her. However if she wanted to keep the baby I would fully support her.

However I would be mortified if she ended up in council housing or on benefits. I would do everything I could to support her to continue her own education and achieve well so that she would be able to provide and care for her child independently in future. Realistically this would mean helping to care for them both practically & financially in the short term.

I would do the same for any partner of my son. With full family support I think it's very possible to be a good teen mum if that's the path they choose, but for me it would be dependent on them stepping up to choose to provide a good future for their child.

kirinm · 28/10/2022 10:12

Why would you be "mortified" if she ended up in council housing? It doesn't have to be forever and most of the time isn't.

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:13

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Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 28/10/2022 10:17

alrightfella · 28/10/2022 09:42

I would be disappointed if my dd was pregnant at 18 and I would discuss all options with her. However if she wanted to keep the baby I would fully support her.

However I would be mortified if she ended up in council housing or on benefits. I would do everything I could to support her to continue her own education and achieve well so that she would be able to provide and care for her child independently in future. Realistically this would mean helping to care for them both practically & financially in the short term.

I would do the same for any partner of my son. With full family support I think it's very possible to be a good teen mum if that's the path they choose, but for me it would be dependent on them stepping up to choose to provide a good future for their child.

Why mortified about council housing? I’d rather my dd had a secure council rental than the insecurity of private renting. Nothing wrong with having a council house.

butterfliedtwo · 28/10/2022 10:19

The OP's daughter hasn't intentionally become pregnant.

We don't know that. Could have been seen as a way out somewhat from the demands of education at this time with her mental health the way it is, as per OP, and knowing there's help and housing at her mum's even for the boyfriend.

RandomMusings7 · 28/10/2022 10:22

@JaNaJanice what are you on about?

The study she linked is very much an academic research paper published in a proper academic journal: www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953619306999?via%3Dihub

Sorry, I think you are the one who should be embararased!

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:26

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LittleBearPad · 28/10/2022 10:27

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It’s not possible to update posts on Mumsnet. There’s no edit button. You’re not helping yourself.

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:29

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LittleBearPad · 28/10/2022 10:32

Hen-peckers

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:34

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RandomMusings7 · 28/10/2022 10:37

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She did not edit. I took 1 minute to skim the link she provided and found the link that was listed there to where the articled is publishe on sciencedirect. It takes one minute to figure out it's carried out by professors at university of California and Columbia University and published in the social science and medicine journal.

You should put aside the snarky remarks, improve your reading comprehension and maybe apologise

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:44

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ItHasTheJuice · 28/10/2022 10:46

Mortified about council housing??

Sometimes I think mumsnet is another planet.

Do you not know anybody who lives in council or housing association property?

What exactly is mortifying about it? As PP said I’d rather the security of renting from the council or housing association than privately renting.

LittleBearPad · 28/10/2022 10:52

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Ok then @JaNaJanice I shall write out in full why I used an emoji.

You used the phrase ‘henpeckers’ which is traditionally a phrase used about women and their relationship with their husbands. It seemed singularly inappropriate given the context of your comment and this thread.

Is that better?

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 10:57

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LittleBearPad · 28/10/2022 10:59

It’s an adverb dear.

JaNaJanice · 28/10/2022 11:02

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toomuchlaundry · 28/10/2022 11:10

What are you talking about @JaNaJanice

shinynewapple22 · 28/10/2022 11:22

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 28/10/2022 09:11

so many posters on here banging on about the horrors of teenage pregnancy in here are being really unhelpful to the OP. I’ve already told my teenage pregnancy success story, so won’t go on about that again.

but honestly, what do people think they are going to achieve by going on about how terrible being a teenage mother is? The OPs dd is already pregnant, she wants to keep the baby and OP is being supportive. What is everyone hoping to achieve? For OP to pressure her daughter into an abortion she doesn’t want? Surely that’s far more damaging?!

at the end of the day, despite popular mumsnet belief, having a baby in your teens or very early 20s can work out just fine. It did for me and for lots of people I know. None of us are on benefits, most of us own our own homes and none of us needed any more support than an older mother would. It doesn’t have to be a disaster. That’s not to say say it doesn’t make going back to studying or working harder, obviously you always have someone else to consider. But I’m pretty sure the OP and her daughter know that.

the only thing that would concern me would be her health problems and whether these would be worsened by pregnancy, you don’t mention whether or not that would be the case OP, and hopefully all will be fine.

good luck to you and your dd, I hope it all works out.

Absolutely !!

And for those posters going on about council housing and benefits - you do know that you are allowed to work if housed by the council? My friend's daughter was given a 2
bedroom house through the council due to overcrowding when she and her toddler DD has to return back to live with her parents following the breakdown of her relationship. She has always worked - part time to start with and increasing her hours when her daughter started school .

Pipsquiggle · 28/10/2022 12:04

I think I might have annoyed @JaNaJanice - I didn't see her deleted post.

Here's the actual link to the study if that helps www.ansirh.org/research/ongoing/turnaway-study

The main finding of The Turnaway Study is that receiving an abortion does not harm the health and wellbeing of women.........

Part of my job is to use verified data sets and triangulate data points. I provided JaNa the evidence. I merely asked her for her data set to corroborate her statement:
"Many people feel very differently about using contraception than they do aborting a pregnancy, a large segment of the population in fact.
What clarification can I offer you on this point?"

CornishGem1975 · 28/10/2022 13:08

@Pipsquiggle

The main finding of The Turnaway Study is that receiving an abortion does not harm the health and wellbeing of women.........

It harmed mine.

Pipsquiggle · 28/10/2022 13:21

CornishGem1975 · 28/10/2022 13:08

@Pipsquiggle

The main finding of The Turnaway Study is that receiving an abortion does not harm the health and wellbeing of women.........

It harmed mine.

@CornishGem1975 I am very sorry about that. I hope your DD is OK.

I guess that's the difference between data and a single lived experience.

What happened to your DD must have been awful, I hope she has recovered, however, most women simply do not experience what your DD did.

BTW - I think originally @JaNaJanice took umbridge with me because I stated to OP
"What I can't understand is that she was on contraception, so actively trying NOT to get pregnant but it sounds like she is flat refusing to consider an abortion."

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 28/10/2022 13:33

Pipsquiggle · 28/10/2022 13:21

@CornishGem1975 I am very sorry about that. I hope your DD is OK.

I guess that's the difference between data and a single lived experience.

What happened to your DD must have been awful, I hope she has recovered, however, most women simply do not experience what your DD did.

BTW - I think originally @JaNaJanice took umbridge with me because I stated to OP
"What I can't understand is that she was on contraception, so actively trying NOT to get pregnant but it sounds like she is flat refusing to consider an abortion."

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Does the data differentiate between those women for whom having an abortion was 100% their decision and those who felt pressured into it.

I imagine an abortion would be easier to handle (still difficult though) if you felt you made the decision yourself and were confident it was the right decision for you at that time. Much harder if you felt like you wanted to keep the baby but everyone around you was telling you that you won’t cope, you’re too young etc and to get an abortion against your better judgement ( no matter if others think your judgment is wrong).