Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

I am absolutely sick and tired of teenagers today. From the first thing in the morning to the last thing it’s a stream of rudeness, lack of consideration, self-righteous bullshit and general horrible behaviour and that’s not even anything out of the ordinary.

They can be so labour intensive and such arse holes !!!!!!! Excuse the French!

this sounds so simple, but is my pet hate - get up in the morning with full day planned.
teenager is ill and has to stay at home

AAAAARRRGH

I don't know why it is so crap. Probably becuase said teen then needs attention all day, when I am busy, and also because my precious headspace has just been stolen away.
I think it is because the whole time she is home we have to work to her agenda, her needs for the sake of her mental health.

@steppemum

Yes and then they won't help themselves by taking tablets eating well or drinking enough. I feel your pain.

I agree. Even though mine are quite self-contained when they are ill off school it’s the headspace. I have one day off a week which I mostly use for chores and I really value the time alone.

My DD13 always times her illnesses for my day off. In some ways I’m grateful that she is considerate enough not to throw a sickie when I’m at work but I think she thinks I just sit around waiting for her to come home when she’s not here 🤦‍♀️

sounds extremely hard work. Has your eldest recovered and settled down now she is 21?

Jeeez. Dd is evil this evening. We are waiting for dentist and she is like Medusa hissing at me and her brother. I think it's because she is worried about what he will say. She had a teeny dark spot last time and she thinks all her teeth are going to drop out!! Over dramatic much.

Mine is a Medusa tonight too. Stomped in and opened the cupboards
‘Is there anything to eat?’
’yes, there’s toast and…’
‘huh, never mind!’ Stomp stomp stomp, scowl, scowl.

I’ve got a headache. I’m tired. I’m attempting to make things slightly more pleasant for her younger brother. Can’t be bothered with her histrionics tonight!

On the other hand, she has exam week and it was her least favourite subject today. She’ll be anxious about an evening out we’re supposed to have tomorrow, which she had wanted but now probably doesn’t. And she’s 13. I know. But I’m too tired!!

@parrotonmyshoulder you have my sympathies mine has been a similar day but with a migraine thrown in for good measure. No sympathy from my DD also 13.

I had a huge meltdown earlier in the week. I was having a perfectly lovely and interesting convo with my 14yo DD. Eldest (asd) inserts himself into the conversation and dd who is so desperate for his validation and approval (because he is so aloof and superior - currently undergoing diagnosis for DID) and they both turned on me and I felt so hanged up on. Honestly, sometimes it all feels too much. Not sure if any of that made sense but needed to get it off my chest! Hope you're all doing ok!

To add, my eldest (20y/o) attempted suicide a month ago so I'm beyond strung out dealing with the aftermath of that and doing me best to hold everything together.

@CandyLeBonBon <flowers> I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

I feel as if all my creativity and emotional connection are rammed into a closed box...

I can relate to that, although to be fair I have multiple issues going on atm so can't blame it entirely on the Teen.

Thankfully she finally finished with the boyfriend and has been on a much more even keel again and back on track with her studies and UCAS application. However, she came home yesterday in a grump and it turns out this was the weekend she was supposed to be going to London with the BF doing lovely romantic, Instagrammable stuff.

So I've cancelled my plans for tomorrow and am taking her out for the day to Christmas Market and dinner. Favourite meal and cheesy film tonight. Hope she appreciates it but not holding my breath.

She's a really good kid on the whole but I can never seem to say or do anything right.
I can feel her slipping away, as she should I guess and she'll be off to uni in less than a year.

She says she wants me to build a better life so she doesn't worry about me when she goes (pandemic basically cost me my job, my dad, my mental health and my social life) but when I try to put myself first she gets the hump, even Iver tiny things.

Told her the other day I was planning a binge watch session next Sunday night as the new Strike TV adaptation is out and may be on iPlayer in full. Her response "Humph...the night before my mocks start...OK then..."

Just so frustrating.

covid house here.
grump.

on a more serious note I have just booked myself for some counselling.
I just feel that I need some more support.
I felt like such a huge step to even book it.

I think we need the counselling as much as our teens. I found this weekend hard and I have no one to really talk to as I feel a bit ashamed. (I know I shouldn’t…but I do)

my DD is a recovered anorexic (at 13 no less) I completely overreacted when she refused to eat her sandwich in a cafe. I didn’t handle it well.

I just find it all exhausting and my younger DCs are ignored

how did you find your counsellor?

Another drama this morning. Forgetting art folder resulted in meltdown and wouldn't go into 1st period.

Told dh and he went off on one and stressed me more. Hope he calms down before coming home tonight.

Got docs appt for her insomnia this afternoon.

I'm sitting here near tears.
I hate my life at the moment.

But yesterday and sat we had a lovely day with her.

I have a good friend who is a retired counsellor. I asked her for a recommendation (I would really have just liked to talk to her every week, she knows me and my kids, but she is retired and now ill 😟)

I gave her a couple of things that matter to me, eg that she had some understanding of trans issues and teens and she recommended someone.

She (counsellor) phoned me this morning to talk through her contract etc and I cried just talking to her. I am so burnt out with parenting. But you don't get to stop, take time out. You can't be sigend off with stress from your family, you don't get to have a sabbatical, and even going away for the weekend takes such planning and cost because we scaffold dd2 so much in her emotional life, and we get kick back from her afterwards.

Couldn’t get my dd into school this morning /
feeling sick, tummy pains etc
stress about friendship issues again
she hasn’t wanted me to speak to school about the excluding / bullying behaviour but I’ve just had to - spoke to her form tutor today / hope it helps and doesn’t all blow up in our faces ….. feels so out of control 🥲

@shmiz
Been there. It's truly shit isn't it

Sending big hugs to all who are struggling. Both my teens are having friendship/on-off/ you’re included then not issues. So exhausting for them and makes them so anxious!
Why are kids sooo mean?!

You are not alone!!

My Dd 14, has been off school 2 and a half weeks and won’t be going back until new year. We could feel her mental health wasn’t great but it all came to a head two weeks ago and she suffered a full on nervous breakdown. We were terrified as was she. The GP we saw the following day didn’t hesitate to prescribe fluoxetine. She could see how bad things were and felt it would be cute to have her on a waiting list for camhs. Gp said even privately we could be waiting 2 months to see a psychiatrist. So here we are two weeks later, with school out of the equation (she is very academic and part of the problem was the pressure she was putting on herself as well as the expectation she felt from teachers). Things seem to be heading in the right direction. Glimpses of the old DD are returning. Shes doing things she loves again, has split with her boyfriend of 9 months (which is a good thing) and is making an effort to see friends again. Back to gp for meds review tomorrow and hopefully a meeting about returning to school in January.

Just had a few tears, releasing stress from last 2 weeks. DS hasn't made it in to school for that time, came home one day and said 'I'm not (cant) doing it anymore' - couldn't cope with school, final straw teacher humiliating him in front of class, couldn't answer question, he kept on and on at DS who then just froze and couldn't speak. He stopped sleeping at night, full of anxiety. Hoping to get him back before Christmas but gutted he is only going because he has to, feel like I'm sending him into a lion's den. School have mentioned fines, feel hounded.

So hard for them all

I wish we could
Just scrap ofsted and trust teachers I'm sure that would help take pressure of staff and kids.

I a child of the 70s and life seemed simple. Local school. No ofsted. Clever kids went to uni. Not many tbh

Others got a job or went collage

Jobs were easier to get. Conditions
Better

Uni was free

Life's just so hard for them now so much pressure on them.

No wonder many are crumbling plus social media 😡

Good morning. Glad to have found this thread. My normally delightful DS17 is a right grump these days. His final year of school should be fun but he is just floating about going through the motions. Not engaged with anything, moping about bored but does nothing about it. Moans about sore leg, have to practically drag him to phone to make doctor appointment. Sounds like I have it easy compared to some of the stories on here (which I can relate to having gone through similar with DD) but DS was always a happy go lucky guy and now he’s just unpleasant to me. It’s hard. I always have to do the heavy lifting in parenting, DH just follows behind backing me up but doesn’t notice when things are off. It’s so mentally exhausting. It never ends, even when they leave home. I agree wholeheartedly with @HeBeaverandSheBeaver it did seem so much simpler back then and I’m sure my parents and other parents never got as stressed as this generation seem to.