Taking teens on holiday - I'm done!

[ForAFriend123]

So as we near the end of a week away in Turkey, am I wrong in making a vow to NEVER take our teens away again.

Booked this holiday against my better judgement anyway as wasn't sure we could afford it, but was overruled.
Great resort, nothing fancy but just what we needed.

BUT... 17 year old DS has been hideous. Sleeps most of day, surfaces about 3pm demanding to know what the evening plans are. Pesters about going to eat at restaurants (which costs more money). Once we get out he then demands to know what time we'll get back to hotel so he can meet his mates and drink til early hours. Once he's eaten sits there moaning until I give up and we leave. Endlessly pushes curfew and of course I can't sleep til he's in whilst DH lays there snoring!

14 DD slightly more tolerable although again acting like spoilt brat on steroids. Only remotely pleasant when doing what she wants/buying something. God forbid we ask her to get us a drink and you'd think she was a child slave!

DH had zero holidays as a child and seems to be making it up for it by planning bigger and better every year for our 2, but Christ on a bike I've had a gutful.

Where are these families who enjoy quality "bonding"'time away?? Perfectly enjoying each others company, witty repartee, being actually nice to each other!

We're home!
As we pulled into drive DS said "thanks for best holiday ever!"

FFS! 🙄

All of them. Every single disgusting child. I took my kids to America and then a Caribbean cruise. Every single activity catered to them. I did not get to go to a blues club. I did not get to go to a plantation museum. I did not get to go to an art gallery. I can remember walking crying through universal studios and the giant mall they made me go to. Did DS15 give a stuff about me? The hell he did. I remember phoning my dad asking him if there was any way for him to mail me his adhd meds and him telling me that no, he can’t mail me his meds to a ship.

that was also apparently the best holiday ever. I can’t tell you how close I was to pushing him into some crocodiles or leaving them and getting my own hotel.

So he enjoyed himself - just not in the way you wanted him to enjoy it.

I thought DS16 had a really good time on our UK break. We hadn't forced him on any walks, he'd spent most of his time holed up playing pool with his cousins oh and DH paid for him to join a local weight lifting gym while we were there.

DH asked him on the way home if he'd enjoyed himself "Ok, I suppose" was the best we got before he plugged his airpods back in .

About to holiday with DS19 and DS15 for a fortnight starting tomorrow ( easyJet and Gatwick airport permitting). I’m quite apprehensive, worried about cancelled flights, heatwaves and of course teenage disengagement. Will report back.

This kind of martyrdom annoys me. Of course, teenagers are not going to want to go to a blues club. Why did you not go yourself? And there must have been some activities you would have enjoyed on the ship? If not, why did you book it?

I did not get to go to a blues club. I did not get to go to a plantation museum. I did not get to go to an art gallery. I can remember walking crying through universal studios and the giant mall they made me go to.
How did they make you go (sobbing of course) to Universal Studios and a mall? Gunpoint?

I'm assuming these less-than-sympathetic replies don't come from parents with a teen with adhd

I assume that most of the badly behaved teenagers do not have ADHD.

I took my DDs abroad on holidays for their entire childhood, including the teen years. They were good company (I was widowed when they were babies, so we were very close).
We often shared a triple room in hotels, and I picked holidays to interesting places we could all enjoy, eg city breaks, wildlife sanctuaries, tours.
Rather than a hot boring beach, where fair skinned autistic DD1 would be burned and miserable, we had a mix of activities. For example in Italy we were based at Lake Garda, but attended the opera at Verona - magical in the Roman amphitheatre among candles and fireflies - sailed round Venice on a gondola, had a day trip to Milan, etc.
DD2 moaned in advance about going to Poland when she was 16, which she thought would be “crappy” - but fabulous Krakow and the amazing underground cathedral carved out of salt at Wieliczka impressed her, and the utterly moving and shocking experience of seeing Auschwitz provoked discussion for weeks.
I realise teens vary, but if you can get them interested in the culture and history of the destination, and you have a basically good relationship with them, of mutual respect, then holidays can be not just survivable but very enjoyable. Mine loved trying out phrases in the various local languages too!

@SoupDragon I'm referring only to the unsupportive comments made toward @Pertinentowl and her post, calling her a martyr etc.
it's not always possible to leave a 15 year with adhd old alone so you can go to a blues club (impulsivity, risk taking behaviour) and although I think she should have insisted on doing some activities even if he didn't want to she might not have enjoyed them due to his response (emotional disregulation, anger!)

It may be normal now, but I'm not sure it's really the baseline we should be accepting as parents.

I’m sure we all get that it’s not always possible to leave a 15 year-old with ADHD alone. So why was she blaming the child? Why was it his fault that she didn’t get to go to a blues club? Why was she in tears at going to a mall?

Not everyone has to be ‘supportive’ of every poster.

I don't think it's normal.. Could understand a 17yr old maybe having a few drinks but to get repeatedly steaming drunk night after night on a family holiday is definitely not the norm.

We must be really lucky as we are holidaying with our soon to be 17 year old and he's fantastic company, gets involved, makes us laugh and is really sociable. He's always been like that though. We don't drink and nor does he. Half of his mates drink and half don't.

He's got plenty of time to catch up with the drinking he's only 16 ffs and he's on holiday with his parents who don't drink of course he's not drinking (on holiday). 😂😂

DD17 doesn’t drink either at home or on holiday
I wouldn’t mind if she did but she’s not interested, not all teens do

Is it that hard to understand that not every teen is focused on getting drunk as much as possible on holiday or otherwise? Some teens are, others aren't interested. It's not a new idea.

You live and learn. At the time I was desperately focused on giving them this amazing American tour experience that is how I remembered my mum and dad given us when we were young. I remembered that holiday from my childhood as the most magical thing in the universe. Actually the photos popped up in my memories today and he was 13, not 15. And it was the start of a really rocky three years for him. He seemed to have no emotional regulation at that time and I wished I lived in a country with better mental health support. And when he wants to; he can push every single button a person has in the world it took a good while to learn not to feed into the loop.
He’s 19 now and while every now and then he has a day you want to strangle him, he’s also the one that can make things really fun and exciting and adventurous. I don’t know if it’s a personality thing or an ADHD thing. We just went to a three day rap festival. Also Clapham junction station. He found both places enchanting and interesting.
I… don’t know why.
He did eventually apologise for that holiday.
but yea, managing a teen with adhd and depression and no support, you are a martyr. You are trying to figure out what works.
However, now we are out of the teens, I am glad I never sold him on ebay.

Of course not but you are talking about a 16 year old. Come back when he’s 20!

Those with an easy child can be insufferably smug about their parenting skills -my mil was like this - first born was a doddle and she judged everyone in sight for their inferior management - she thought she was shit hit….till she had two very difficult babies and then she learnt some humility. I have a challenging child and an easy child, I understand completely where she is coming from - I have learnt (for us) holidays are something to take in short bursts in the teenage years.

Thanks for the heads up. Last time we had a holiday abroad my kids were 11 and 14, they're now 15 and 18!!! Going to be a bit different!! Pleased we're not all inclusive now!

It's going to be interesting. We go away next week and 14yo ds is a miserable sod most of the time.

He's only happy when he's being fed or buying stuff he wants. He demands to know what our plans are then complains. I can't say anything right.

@Cinemaandsweets we resorted to bribery. Daily allowance based on behaviour. Accepted he needed some time out from us. Keep your expectations low.

I think at 17 this probably does constitute a good holiday. I would let him get on with it TBH.