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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Taking teens on holiday - I'm done!

155 replies

ForAFriend123 · 13/07/2022 07:05

So as we near the end of a week away in Turkey, am I wrong in making a vow to NEVER take our teens away again.

Booked this holiday against my better judgement anyway as wasn't sure we could afford it, but was overruled.
Great resort, nothing fancy but just what we needed.

BUT... 17 year old DS has been hideous. Sleeps most of day, surfaces about 3pm demanding to know what the evening plans are. Pesters about going to eat at restaurants (which costs more money). Once we get out he then demands to know what time we'll get back to hotel so he can meet his mates and drink til early hours. Once he's eaten sits there moaning until I give up and we leave. Endlessly pushes curfew and of course I can't sleep til he's in whilst DH lays there snoring!

14 DD slightly more tolerable although again acting like spoilt brat on steroids. Only remotely pleasant when doing what she wants/buying something. God forbid we ask her to get us a drink and you'd think she was a child slave!

DH had zero holidays as a child and seems to be making it up for it by planning bigger and better every year for our 2, but Christ on a bike I've had a gutful.

Where are these families who enjoy quality "bonding"'time away?? Perfectly enjoying each others company, witty repartee, being actually nice to each other!

OP posts:
Redstripeyellowstripe · 13/07/2022 10:53

NOTANUM · 13/07/2022 10:45

Come back and let us know how that worked out 😀

It’s like expectant parents saying they’d never allow dummies/plastic Fisher Price toys/iPads.. Real life isn’t always pretty!

I’d also say that one teen can be divine and another a nightmare in the same family so it’s not always a lack of boundaries.

Show quote history

Yep, and I said my teens would never spend days in their bedrooms, we all got on well, enjoyed spending time together blah blah blah - seem they were a little late with that - it started at 15 - I had to eat my words.😂

Lovinglife45 · 13/07/2022 10:56

You are staying at an all inclusive holiday resort yet still dining out to appease your son! I would say no, if my dc wanted to to do so then they pay for themselves.

Some children do not know when they are born.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/07/2022 10:56

Took our son to Istanbul when he was14. Spent a lot of time wanting to stay in flat on his own as some 'issue' going on with several school friends, and actually ruined it for us . In the end we told him that the next year would be the last 'family' holiday till he was an adult and behaved like one. We went to Los Angeles next year (partly work) booked him his own room , in swanky hotel and it was all ok as we did our own thing and told him he could stay round hotel and room till 3pm and we would then meet up - however never went again with him till he was21 and paying!

Butterflytattoo · 13/07/2022 11:01

So far, holidays with our teens have been great. (Now 18 and 17). We always do villa with a pool and plan out in advance "days out" and days just to chill out by the pool. We play cards, chat, eat together - normal holiday stuff... They both drink (and probably to excess when we're not around) but stick to reasonable amounts of wine when they're with us...

SirenSays · 13/07/2022 11:59

I loved holidays as a teen, I gave my parents space to have their own holiday and they did the same for me.

Lola4321 · 13/07/2022 12:02

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zighead · 13/07/2022 12:15

I would be so annoyed with the hotel serving alcohol to those under 18. Bet they wouldn't take any responsibility if there was some sort of crime and the police involved.

LilacPoppy · 13/07/2022 12:27

@Sally090807 it’s not a normal experience with my teenagers.

YouSoundLovely · 13/07/2022 12:27

I have to say I raised my eyebrows at the drinking too. And I have a 17yo who enjoys the odd beer or wine (both of which are legal from 16 where we live). I certainly wouldn't be allowing him to drink to excess while on holiday with us, let alone daily!

ivykaty44 · 13/07/2022 12:29

holidays are personal for everyone and not everyone wants the same thing, this means teens to

Why can't he make his own way back to see his mates from the restaurant?

Why don't you sleep? not sleeping isn't going to stop anything happening, you'll get woken if something does

Original poster
ForAFriend123 · 13/07/2022 12:40

To clarify I am neither fine nor encouraging of drinking excessively. However I am also realistic enough to realise that unless I police him the whole holiday he is going to do what a lot of other teens do at that age. There is very little regulation by bar staff even when they are wearing child wrist bands!

I also wish I could just switch off at night and hope for the best. My Mum was the same, couldn't sleep until she heard key in the door!

OP posts:
Lola4321 · 13/07/2022 12:51

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/07/2022 13:01

I hear ya! I am really glad that we are past that stage now. At the risk of playing top trumps/elevenerife with you, we are a blended family. The last family holiday involved teen DD, teen SDD, who is rather challenging and doesn't get on with DD despite her best efforts (unbiased, unless she is nipping her when I'm not looking) and DD's boyfriend. Had to have big apartment to accomodate all bedrooms, which was expensive and crap oven etc. Looked fab, all fur coat, no knickers. DSD spent much of the week attention seeking and ignoring me when I spoke to her. Cost a fortune in eating out, mostly due to crap oven, involved very complicated travel arrangements of DD and BF on train as not a car big enough without two cars (only one parking place). We have never spent so much money to be so stressed out tbh.

Those of us that remember fondly going on hollies with our parents, I would have been too scared to be a pita. As I have said to DD (now grown up and a teacher) that the trouble with this generation is that they aren't scared of us at all Grin Slightly tongue in cheek, but it's there. My DM and DF didn't want/expect to be friends with me, they were parent role only.

Lola4321 · 13/07/2022 13:06

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Bouledeneige · 13/07/2022 13:07

Mine are older thankfully - they gave the option to come or not so if they do they join in and are friendly.

I did have a particularly moody 13yr old DS in Iceland who refused to get out of the car in a stunning location. And my BF's DD 15 refused to leave the motel to see the Grand Canyon! I waited 50 years to see it!

maddiemookins16mum · 13/07/2022 13:14

ForAFriend123 · 13/07/2022 07:05

So as we near the end of a week away in Turkey, am I wrong in making a vow to NEVER take our teens away again.

Booked this holiday against my better judgement anyway as wasn't sure we could afford it, but was overruled.
Great resort, nothing fancy but just what we needed.

BUT... 17 year old DS has been hideous. Sleeps most of day, surfaces about 3pm demanding to know what the evening plans are. Pesters about going to eat at restaurants (which costs more money). Once we get out he then demands to know what time we'll get back to hotel so he can meet his mates and drink til early hours. Once he's eaten sits there moaning until I give up and we leave. Endlessly pushes curfew and of course I can't sleep til he's in whilst DH lays there snoring!

14 DD slightly more tolerable although again acting like spoilt brat on steroids. Only remotely pleasant when doing what she wants/buying something. God forbid we ask her to get us a drink and you'd think she was a child slave!

DH had zero holidays as a child and seems to be making it up for it by planning bigger and better every year for our 2, but Christ on a bike I've had a gutful.

Where are these families who enjoy quality "bonding"'time away?? Perfectly enjoying each others company, witty repartee, being actually nice to each other!

Villa holidays are the way to go. Own bedrooms, pool, sometimes a games room.

PatternedPinkPlate · 13/07/2022 13:25

Took teenager , 2 weeks, fabulous villa, all lovely.
Wouldn’t come out of their room, it was a hideous mess, and wrappers everywhere, luckily I checked before the cleaners arrived one day.
On the last day, they complained that they hadn’t got a tan. they had been in their lovely bedroom, almost the whole time.
Lovely private pool ignored, absolute madness.

Iamblossom · 13/07/2022 13:28

My DSes are 16 and 18. We are probably reaching the age where the older one won't go on holiday with us for much longer but as we go to lovely places with lovely accommodation he may still.

If either of my children behaved towards me with the lack of respect you describe, and forgot that they are beyond privileged I wouldn't take them anyway.

We are aware they don't want to do all the things we do, so we leave them in bed and go out on our own. Get back together in the evening to play cards, have dinner. They both drink, but not to excess and I trust them.

Rudeness and disrespect and ingratitude are not tolerated. Maybe that's just us.

SimonaRazowska · 13/07/2022 13:30

I think the issue may be with the all inclusive set up!

And expectations (yours, theirs)

My teens (17 and 19) can be lazy, grumpy, get drunk, smoke weed, stay in bed until 3pm, they are not saints or model kids

But our holidays have always worked out well. We can't really afford all inclusive type holidays, but we usually stay with family. So they have their cousins for company, and we just do a bbq whilst they do their own thing. Grandpa has been offering them beer since they were 12 Grin . We go for walks (without them), visit museums or towns (they sometimes come), they play guitar with their uncles, It is not a real holiday-holiday though

Not sure what they would be like in an all inclusive! I imagine they'd sleep all day and be silly and drink in the evening... recipe for disaster?

Sometimes I think it is harder to raise kids when you have money to spoil them and do things like AI holidays, it's almost as if all this luxury is not good for them, somehow. I know for lots of people doing AI abroad is their "normal" but for me it's unimaginable luxury Grin

I'd LOVE to go on an AI holiday, but for us as a family I guess that ship has sailed! DS is going to France on his own to stay with friends of ours, that should hopefully be fun for him... hope he's not going to be bratty

Cameleongirl · 13/07/2022 13:33

@Lola4321 I agree that the OP needs to be stricter with her DS, but are you seriously saying that you never had a drink at 17?

We regularly went to the pub during sixth form, back in the days when checking ID’s was less stringent.

Cameleongirl · 13/07/2022 13:35

And I agree with @SimonaRazowska that the all-inclusive set up is contributing to the problem, it’s v. different when they actually have to pay for their drinks!

antelopevalley · 13/07/2022 13:37

Oh god, the alcohol on tap sounds awful.
Otherwise, the trick with teens is to let them do what they want. So I say we are going to eat at x place and will be staying there as long as we want. You are welcome to join us. But we are not leaving early for you although you can leave by yourself.
You have to make daily plans, tell them what you are doing, and they can join in or do their own thing.
But the alcohol on tap adds a scary dimension.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 13/07/2022 13:38

I think some of these responses are very harsh. Yes, OP’s son is being a brat - especially over things like moaning they’re not eating out when it’s all inclusive - but do none of you remember being 17? That desperation for independence, but at the same time still feeling reliant on your parents and not really knowing how to break away?

The people posting eye-rolling emojis because their 17 year-old doesn’t want to ‘hang out’ with his little sister, or doesn’t appreciate the beautiful mountain views - that’s called being a teenager! No 17 year-old boy wants to ‘hang out’ with his little sister. It’s not hanging out - it’s babysitting!

I last went away with my parents at the age of 17, and frankly I was a year too old. My mother begged and emotionally blackmailed me to try to get me to go at 18, but I stood firm and I’m glad I did.

OP - on a serious note, is your son going to university? Because if you can’t sleep without knowing he’s back home, you’ll need to find a way to deal with that, and soon. You’re not going to be able to tell him how much to drink and when any more, or when to come home. Some of his holiday behaviour might be childish, but maybe you need to let him grow up a bit.

antelopevalley · 13/07/2022 13:39

PatternedPinkPlate · 13/07/2022 13:25

Took teenager , 2 weeks, fabulous villa, all lovely.
Wouldn’t come out of their room, it was a hideous mess, and wrappers everywhere, luckily I checked before the cleaners arrived one day.
On the last day, they complained that they hadn’t got a tan. they had been in their lovely bedroom, almost the whole time.
Lovely private pool ignored, absolute madness.

It is madness, but if they are happy just let them get on with it.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 13/07/2022 13:46

Watching with trepidation- we go away on Saturday- me, DH, DD(18), DD (17) and DS (14)!
In general they have been pretty good on holiday in the past. Yeah, they don't get up in the mornings, but we tend to do villa holidays with not much happening. I'm guessing this year the 2 eldest will possibly want to go out to a bar without us, and I'll be ok with that. I was away on holiday with a friend aged 17- abroad, on our own, no mobile phones, a severe lack of funds and still managed plenty drinking. I haven't turned out to be a deadbeat, so I think they'll be ok. I laugh at all the parents who get all judgy at other people's teens drinking underage- when I was 17 it was those parents' kids that were the worst when they got away from them!!

My bigger worry than taking my teens is that we are also taking my father this year. I love him to bits but he often drives me crazy these days! I think the only answer will be to hit the gin myself!