Taking teens on holiday - I'm done!

[ForAFriend123]

So as we near the end of a week away in Turkey, am I wrong in making a vow to NEVER take our teens away again.

Booked this holiday against my better judgement anyway as wasn't sure we could afford it, but was overruled.
Great resort, nothing fancy but just what we needed.

BUT... 17 year old DS has been hideous. Sleeps most of day, surfaces about 3pm demanding to know what the evening plans are. Pesters about going to eat at restaurants (which costs more money). Once we get out he then demands to know what time we'll get back to hotel so he can meet his mates and drink til early hours. Once he's eaten sits there moaning until I give up and we leave. Endlessly pushes curfew and of course I can't sleep til he's in whilst DH lays there snoring!

14 DD slightly more tolerable although again acting like spoilt brat on steroids. Only remotely pleasant when doing what she wants/buying something. God forbid we ask her to get us a drink and you'd think she was a child slave!

DH had zero holidays as a child and seems to be making it up for it by planning bigger and better every year for our 2, but Christ on a bike I've had a gutful.

Where are these families who enjoy quality "bonding"'time away?? Perfectly enjoying each others company, witty repartee, being actually nice to each other!

I feel your pain! Luckily me and dh are on the same page and the youngest is now old enough to stay home and pet sit!

Also be glad he is out socialising in actual person op! Dd 14 here chats to friends on line a lot! 🤨

I hear you.
One seems distraught that it isn’t like Love Island with people in bikinis and high heels at the poolside.
Too old for water parks, too young for bars and a loathing for sightseeing. It’s not an easy stage.

All of us on a similar page, let's ditch the ungrateful spawn (and any OHs of a similar ilk) and skip off into the sunset together.

We can sunbathe/sightsee/people watch/drink cocktails/read/shop to our hearts content!! 😍

Currently on holiday with a soon to be 16 year old trying to get them up for the breakfast in the hotel 🤪 what a nightmare and god forbid if I actually try and hold a conversation!!!!

Anything I ask do you want to do x,y and z is given an answer of Nah 🤨

I’d be tempted to let the 17 year old go feral. Give him his day’s spends to get his own dinner. He could have been married since 16.

I would give up on that. My daughter has the little long life brioches or porridge in a pot in the hotel room while we go for breakfast.

Nah. That wouldn't solve my anxiety about what he's getting up to!
Besides ain't a girl on the planet that would want to marry him at this stage!!

Wow. Most of these behaviors would consider abusive by a spouse but seem to be accepted from a teen.

Did a few...last one they were fully consulted on. They slept till 3pm everyday - moaned that they could hear us making coffee at 8am and had a hairy fit. I frankly couldn't see the point in them coming - holiday was a lot more expensive, they were totally miserable, if they weren't getting their own way, slept the rest of the time - it felt like an utter drag and I called an end to it. I'd rather stay at home and spend the money on something for us when they had gone off to Uni.

Now they are back for the summer - they thought we'd be taking them somewhere nice - promised they'd changed, I wasn't convinced - 2 weeks at home has shown me they are still the same, we will not be taking them anywhere. They are just about tolerable at home - there's nothing joyful about spending money to spend time with just about tolerable. We work too hard to spend 2 weeks holidays with bad attitude.

Yanbu op. I was a vile teenager to take on holiday, I'm embarrassed to admit I ruined more than one family holiday when I was a teen. In my defence I did say to my parents that I didn't want to go but they insisted on dragging me along. Fast forward many years when I became a parent of teens I actually listened to them when they said they didn't want to come and so I didn't take them. Although as a single parent my holidays have been few and far between anyway but I knew I wasn't going to force them to come as well.

Also have great memories of family holidays as a teen - way back before phones were invented! I think that's the crux of it half of the time. Social media = FOMO for them.

Holidays with teens are brutal! The last time we took ds (our youngest) away he was 15 and he hated it. Dh and I then had a few years of dh going away with friends and me going away with friends.
We’ve come through the other side of it and are having a family holiday this year with dd(25) and ds(20) and are all really looking forward to it-the adult years are shaping up great!

Sorry but I love my teens. They still love a holiday with us. But then my 15yr old is always saying she's really sad all her friends seem to hate their parents!

Maybe you need to relax your expectations a bit? If your kids don't respect you at home why would holiday be any different?

I'm taking 20+ 14-18 yr olds to what is essentially a week long festival for kids this month. They are funny, kind and interesting. All the ages interact and enjoy playing games in the evening.
No they aren't all the same personalities or social demographic, just normal teens. Quite a few will be absolutely vile to parents- if they do it in front of me I pull them up on it every time.
I set boundaries and they actually try to keep each other in line because they appreciate what we do for them.

What do you want from a family holiday?

What is daily life like?
Looking at those two questions separately then ask is the first realistic give the answers to the second?

Did you ask the teens what they wanted from the holiday?

Glad it's not just me!

TBF if I felt like they were remotely being "dragged along" I could sort of understand the attitude.
But they were excited and actively involved in the research/planning. There is literally nothing about this holiday that warrants such bratty behaviour.

DS came with us in 2019 then we were locked down, last September we did ten days without him, the house was still standing when we came back.👌

This year he is 21 and didn't want to come with us, fair enough, about two weeks before we travelled he asked if he could join us for a few days, it was a good compromise, he found cheap walk on tickets, we brought some shorts and t-shirts etc for him and we had four lovely days together.

Before he joined us I rang home and asked if the boys were over, and the reply came back, no did that on Saturday having an empty house is a bit dull to be honest Mum.

So point of this post is take heart OP, there is a middle ground and it worked for us.

Sorry but I love my teens
you're so right, that's where I'm going wrong, I don't love my own children!!

@Badlifeday I didn't mean I love my kids and you all don't. I meant I love spending time with my kids

This is a sad thread! I really hope when my DC get to mid teens they will be grateful for the opportunity to go on holiday. This seems like such selfish spoilt behaviour. Especially given the prices of going away, and all inclusive holidays aren't cheap!

My Dd is 19 and we are really looking forward to a week away together in August. Only going to Cardiff but will do some days out, water sports, pubs etc. She is great company and we will take turns cooking etc. So bear with your teenagers it my get easier!!

Commiserations 💐 but thanks for making me appreciate my teens. They've always been great on holidays but we never do all-inclusive, lying beside the pool breaks. They need to be busy at least half the time.

There's so much available - the resort we are in has paragliding, jet skis, scuba diving, a theme park... some of these he is too young for but they are all so alluring and SO expensive, we have to say no all the time and this doesn't help

You would not love spending time with a 14 year old with ADHD who tells you how much you annoy him all the time while you've been trying to please him. I've a thick skin now but he still gets underneath it.
I am hoping we are in a particularly tricky couple of years, development wise, and he will mellow a bit as he ages.

Come back and let us know how that worked out 😀

It’s like expectant parents saying they’d never allow dummies/plastic Fisher Price toys/iPads.. Real life isn’t always pretty!

I’d also say that one teen can be divine and another a nightmare in the same family so it’s not always a lack of boundaries.

Quite a few will be absolutely vile to parents- if they do it in front of me I pull them up on it every time. You mean you pull other people's kids up on it or your own?

My kids are rarely rude to me, and never vile, why would they be - I love them just as much as the next person - it's about expectations, we want different things, they want to party or stay up to till the wee hours, I want to get up at 7am and enjoy the cool part of the day - back for a siesta after a leisurely lunch - they are getting up at that time, asking what we are doing next - we are after different things and trying to pretend otherwise is hopeless.

At home, it works just fine - on holiday it grates.