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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

So draining living with teenagers!

317 replies

hellswelshy · 07/03/2022 15:45

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Sad Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 07/03/2022 15:49

It’s natures way of preparing you for when they leave!
I’ve got three, I don’t know when it ends, just keep chipping away and loving them. And find something else for yourself. My 20 year old who’s at uni, does now ask how I am!

Littlemissprosecco · 07/03/2022 15:50

Sometimes! Inbetween bringing washing home

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/03/2022 15:53

I'm in the same boat. My DD13 is sucking all joy from my life. She has many problems , and she seems to blame me for all of them. The hatred she aims at me is affecting my mental health. She told me at the weekend that she would rather be in foster care than live with us. She was adopted as a baby so this cuts deep.

My DS16 ( also adopted) went through a difficult period from 12-15 but it wasn't anywhere near as intense and emotionally draining as DDs issues are.

I look at DS and how he is now and hope that DD will also come out the other side and be a happy and functioning young adult.

At the moment I can't see how our relationship can rebuild. Maybe others who've been through it can give me hope.

Original poster
hellswelshy · 07/03/2022 16:07

Agree AngelsWithSilverWings it's affecting my mental health too. I feel like I'm in a very toxic relationship with them and I have no choice but to endure it! How do I protect myself? I just want a happy home, but feel like there's always something for them to be miserable about, school, the weather, friendships, their hair etc etc. There is a daily battle to get them to eat and drink properly, they never seem to compute that eating rubbish and not drinking enough fluids makes them tired and irritable. I am exhausted with it all.

OP posts:
westcoastclassic · 07/03/2022 16:12

Angelswithsilverwings : just to offer some hope- I was adopted and can safely say I was absolutely horrible to my mum and dad between the ages of 15-20, looking back I think I was trying to sabotage the relationship almost to prove I was unloveable , I actually left a perfectly good home at 16 in this pursuit. Now I am almost 50 and for the last 30 years I have had the most wonderful relationship with mum and dad , it is all rebuildable .. just needs love and time

CandyLeBonBon · 07/03/2022 16:16

@hellswelshy

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Sad Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????
I could've written this myself op. You're not alone. I have three. One of whom is autistic which makes for an interesting mix. I want to run away. Often!

Solidarity (and wine) WineThanksCakeGin

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/03/2022 16:32

@westcoastclassic thank you - sabotage is an excellent word. I feel like she is trying to sabotage every single part of her life at the moment.

Not only does she have her adoption/abandonment issues to deal with , she was diagnosed last year with a chronic disease for which she is under intensive treatment.

This all on top of the usual teenage problems ( social media , bullying , spots ,mood swings , anxiety , friendship issues etc.

Even though we have done so much to help her through all of his she resents our very existence.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/03/2022 16:33

@hellswelshy how old are your two? Are they happy at school or with their friends and is the sulky attitude mainly aimed at you?

Original poster
hellswelshy · 07/03/2022 18:28

They are are 14- twins. They are both bright but hate the general chaos of school, though they do have a good group of friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellswelshy · 07/03/2022 18:29

And attitude both at me and dh!

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 07/03/2022 18:34

I don't think teens often trouble themselves to enquire about your day, or to ask how you are. My 5yo dgd is busy practicing attitude. I dread to think what she'll be like when she's a teen. You just have to grit your teeth and not expect too much.

pumpkinpie01 · 07/03/2022 18:42

It's hard, my oldest 3 are adults now so just have one to get through the teenage years now. In my experience girls have mood swings so much worse than boys , my boys were argumentative and constantly trying to push boundaries and my dd was like Jekyll and Hyde! One minute ' shall we watch a film tonight?' Literally 5 mins later' why would I want to watch a film ,go away , leave me alone ' . All you could do is tell them you are there to talk any problems through , don't be too strict (or they might not tell you if they mess up ) , take advantage of when they are in a good mood and use that time to do something together .

TooManyPJs · 07/03/2022 18:58

It gets a bit better when they are in their 20s. 😬

millytint44 · 07/03/2022 19:07

I'm on this sinking ship too! It's awful some days. I only have the one daughter, 13. Absolutely vile to me 80% of the time. Also saying 'I hate myself' 'I want to die' 'kill me now'.... all of the above is absolutely exhausting and I just want to go to sleep and wake up when she's something resembling human again...

Following this thread for solace and support!

Roselilly36 · 07/03/2022 19:10

@TooManyPJs

It gets a bit better when they are in their 20s. 😬
😂 not sure about that, DS1 Insta account was hacked today, OMG the drama!
Comedycook · 07/03/2022 19:12

I hear you!

Notonetojudge · 07/03/2022 19:14

Sympathy for you all Flowers

I do think it’s worth bearing in mind just how awful it can be being a teen at the moment.

In addition to the stuff we’re all aware of on social media, bullying, ww3, etc, I think we forget how stressful the school environment is even on a good day. The constant pressure to look right, not say the wrong thing, upset the wrong person… the level of aggression in secondaries ime is soul destroying.

I try and ignore negativity and give them little extra treats when I can. It helps to lift them, and so I benefit.

Allaboutthebooks · 07/03/2022 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivegotthisyeah · 07/03/2022 19:19

@millytint44

I'm on this sinking ship too! It's awful some days. I only have the one daughter, 13. Absolutely vile to me 80% of the time. Also saying 'I hate myself' 'I want to die' 'kill me now'.... all of the above is absolutely exhausting and I just want to go to sleep and wake up when she's something resembling human again...

Following this thread for solace and support!

Glad I'm not the only one !! Mines not even a teenager at nearly 11. Screamed at me the other night because her clean washing felt different and what had I done to it - if I wasn't so much in shock I'd off slapped her cheek 😜 honestly some days I can't breath with out her kicking off
ivegotthisyeah · 07/03/2022 19:19

Sorry nearly 13! Periods in full swing

ivegotthisyeah · 07/03/2022 19:20

God dam it she's 11!!! Nearly 12

pennysays · 07/03/2022 19:21

My sister was a mare when she was young, screaming, swearing etc, she is now the most dutiful daughter you could ever have. Puberty is horrendous. They will grow out of it.

Have a listen to this short and fun podcast about the science behind the teenage brain, it might give you some insight!

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0014gnc

RobinBlackbird · 07/03/2022 19:24

Oh I thought you were unlucky with two being at the same point of draining grumpiness but twins explains that.
14/15 is the worst ime.
My 16 year old is reverting to being pleasant a lot of the time: though a know it all, of course!

RobinBlackbird · 07/03/2022 19:31

I don't know if this resonates op but I would get very upset at arguments with the 13 / 14 year old and take them to heart. I read research that said parents are far more hurt (in general) than the teens by these spats. They see them as normal. And so it seemed. This realisation helped me get over the fallings out. And any guilt I was feeling over these "breakdowns" in our relationship.

I miss the little kids they were but have to accept it's all part of them changing and struggling as they progress through that.

pheonixrebirth · 07/03/2022 20:12

My daughter can sometimes be a little madam and I will let it go to a degree but when she actually started shouting at me one day I went nuclear, and made it clear that I am her Mum and if she ever raised her voice to me ever again she would be very sorry.
All of this was said in that quiet, sinister almost whispered type of way. I also have 'the look' which halts her in her tracks. I've not done the count to 3 thing in a few years, I wonder if it still works?🤔
And as for the grunting, I found the best way to communicate was to grunt back, it made me laugh and it only took a couple of weeks before normal speech was back.
As you can see I veer between sininster stares and humour, you just gotta find what works for you.