So draining living with teenagers!

[hellswelshy]

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????

@ponkydonkey - your lovely comment ‘it’s up’ also brought a rare smile/laugh to my face. Thanks for that!

It's very draining, 15yr old and 18yr old here. The 18yr old isn't really rude anymore, but doesn't do a thing to help, and watches me struggle (single, work full time), he actively makes work for me to do around the house it seems. He was a nightmare between around 12-16, but I somehow got through it.
15yr old has her moments, mainly ignores my existence until she wants money or a lift, she lives like a slob which is currently testing my patience and does nothing to help, meanwhile I'm left looking after the dog she so desperately wanted
I'm just so tired at the moment.

Waspie I think it's okay to sometimes to have a cry and show them how your feeling. I did just that yesterday for a different reason and explained how worrying about them and feeling stressed or upset at their actions can affect me. They were shocked, think some of it sank in...
ponkydonkey love 'ITS UP'

*you're

@Lloki

It's very draining, 15yr old and 18yr old here. The 18yr old isn't really rude anymore, but doesn't do a thing to help, and watches me struggle (single, work full time), he actively makes work for me to do around the house it seems. He was a nightmare between around 12-16, but I somehow got through it. 15yr old has her moments, mainly ignores my existence until she wants money or a lift, she lives like a slob which is currently testing my patience and does nothing to help, meanwhile I'm left looking after the dog she so desperately wanted I'm just so tired at the moment.

Yes the lack of helping. I never thought I would be too tired to ask my dc to help, but it feels exhausting just to ask them 6 times to take their cups into the kitchen or get the washing in.

Low point for me was when my mum was taken seriously ill (she later died) and we had to leave somewhere quickly. Yes it was a special treat but needs must. Cue DD (then 14) asking if that meant she 'wouldn't get her manicure that was in half an hour?"

The lack of empathy was so mind-blowing that I told her to do what she felt was right. She actually UHM'D and AH'D for a good ten minutes In the end, she came with me and was of course amazing and kind and sad and all the right things - but fuck me, the self-absorption was in full effect that day.

I never thought I would be too tired to ask my dc to help, but it feels exhausting just to ask them 6 times to take their cups into the kitchen

It is exhausting. I asked my ds if he could take his plate into the kitchen. He asked me if I thought he was my slave?! .

Joining right in with a 15yo dementor here. She's so relentlessly negative about everything, it's exhausting. And so bloody self-absorbed! One of my elderly relatives is on end-of-life care at the moment, so it's a particularly sad and emotional time but she actually couldn't give a shit.

Famous mark Twain quotation:

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

Could just as easily have said mother

One minute my 14 year old son is snapping and snarking at me, the next he calls himself by his toddler pet name and wants a cuddle. It's exhausting. So with you all

Oh and although my daughter is only ten she's had her period for over a year, and is five feet three snd a size 6, so I basically have two teenagers even tho I don't.

She is a hormone bomb

I’m so glad it’s not just my 13 year old ds that is totally self obsessed! The saddest thing is that he used to have bucket loads of emotional intelligence and empathy as a younger boy. Now unfortunately he’s all “me me me”
Never mind stepping over my dead body - he would probably kick it out of the way to get to the biscuit tin!!
I read someone saying that their teen would probably unplug their mum’s ventilator so they could charge their phone

God send us all some strength!!

The pp comment on charging the phone did make me laugh! It's so true!
My DD is 14 and hates me and the world most of the time. She has put my younger DS off women forever I think.
I spend my life worrying about her and feeling guilty, but hoping she will grow out of it at some point!

@Littlemissprosecco

It’s natures way of preparing you for when they leave! I’ve got three, I don’t know when it ends, just keep chipping away and loving them. And find something else for yourself. My 20 year old who’s at uni, does now ask how I am!

Yes this!! When they are little you can’t imagine every wanting them to leave home, then they hit 14 and you start counting down the years. I have an 18 and 13yr old dc and as much as the eldest is now lovely - she’s ready to spread her wings and I am definitely ready to let her. I’ll miss her for sure (especially as I’ll be left in a house with 4 boys!), but we are ready for that step.

Agree AngelsWithSilverWings it's affecting my mental health too. I feel like I'm in a very toxic relationship with them and I have no choice but to endure it! How do I protect myself

That is so relatable & I only have 1! Though she's good with education, which is a blessing I suppose, she has been a bloody nightmare in every other way. She's pushed me to the edge of a breakdown, tried hard to drive a wedge between me & DH by being sweetness & light around him, but a vicious argumentative cow around me. I've been accused of anything she thought would upset me from child abuse to homophobia & belittle over a skill set that meant I did well in work, goaded & goaded & followed & goaded some more until I react or break, plus physically attacked a couple of times. It leaves you feeling like a total failure as a parent

Get yourself on the list for counselling, just being able to offload to someone weekly & have them tell you that yiu actually handling it well, yiu get it because you are there safe place & coping techniques too. It helped me a lot.

She's 19 now, still has plenty of her moments, but I'm finally seeing light at the end of a dark tunnel, though Im at the stage where expect very little from her, saves disappointment, but she's surprised me a few times lately

Excuse shite grammar, migraine & feck knows what

& I agree it's definitely nature giving us a kick. I love it when she's at her boyfriends now, as I know how my night is going to go & im not at tge mercy of her mood swings. She's less volatile & argumentative now, but I've learnt to enjoy space from her

@hellswelshy

Agree AngelsWithSilverWings it's affecting my mental health too. I feel like I'm in a very toxic relationship with them and I have no choice but to endure it! How do I protect myself? I just want a happy home, but feel like there's always something for them to be miserable about, school, the weather, friendships, their hair etc etc. There is a daily battle to get them to eat and drink properly, they never seem to compute that eating rubbish and not drinking enough fluids makes them tired and irritable. I am exhausted with it all.

Pull back from doing stuff for them. They dont just get money, lifts etc if they are rude to you. Money -they ask politely and say thank you Lift -ditto New stuff - same. Screaming, slamming doors-walk away. Dont rise to arguments. This is a normal stage, the are practicing ready to fly the nest tempting to shove them out Theres a book get out of my life but first give me and Alex a lift into town Sums it up nicely

This is a normal stage, the are practicing ready to fly the nest

This with bells on ⬆️

DH were walking home last night & ahead of us we saw/heard a young women absolutely rip to shreds an older guy who was a sex pest. She was fierce!! Getting closer we realised it was our DD who at only 19 had just destroyed a 60 plus year old pervert to the extent of getting a round of applause from passers by. Suddenly I saw how fiercely that she's attacked me, has taught her to stick up for herself. She was impressive

This thread has depressed the hell out of me but also comforted me as I know I am not alone! DD13 is adopted so we have all the fallout from that plus multiple issues including self harming, an eating disorder ( her description not ours), suicidal thoughts/ one attempt, self neglect, school refusal etc etc. And the self absorption can be staggering! It’s very very tough. But there are glimpses of the lovely affectionate considerate kid she used to be.

Hang in there, they do improve. My twin DDs are 21 now and have been lovely most of the time (not all!) for a couple of years now.

The teens years are brutal for the whole family and I remember clearly that feeling of being in an abusive relationship. I remember thinking “I really wouldn’t take this shit off anyone else”.

They say you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child and my god that’s true. I have not been happy lately.

My youngest is exhausting. 15. She can be delightful, lovely, intelligent, sweet, kind and funny.

She can also be horrid, verbally vicious, lazy, self absorbed and unkind.

Sometimes within the space of half an hour!

I really struggle with the lack of resilience, the attitude that they’re owed everything, the need for constant spoon feeding. Teens now seem to have very little self motivation or drive, they expect everything to just fall in their lap. I know it’s not just mine as friends tell me their teens are the same.

I pointed out my teens lack of oral hygiene and that it was unacceptable. Apparently this was shaming her 🙄 despite the fact no one was around except her and me, and I pointed out as a parent it was my job to encourage good personal hygiene.

It’s relentless and exhausting. I never know what sort of mood she’ll be in, it’s like walking on eggshells.

Oh fuck me yes the 'shaming' comments from them about Every.. Bloody. Thing.

I think gouging my eyes out with rusty spoons is preferable to raising teens.

It's pure torture.

@Sidge

They say you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child and my god that’s true. I have not been happy lately.

My youngest is exhausting. 15. She can be delightful, lovely, intelligent, sweet, kind and funny.

She can also be horrid, verbally vicious, lazy, self absorbed and unkind.

Sometimes within the space of half an hour!

I really struggle with the lack of resilience, the attitude that they’re owed everything, the need for constant spoon feeding. Teens now seem to have very little self motivation or drive, they expect everything to just fall in their lap. I know it’s not just mine as friends tell me their teens are the same.

I pointed out my teens lack of oral hygiene and that it was unacceptable. Apparently this was shaming her 🙄 despite the fact no one was around except her and me, and I pointed out as a parent it was my job to encourage good personal hygiene.

It’s relentless and exhausting. I never know what sort of mood she’ll be in, it’s like walking on eggshells.

Have some

Thanks @CandyLeBonBon I need all of those!

The worst thing is every now and then you see a glimpse of that gorgeous funny clever creature you made, and then it disappears and you’re left with a Dementor who thinks you’re responsible for all their misery and anguish! 🤣