So draining living with teenagers!

[hellswelshy]

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????

@HavingA summer camp would be AMAZING wouldn’t it! The US are so lucky! 😆

@HavingA

DD 10 is ruder and more unkind to me than her bog brother who's 14 and actually quite manageable as long as he gets fed and plays football as much as possible. To me it feels like boys are easier than girls who can be so moody and cutting, but probably that's not true. It can be a thankless task. I quite fancy a holiday just by myself or with just one of the kids or just DH. Why don't w have US style summer camps?

Yes this! Reading this thread and my 13 year old DS is nothing like the teens on here (yet!) but my 10 year old DD is exactly like a lot of them. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells waiting to see if she has one of her moods / tantrums every day. Maybe they go through it now and will be a delight as teens? 🤣

Watching this thread with interest. Knowing I am not alone is very comforting

Me too. Very tired of it after 17 years of being a parent, I just feel worn out and CBA

My DD wasn’t like this but my ex’s DDs were. It was unbearable. They basically were never happy. I couldn’t stand it. Made our relationship miserable

Can I join too? We just had a weekend away over Easter with my two teens DD's. Friday was lovely-for the first time in ages they were both on great form. I was pulled into a glass sense of security there. The rest of the time consisted of one or the other of them being stroppy, rude and demanding.
We came back late last night. Dd1 has been revising all day, fair enough. Dd2 asked to have her boyfriend round to which I agreed if they wouldn't mind helping us lift some heavy furniture for about ten minutes. He came (I picked him up actually) and I had to nag her to come and help us which was annoying and embarrassing. The bloody attitude! She has just sat through a family dinner (with him still here) being mono syllabic and actually texting at the table which she knows fucks me off. Rather than embarrassing her in front of him I took her aside afterwards and told her she was being rude and she needed to apologise. To which she stropped off. And now she wants to me to give her a lift somewhere. I would say no, except I've actually had enough of her Today on top of Saturday and Sunday away with them both being a pain, and I really want her out of the house for a bit!

Well DD excelled herself this evening.

Things have been very difficult for a while - I have the opposite DH problem to a lot of you in that DH thinks I am too soft and would be grounding/phone removing/social media deleting/wifi-cancelling and the rest of it at the drop of a hat if I wasn't constantly buffering the drama and reminding him that the spiteful things that come out of DDs mouth are as significant as the dog's noises. He finds it really hard to not be hurt/outraged and has to work really hard to not lose his shit when she is at peak-pushing. He manages about 90 percent of the time, but every now and then DD will push and push until he blows and then takes great delight in having a screaming row, followed by a lecture on how shit a parent he is for having lost control...

Tonight, he had the temerity to ask how her mock exam went - "Why would you even ask because if you actually gave a shit, you wouldn't be adding to my anxiety by literally making me feel ill by being in the same house. Like, my skin is literally breaking out and I feel sick because I am in such a toxic environment. All my friends think I have BPD and all you care about is exams".

Ok then.

When DH then, foolishly laughed at the hyperbole, she exploded and we have just listened to her screaming for a full twenty minutes about the utter disgust she feels that we had the audacity to create her and bring her into this world. And how, out of every single person she knows, she has the most dysfunctional family and everyone feels sorry for her because she got such a raw deal getting us as parents etc

I could feel DH struggling with the level of abuse, so I made him leave the house with me and we walked the dog for fifteen minutes. We walked back in feeling dread, only to be cornered and forced to watch ten minutes of tik-toks - at a distance (no touching of the actual phone) and none of of which we were allowed to see all the way through before they were swiped away in favour of a different one, whilst simultaneously being grilled on how pretty everyone was and how peng are these trainers? And oh my god, I literally want to marry this one... ad infinitum.

She then offered us a cup of tea and took herself to bed. She has honestly moved on without a thought for the emotional carnage left in her wake. A bit of me is glad in a strange way that they can change direction so easily. It takes DH and I a lot longer to shake off the daily drama.

Roll on 19. I have scientifically calculated that everything will be FINE by then

This morning, we have yet another version of DD. Tears because she is definitely going to fail her A Level French mock. Even though she is bright. And has worked hard. And hasn't even sat it yet.

I am exhausted.

SlightlyJaded

Oh I feel your pain. Sorry you're going through shit times. We've pretty much stopped talking to our dd16 now, unless she initiates conversation, and even then we are very guarded about what we say.

A simple 'How was your day?' or 'Your hair looks nice' can turn into an onslaught of her shit her life is/we are and completely ruin the day. It goes against all my mothering instincts to ignore her but it's the best way to get through the day as unscathed as possible.

It's really really shit. Thank goodness for my lovely old cat who loves me unconditionally. I'm not sure I'd get through it without her!

And the traps.... so many traps....

Do you like this outfit?

Yes - you look lovely
= Well it's literally what I have worn for the last two days and it looks disgusting

Yes - Green always looks nice on you.
= Great so of all the colours in the world, only one doesn't look shit.

Well, do you like the outfit - that's what is important?
= Right, so you hate it. Great. Why not give me an eating disorder while you're at it?

But thank you @Playplayaway I am actually really struggling at the moment. I just can't bear the constant tension.

Two volatile people in one small house is horrible

Slightlyjaded sorry it tough for you at the moment, I resonate with so much of what you said, particularly the way that they shake it off so easily! I had a shocking few days with one of my dds lastweek due to going back to school anxiety. Next day, fine and we haven't talked about it much since but she really put me through the wringer!

I think I am there with you. Its so hard and so sad as you feel like you have lost them.

Posted on AIBU as my dd wont eat meals with us. She is always wanting to be with mates.Some lovely posters but the odd poster saying well I would never allow that. I focus on that and fewl a shit mum as my teenager isn't one of the complainant types. Its so hard.

@SlightlyJaded I definitely feel your pain, it all sounds very familiar. I'm sure she will come through it eventually but in the meantime stay out of her way and do stuff that you enjoy.

@Tinkerblonde1 Yes there are lots of parents on here telling everyone what they would and wouldn't allow. Well, they have not met my DD and would probably be horrified if they did Not all teens ARE compliant. Not all teens quiver and acquiesce if you mention sanctions. It doesn't make you a shit parent, it means you a headstrong, hormonal teen and every day feels like a battle and sometimes you have to let a few things slide or you will literally fall over.

I sometimes wonder if the 'not my teen' brigade are actually parents of toddlers who have yet to experience this particular joy. A bit like 'I'd never let my baby have a dummy....'

Ok then.

Thank you this is so true.

@SlightlyJaded absolutely, I totally agree with you and you put it very well. Do whatever you need to do to get through this.

Hope it is OK to join you.

Got called into school with some awful computer related thing- DS (17) had nearly managed to install some Malware on the school systems during Computer club- he's not alllowed to take in his computer anymore and they had to do work preventing it happening again...it was awful said it is his last chance if he does anything like it again he will have to look for a new school..

Also he emailed DH last night with this woeful message about how his suffering continues...how we make him watch films with us and eat together while none of his friends do that and they all stay up gaming late etc etc

We had a chat after the near expulsion school meeting and reminded him that we live in a small place and it might keep his younger brother up who is next door, and that we need sleep for our mental health etc...

So, it has been a really draining day here so far. First day of 'exam leave' for their A level mocks as well. The joy.

I'm so tired today. My eyes hurt. DS (15) difficult to get to bed and so lively, even after a busy day. Plays music from his phone constantly, despite regular reminders not to. He is like a slug in the mornings, I'm up and down 2 flights of stairs to keep telling him to get up. Melatonin does help him a lot but I don't like to use it unless he is really struggling.
It's relentless, never a break

Can I join in here. I'm in a quandary about a big holiday. Lone parent to DS 17. I've booked a long haul holiday in the summer, 19 days, just the two of us. I could cancel it now without too many penalties.

It is a stretch for me financially (can afford it but not without saving money and cutting back elsewhere for a few months).

Do I really want to go away with a surly teen who appreciates nothing and is rude, for nearly three weeks? He is so rude and disrespectful most of the time that I am thinking of cancelling it. His behaviour is difficult, often fuelled by his father (no longer with XP).

I thought it would be an adventure, maybe the last holiday he wanted to go away with me on, but I'm tired of making an effort for it to be constantly thrown back in my face.

He can be very spiteful, this week has told me he can't wait to leave my home, he will never return, I do nothing for him, I'm not interested in him, I am vindictive and nasty etc., etc..

He is required to do his own laundry and tidy up his room, pitch in a bit like any human being living in a household - empty the dishwasher if it needs doing, pick up a dog poo if there's one in the garden, etc.. All these 'chores' are a problem for him most of the time.

I've looked at cancellation terms this morning, I could get a voucher for the flights and cancel the accommodation I've booked without charge.

Any words of wisdom? I really feel like cancelling would be the right thing to do.

I would cancel op. That's a difficult age for a teen to spend 3 weeks with a parent. Being honest I'm 44 and therr is absolutely no way I could spend more than a couple of days holiday with my mum ! And we get on reasonably well.

I think it is absolutely healthy to think that by 17 they and you would rather enjoy holidays with friends. Could you use the money and fo something like a few days out with him and have a nicer holiday yourself.

3 weeks with a parent is a very very long trop and if you aren't getting on ..surely a disaster?

Thanks waterrat, I think so too. The trip was his wish and I let him choose the destinations. I thought, oh well, it could be our last holiday together, I'll do it.

I've got friends to go away with, or I would do something nice solo.

Sadly he has not got anyone to go on hols with. He's only got a couple of friends, sees them at sixth form and one of them probably only a handful of times a year out of school. He has never been very sociable.

ChickenRunner

I would definitely cancel if you can get most of the money back. You've got an idea on your head of how you'd like this wonderful last holiday with him, and that's lovely (we all do it!) but it reality it can turn out to be quite emotionally painful qhen you realise they don't feel the same, and then there's the wasted money..

Maybe do some days and a theme park and a few meals out instead?

Maybe he'll get a summer job and meet some people there