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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

337 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:41

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:43

Only know because school called to say he showed a teacher a picture of a positive pregnancy test. Waiting for him to come home and I'm just beside myself.

OP posts:
PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 15:43

Firstly how do you know all this if they haven’t told you?
Secondly they should have 100% told you!

SteveArnottsCodeine · 26/04/2021 15:44

I think the school aren’t at liberty to have to tell you anything like this, although you’d hope that her parents might. All you can do is talk to them if you think they’ve facilitated an abortion.

CoastAlong · 26/04/2021 15:44

Yes I think they should have discussed it with you.

PinkPlantCase · 26/04/2021 15:45

Maybe very gently start a conversation about it and say that the school got in touch. He might find it easier to talk about if he thinks you already know

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 15:45

Just seen second comment.
Ok, keep calm.
Obv need to talk to him, just stay calm, be nice and ask for him to tell you everything.
Secondly get in touch with gf parents.
Even if you agree to the abortion or it’s been done you need to know everything, this is your son.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:49

School told me about the test as he showed teacher a picture. Ds went to doctors last week with her. I asked him repeatedly then as didn't feel right and he said no and reassured me. Dh said her surely her parents would say. I don't think they are type to give a shit to be honest. They knew they were sleeping together so thought they would put her on the pill. He has condoms. They arent easy people to talk to and seem so relaxed about things.

OP posts:
interest12 · 26/04/2021 15:53

This must be stressful but you have no right to ask for such personal information regarding the gf. She has a right to privacy

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/04/2021 15:56

Both this girl and her parents are completely at liberty to not tell you. This is her body and her choice.

Make it clear to your ds that he can talk to you if he needs to, and discuss contraception again with him.

Its totally unfair to put this all on her, or her parents. Your ds has condoms, he should be using them, and you can't just put a 16 year on the pill against her wishes.

Its difficult when your kids get to the age they stop telling you stuff, but he is 16 now, old enough to make mistakes, and deal with the consequences and choose who to tell about it.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2021 15:58

This must be stressful but you have no right to ask for such personal information regarding the gf. She has a right to privacy.

Exactly. I'm sorry you're so worried, but his girlfriend's medical information regarding birth control or an abortion is absolutely none of your business. I find it very bizarre that you and your husband would assume her parents would share such private information with you. Your sole focus needs to be on your son.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 15:59

You dont have any rights to the girls medical information.

All you can do here is speak to ds, find out what he knows/has done (if he will share), and have a Frank discussion about contraception.

Is contraception available to him at home?

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:01

I havent blamed her. I asked should we have been told? Omg I can't cope. Speaking to him he has no idea 😢 she hasn't had an abortion. Not sure what is worse. He really has not clue.

OP posts:
PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 16:01

Even if they are really relaxed about things you can still ask them.
As pp they don’t exactly have to say but if your son manages to tell you everything then you’ll have everything you need to know.l and concentrate on him

idontlikealdi · 26/04/2021 16:02

Is she pregnant, sorry not clear.

RuthW · 26/04/2021 16:03

@interest12

This must be stressful but you have no right to ask for such personal information regarding the gf. She has a right to privacy
This.
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 16:04

@Meltinthemiddle

I havent blamed her. I asked should we have been told? Omg I can't cope. Speaking to him he has no idea 😢 she hasn't had an abortion. Not sure what is worse. He really has not clue.
I cant see anywhere above where a poster has suggested you blamed her.
RandomMess · 26/04/2021 16:05
Thanks
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:05

Why the hell am I getting blamed!! Of course it's my business its my son and now grandchild.

OP posts:
GelfBride · 26/04/2021 16:05

Are you saying you have spoken to him about this and he has said that she has not had an abortion or that he doesn't know whether or not she has? I'm confused.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:06

I have asked for person information. I asked should I have been told. That's all. He had condoms.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 26/04/2021 16:07

He hasn't got a clue?! Surely he knows why he showed the teacher a picture of a positive pregnancy test?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/04/2021 16:07

You blamed her parents.

I don't think they are type to give a shit to be honest. They knew they were sleeping together so thought they would put her on the pill.

Hanab · 26/04/2021 16:08

IP may not have the right to the girls medical or otherwise issues but she does have a right to know if it is something that is affecting her son. As said he has some challenges himself. He may need help to work through all of this .. hope you can get your son to open up to you OP. I as a mum know I would want to know either way or what the issue is to help not to judge

Hanab · 26/04/2021 16:08

Op 🙈

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 16:10

If he has learning difficulties then there's a potential safeguarding situation. I'm guessing the girlfriend also has learning difficulties? If he despite being 16 cannot consent then as a parent you have to support him to not be a situation where this is an issue, it might mean he cannot be left alone with his girlfriend