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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

337 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:41

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

OP posts:
PlanterGents · 26/04/2021 16:11

Well, if she is pregnant, it might be an idea to encourage your DS to sound supportive and reassure her that an abortion really is the right way to go, but he will be there for her and offer emotional support.

Then get him to take a step back from her, with words of encouragement as obviously you can’t force him. And if this girl’s parents are the ‘lax’ type then I would want him to run a mile.

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 16:11

So he doesn’t know if she’s had an abortion or not?
Ring her parents. Regardless of knowing her info or not you need to know if your child is going to be a dad.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:19

Her parents are relaxed about stuff. They give him alcohol without asking our permission and apparently didn't seem bothered about them having sex that's what I meant when I spoke to ds having found out they have been sexually active. He's come from school. So yes she is pregnant and they are both happy. He thinks he can leave school with no gcses and get a job. She thinks they will be together forever. I really hope this is the case. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:21

I thought she may have an abortion because he went docs last week and seemed stressed. I asked him then if she is pregnant and he said no. She did the test today. Her mum is happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:24

I asked if they have had an abortion should we have known that's all! I understand its her body I really do and said that to dh. But I guess I wasn't actually thinking it was going to happen! Im in shock fgs. I've come out for a fag and I don't even smoke. She hasn't had the abortion. She's definitely pregnant.

OP posts:
GelfBride · 26/04/2021 16:25

Is it worth you trying to persuade her to abort OP? Offer support, offer to pay. You have little to lose if you do it with compassion.

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 16:26

Omg you cannot persuade her to have an abortion!!!

All you can do is love them, support them, guide them.

somersault · 26/04/2021 16:28

It sounds like your sons GF is happy enough to be pregnant. Absolutely not your place to persuade her otherwise.

LunaLula83 · 26/04/2021 16:30

Its so strange that everyone knows but not you

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:32

I would never persuade that. But is it bad that I wish she had😭. He has development language disorder so dyslexia but with words. He's very immature. He's fucked his year up at school thinks he can get a job. Hes in love and has this picture of it all being perfect.

OP posts:
Herecomesspring1 · 26/04/2021 16:33
Flowers
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 26/04/2021 16:33

Does his GF have LD, too?

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 16:34

They really just don't get it!! Even though I've told him constantly about not getting a girl pregnant and how it will effect the rest of his life.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 26/04/2021 16:35

Unfortunately you can't live his life, just be there to offer support and pick the pieces up

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 16:36

I asked if they have had an abortion should we have known

Given that they cant have an abortion, only her then no. You didnt need to know.

TooManyAnimals94 · 26/04/2021 16:36

Two people now saying "tell her to have an abortion" and if she doesn't your son should run a mile. Put the shoe on the other foot for a second and imagine how you would feel as a parent of the girl. There must be support services available that your son and gf could speak to to get some BALANCED, NON JUDGEMENTAL advice.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/04/2021 16:36

You were originally upset because you thought she'd had an abortion without you knowing. Now you appear to be upset because she hasn't had an abortion. I understand it's a surprise, but you need to try and get your head straight before going in all guns blazing.

Port1aCastis · 26/04/2021 16:37

I hope this young lady was able to make her own choice regarding her own body

PlanterGents · 26/04/2021 16:38

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Mumdiva99 · 26/04/2021 16:38

Bless you. What a tough situation. I hope you find the strength to support your son in the best way possible. It might be the making of him and a massive blessing for your family (even if it's hard to see anyway now that can be the case). Gently explain why he needs to work so hard at school if there is a child to support. (Maybe show him some examples of bills for a 1 bedroom flat......and a NMW job income.....)

Brainwave89 · 26/04/2021 16:39

@GelfBride

Is it worth you trying to persuade her to abort OP? Offer support, offer to pay. You have little to lose if you do it with compassion.
Err no! Her body her choice. She has to be supported not persuaded so she can make the right decision for her.
NailsNeedDoing · 26/04/2021 16:39

The responses you are getting here are really weird OP! Of course you should have been told if she’d had an abortion.

It’s something that could have a huge effect on your child and his mental health and he’s clearly not able to cope with it alone, as many adults wouldn’t be.

And no, it’s not bad that you wish she’d terminated. You have all my sympathy and I wish you all the luck and support you’ll need to ensure the best possible outcome for your family.

crosspelican · 26/04/2021 16:41

Wait, so her Mum is HAPPY about this? What on earth does she picture for her child having a child with another child who has learning difficulties, who they've been giving alcohol to?

I'm so sorry, Melt. I suppose all you can do is love and support him. Has he any hope of getting enough GCSE's to get an apprenticeship? Maybe this will focus his mind a bit if you can sell it to him as being "for his child"?

ALevelhelp · 26/04/2021 16:42

Oh what a difficult situation Sad

JediGnot · 26/04/2021 16:43

@PinkCookie11

Just seen second comment. Ok, keep calm. Obv need to talk to him, just stay calm, be nice and ask for him to tell you everything. Secondly get in touch with gf parents. Even if you agree to the abortion or it’s been done you need to know everything, this is your son.
"Even if you agree to the abortion"... are you saying that girls / women need to get their MiLs agreement before having an abortion? Is this before or after they have the consent form signed off by their partner, their spiritual adviser, their parents and 6 GPs?